My mum is turning 60 soon and her mother who is bedbound with late stage dementia won't be able to come to the family meal. We have booked at a lovely restaurant in a nearby city. I am putting people up as I have space in said city near the airport (and little does my mum knew her family is coming from further away to celebrate with her - which I know she'll be thrilled about).
The complication is that my mum mentioned wanting to include my gran in the birthday, 'for the cake part'. The thing is my gran lives in a town far away . My mum's sister will be coming to visit the town the day before the birthday - so at first I thought maybe they can just 'do the cake part' between them. But in hindsight I think it will be weird to have it not on the actual day and without all of us - but I think it is too much of an ask to expect us all to go there just for that part.
To be honest, I feel my mum is complicating things in wanting to include my gran for this bit of it because logistically it doesn't work. I think she understandably wants to celebrate with her mum but that also she has taken on role of carer as an identity where she is used to involving her in everything.
So: I am thinking about arranging for the cake to come to the restaurant with everyone else present, no gran. And explain why. Would that be the wrong thing to do?