I’ll keep this brief but might not be able to include everything. I just feel sad how I’ve been treated all my life. Maybe if my childhood was happier I wouldn’t be this sad and unhappy now.
I wasn’t wanted as I was the youngest of 3 girls and parents wanted a boy. Everyone always told me this growing up. I was nicknamed “unwanted, spare” in my language. Looking back I was very neglected. We only had one aunty here (mums sister) and she would refer to me with awful names and no one corrected her. I was abused by this aunty’s son when I was 8 years old. I kept it secret for nearly 15 years and did finally tell, everyone believed me which was surprising.
mum family have treated me really bad all my life. I cannot tell you any occasions my mum ever hugged me or told me she loves me.
one memory I can’t get out of my head is my wedding day. The aunty ignored me completely and didn’t even look at me. Just for context weddings in my culture(Indian) play a huge role for families. The bride doesn’t do anything her family is supposed to run around doing everything. I did everything for my wedding. My aunty sat there giving me daggers. I felt very unloved on my wedding day. It still makes me sad when I go to weddings and I can see and feel the love and attention the bride is getting from her family. Over time it’s getting harder for me to go to weddings.
I wish I could say I had a fairytale ending but no I’ve married a man just like mum who doesn’t care for me and definitely doesn’t love me. I have a MIL who rubs in my face I don’t really have a family, she’s really nasty to me and makes me feel insignificant like my own family did all my life.
I just keep wondering how different I could have turned out if only one person helped me during my childhood.
talking therapies don’t work. I don’t want medication. What else can I do to get me out of this hole. I want to be “normal” and happy for my child