Please help. Has anyone moved away and started over following DV?
The short: I’m being strongly advised, almost forced (by SS/ police) to move house to protect me and my child from my abusive exH ahead of his release from prison. I want to obviously, but It will mean moving cities, and losing my amazing family support system. I have so many measures in place to make me safe here, as well as no contact orders for myself and baby. He’s a risk for sure, I am terrified of him, he’s threatened to take my son out of the country on numerous occasions. Acid threats to myself too.
My issue is, i just don’t see how it will work. It will interfere with my job, cost so much and ultimately be pointless unless I move very far so I never cross paths with him or anyone he knows, change mine/ little ones name, change car etc. then what? He’s on the birth certificate so I don’t even know if name changing is possible.
I love where I am now. Were so settled. Ive finally started feeling happy and hopeful after going back to working part time. I’m doing so well as a single mum and I think it’s massively down to where I am (2 mins from nursery, and close to my siblings houses, close to dads work so he pops in regularly) it really feels like home.
I’m constantly weighing up the pros and cons but I just can’t stop thinking about what I lose if I move. I love my family, they love my baby. He’s still so young, I don’t want to be totally alone.
Below is more detail on my whole situation, and how he came to know my address in the first place (I moved after he went back to prison)
So I moved house last year whilst my exH was in prison so that he wouldn’t know where we (1 yr old dc) were when he was released. We were ‘seperated’ and I was back living with family before he went back to prison this time.
*inverted commas bc he used to force me to go back each time I left.
For background: I met him young verrry young and he’s a lot older than me. Together 7 yrs. He’s a total scumbag criminal. In and out of prison (mostly in) for the last 4 years. Pretended he had businesses and family money when we met and me being naive took it all at face value. By the time I knew the truth I was just too in love and brainwashed.
He was always the controlling jealous type, and always made every effort to isolate me from my family and friends. But when I got pregnant it escalated to physical violence. It definitely could have been worse, I wasn’t battered. It was a slap here and punch there, but it was getting more often and he was not allowing me to visit my family with my newborn son. I was miserable and genuinely thought there was no way out.
also to add I gathered he was cheating while I was pregnant, all the signs were there. But it was much worse. He’s in prison this time around for rape (2 seperate accusations)
The previous were not anything of that nature, usually money related.
Social services became involved when he went back to prison most recently. I’ve been very open and honest with them from the start. they’ve no concerns about me as a mother. Their only concern is will I get back with him. Hard pass obviously.
I kept contact with ex in-laws after he went away even though I had cut contact with him. My relationship with them was complicated, they were always very toxic (I lived with them on and off throughout the marriage, cultural norm and not what I wanted) However, they really love little one and so I thought it was worth maintaining their relationship with them.
I really had to grin and bare the 2 weekly visits to their house, never leaving them with baby though, always stayed as the trust is not there. I didn’t tell them I moved house, but they guessed it. I respectfully said I don’t want them to know where, they said they understood my reasoning and were on my side.
Come to find out my ex SIL had abused her public sector job to access my records and get out address. Mortified. I know this for fact btw. Confronted the family, they denied, then went silent. They’re now all blocked and have of course totally cut contact.
So now exH is approaching release (could be a week, could be a few months or more, depending the outcome of Court case ongoing in relation to myself)
What do I do? Has anyone else on here moved away from everything they know due to an abusive ex? Is it doable? This may seem like a no brainer to some and I really thought I could do it but I can’t.