Advice needed

[LJM1336]

My husband has taken my 12 year old son away for the weekend for his sports tournament. My son called me at 10pm tonight saying he was in a hotel room with some of his friends and was really tired but his dad was in the hotel bar drinking with the other parents. I told him to go tell his dad he wanted to go to bed as they were also due to get up early to play his game in the morning. In between trying to get my toddler son back to sleep my other son texts to say he was with his dad but he is really tired and dad is still drinking. Calls my son at 11.30pm to be told that his dad has sent him to the hotel room on his own whilst he stayed in the bar. Finally get my husband to answer his phone at 11.55pm and I’m furious but he thinks I’m being unreasonable. He is obviously drunk so no point having a proper conversation with him but am I right to be absolutely disgusted that he didn’t take my son to the room and sent him on his own?? I’m furious that he didn’t get him to bed as he was tired and has to play a few games in his tournament the next day and that he is just left alone in a strange hotel room whilst he is getting drunk with other parents in hotel bar. Who is in the wrong here as I’m seriously considering whether my marriage will survive after this?? It’s not the first time my husband puts alcohol before his family.

It's hard to know the context here around your husband's drinking but based purely on your post i would say you are being a bit harsh. Surely a 12 year old can go to bed on their own if they are tired? Maybe your husband is enjoying some downtime with the other dad's and enjoying time away from home.

If this kind of behaviour (i.e. drinking and ignoring kids is regular) then it might not be an overreaction.

That's disgraceful, your poor child. Your DH should have been with him, making sure he gets enough sleep and feels safe. Your DH is a shit and if this is regular you need to reevaluate. Hope your DS is okay x

Yeah I should’ve said my son has a lot of anxiety around going to sleep at night. Even at home he doesn’t settle very well. Will constantly check that we are awake and all the doors are locked before he goes to sleep. In relation to the drinking, my husband doesn’t go out a lot but when he does go out drinking he is one of those greedy drunks who doesn’t know when to stop!! Will say to myself and the kids he will be home at a certain time but then won’t be back for hours later and won’t answer his phone or texts. My 12 year son then stays up all night worried about his dad and won’t settle until he comes home!! For example two weeks ago he went it for a work lunch and said he would be home for 8pm, didn’t get home until 1am. He didn’t call or text and wouldn’t answer his phone just came stumbling in at stupid o clock unable to barely speak he was so drunk. We’ve had the same arguments about this over the years and recently it’s just happening more and more.

Thanks for the additional info. Yes if your son has those challenges then it is irresponsible of his dad to do that. It's likely made.yiur sons anxiety worst. Sounds like they both need some counselling.

Your husband's behaviour is absolutely shameful and he's shockingly irresponsible. FFS. I'd be livid.

Given your update, it's hard to understand why you're still with this man.

Your dh was there for a reason- to be responsible for supporting your ds with his tournament and he failed! I would be livid at this. You should think about what kind of impact this is having on your kids.

I'd be really upset by this. It's irresponsible and unfair to your son. Especially as your son may be anxious and he has an important event happening today.

Awful behaviour of course he should have took your son to bed.