Making friends in your 30's

[Namastegal]

My fiance and I are both around the 30 mark and have bought a lovely flat away from London. The majority of our friends have moved out of London post-pandemic and the majority are living in different places around the UK and abroad. We are both in stressful, demanding jobs and I work from home half of the week. I have started to feel increasingly isolated and feel as though it is incredibly difficult to meet new friends in our new area. I'm into my fitness and have tried events where I thought I would meet like-minded people but nothing has really happened friendship- wise, people seem to be polite but people seem to have their own lives. I'm friendly with some colleagues around my age but they all have families and aren't often free to hang out. My partner is more of an introvert than me and is perfectly happy to work and then spend time with me in the evenings and on weekends. I am a total extrovert and prior to moving here, being booked up socially was normal for me, I thrive off having friends around me and I feel as though it is important to not spend all of your time with one person.

I have raised this with him and he isn't at all bothered by this and said that friendships happen naturally and develop over time. I would be inclined to agree, however in my experience it was soo much easier meeting people in my mid-twenties as nights out were more frequent and people socialised more, now a lot of people seem to be more focused on life as a couple or they are starting to have families of their own. I feel as though aside from when we visit friends or they visit us, life is just becoming mundane and life is a cycle of work and date nights with my partner. I am starting to resent my partner who I love to pieces, even though I hate myself for it and this isn't his fault. It's dawned on me that I don't really have anybody to call to go for a coffee/brunch with and that heightens my anxiety. I never thought I would experience loneliness in this way. Does anybody have any advice for making friends at this age?

Are there any women social circle groups in your area? There is one round this way and they do coffee / brunch / afternoon tea and bigger things like spa days and trips away.

I think it’s something people don’t really talk about how hard it is. In my experience post covid (lots of friends moved away) feel like you have to really put yourself out there, invite people round, setup social engagements, not worry too much about people saying ‘no thanks’. Feels like I’m gradually building up a good local network now.
Also there is a definite split between those with kids and those without, but don’t rule out those with families as I love having friends who I can go and do non-kid stuff with.

You say you've tried fitness 'events' were these one offs? Or have you been going to something for a while? I've been going to a specialist fitness gym/class for about 3 years and it's only now that real friendships are forming. It takes a lot of persistence and going through the stage of being the new person, then just an acquaintance before people start letting you into their life. I do think as people get older they are maybe more guarded about who they let into their lives either because of bad experiences or because they are so busy with job/kids etc.

I'm in my late 40s and continue to make new friends through life.

In my 20s and 30s I was actively involved in a political party and made loads of good friends that way.

In my 40s I became a Scout leader and now have a great circle of friends that way.

What are interested in? Get a hobby. Become a volunteer. Meet like minded people and do things together. Friendships will come naturally.

DH met friends through work (other companies, not his own) and as they all had dogs they do a dog walk then a pint.

It can happen when you have DC. We made lots of new friends that way. You meet people at playgroups and at school.

I volunteered at nursery and Rainbows and some of us met for drinks after that.

But wherever you go you need to make the effort. Actually ask someone if they fancy coffee after a class / taking DC to the park after school.

Nothing happens by itself.