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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let it get to me anymore (childhood related, possible triggers)

5 replies

Newhome121 · 15/05/2022 07:48

I’ll keep this brief but might not be able to include everything. I just feel sad how I’ve been treated all my life. Maybe if my childhood was happier I wouldn’t be this sad and unhappy now.

I wasn’t wanted as I was the youngest of 3 girls and parents wanted a boy. Everyone always told me this growing up. I was nicknamed “unwanted, spare” in my language. Looking back I was very neglected. We only had one aunty here (mums sister) and she would refer to me with awful names and no one corrected her. I was abused by this aunty’s son when I was 8 years old. I kept it secret for nearly 15 years and did finally tell, everyone believed me which was surprising.

mum family have treated me really bad all my life. I cannot tell you any occasions my mum ever hugged me or told me she loves me.

one memory I can’t get out of my head is my wedding day. The aunty ignored me completely and didn’t even look at me. Just for context weddings in my culture(Indian) play a huge role for families. The bride doesn’t do anything her family is supposed to run around doing everything. I did everything for my wedding. My aunty sat there giving me daggers. I felt very unloved on my wedding day. It still makes me sad when I go to weddings and I can see and feel the love and attention the bride is getting from her family. Over time it’s getting harder for me to go to weddings.

I wish I could say I had a fairytale ending but no I’ve married a man just like mum who doesn’t care for me and definitely doesn’t love me. I have a MIL who rubs in my face I don’t really have a family, she’s really nasty to me and makes me feel insignificant like my own family did all my life.

I just keep wondering how different I could have turned out if only one person helped me during my childhood.

talking therapies don’t work. I don’t want medication. What else can I do to get me out of this hole. I want to be “normal” and happy for my child

OP posts:
Outoutoutshout · 15/05/2022 07:59

Go no contact?

ohnoohnoo · 15/05/2022 08:20

So sorry you have been through all of this. Can you get things in order so you are able to leave your DH? And I would definitely go no contact with your family

Roseteacups · 15/05/2022 08:25

You must try to separate yourself from these people and build up a friendship group of people who like you.

Do you do any hobbies? Friends? Supportive work colleagues? Can you work on those relationships? And build up your network of support.
You need to break free from your miserable life and leave your husband. Do you work? Can you apply for benefits to leave him? Your happiness important too.

Mamette · 15/05/2022 08:28

Maybe you need to leave your marriage.

If he is like this he will bring you down even further.

💐 for you.

jeaux90 · 15/05/2022 09:14

Do you think you would be happier if you left every single on of these arseholes behind and started a new life? Would that be possible?

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