Can I be left alone

[DeanStockwelllsBunny]

I will try to keep this brief but it s a bit long

Start point - I have been up since 3am , journey to work 1.5 hrs ( public transport )

Doing a job I know but at a site and with staff don't know, I am expected to take the lead.
All went OK but a bit stressful.
Finished work at 2pm , got a lift back to near home decided to do a bit of shopping ( nowt fancy just gen food shop ) .
Got that done by 4pm . Though bugger it I fancy a meal out .
So stopped at the local weatherspoons, sat down to look at the menu, at this point i had over ear headphones phones on, so anyone could see I was listening to something
someone sat at the next table st the same time, while I was looking at the menu they said have you eaten here before, ?
I said yes but not for a few months.

Conversation went
Them : What do you recommend, ?
Me ; pardon ? removes one ear piece
Them: what do uou like here
Me veg burger or chicken wrap
Them : OK
Me ( puts head phones back on ) goes to bar to order food, comes back
Them ; I watcheched your table for you
Me ummm ta
( about 30 covers on a 100 + cover bar)
Me settle to watch film I'd down loaded
Them after about 3 minutes, you from round here ?
Me takes head phones off, nope but I know a few pubs and restaurants are you looking for somewhere else to go ?
Them nope just wondering.
I watch the world h by go about 5 minutes then put head phones back on.
5 mis later Them have you got your food yet ?
Me WTF ?
takesheadphonse back off and says did you ask if I had my food yet?
Them, yes
Ne error no , or od I would be eating it !
Them ohhhhh OK
Me puts head phones back on
My food arrives , very nice staff ask ifvi want another drink , sauce etc
Me nop im fine ta
Them , Why didn't you get another drink ?
Me ffs takes head phones off again
WHAT ?
Them , oh you can get table service for drinks you know
Me , yes I know puts headphones back o and turns back on idiots.
Them , what you watching
Me argg , WHAT?
sorry just wondered what you were watching
ME James Bond, please can I eat and watch in peace I have had a long day
Them
You can't of had a long it's only 3pm
I totally ignor this
There food arrives Them excuse me do you know where I sxn get salt ,( its on table about 4 foot from Them)
I ignor again
Them well that's jyst rude
Me , loudly but under mybreath , God I wish I could eat jyst one meal in piece !
They shutt up for a bit then but I still said loudly that watching/ playing with a phone in a pub was antisocial.

Please tell me I rouldnt if got thrown out if I'd thrown a plate at them!

I wouldn’t have answered after the first time.

Sounds like they wanted a chat you could have just said I’d rather not talk, I’ve been awake since 3.

Ohh please excuse the spelling and grammar , me thinks i am a bit frustrated !

@KangarooKenny
I wish I hadn't!
@TheFairyNamedMary
Possibly but would you of carried on talking to someone with headphones on that was watching something?
I am happy to chat to people in a pub most of the time but head phones means please leave me alone

Sorry but you were entertaining this so no, you didn't seem like you were busy.

Are you a woman and was it a man?

I had something similar on a train journey once.

Just wanted to relax and listen to music (I was obviously wearing headphones as well) and a guy on the adjacent seat kept asking me questions.

It’s so annoying. I just assume that the person is lonely and craves social interaction or they just never shut up no matter where they are or who they’re with.

In the end I just completely ignored him and pretended I couldn’t hear him. He soon moved on to start talking to someone else.

I would have "entertained it" too, not because I wanted to, or because I wasn't busy, but because I was scared of how the person might react to being ignored (such as verbal abuse or shouting) . I hate confrontation and don't cope well with being shouted at.

Just don't respond. You kept responding and made no explicit request for them to stop bothering you. They should have picked up your body language but since they clearly weren't why wouldn't you just say "STFU and leave me alone?"

I use in ear headphones so if im having a meal alone and someone on another table asks me a question I will take out an ear bud in case they hadn't realised that I was wearing them but after that initial question, if they continue with banal chatter then I just respond "My headphones are a clear indication that I'm not interested in chit chat, please leave me alone," put my earbud back in and then grey rock them for the rest of the time.

The only exception is if they start huffing about me being rude then I will usually raise my voice a little to get the attention of any other surrounding tables and say "I am not here for your entertainment and owe you zero interaction. Stop harassing a total stranger for not being happy at your constant interruptions of my time" ... it usually gets at least one or two people looking over and embarrasses them into getting back in their box and leaving me alone.

@Mally100
Why or what makes you think I was entertaining this interaction?
How should I look busy ?

@Moppincraxy
I have purposefully avoided mentioning gender as I want neutral view .

For what it's worth male , female or trans should make any difference to where you can go alone the Wetherspoons to have a drink and meal without getting continually spoke to when I am trying to gave a bit of peice and quiet

I thought by the way your writing went towards the end you were going to say you ended up engaging and drinking too much with them and should you now travel alone 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

But I bet that it went because of the speed of writing due to being pissed off. And I'd have been annoyed too.

However I've discovered the way to be extremely obvious you aren't engaging is wireless over the ear headphones that are very obvious and pretending not to notice them 😉😃

@FlissyPaps I gave had the same on trains you, ots fecking annoying ,but normally most people take the queue that
I have answered you and now put headphones back on therefore no longer want to talk

@itsgettingweird 😁if I'd been on the look out for someone to drink with I would of 'copped" then, but as you say I had over the ear head phones ,a big LEAVE ME ALONE sign as far as I am aware

I was asking whether you're a man/woman as in my experience this is typical male behaviour towards women. I don't think you can remove sex from the equation.

I would say that sadly this is behaviour I have experienced from men and never from women.

Of course they should have left you alone. You need to learn to verbalise at an earlier point however, to save you getting increasingly frustrated and still being disturbed. As PP suggested "I don't want to chat, sorry, I've been up since 3am and just want to watch a film." or even "Sorry but I don't want to chat to anyone today, please ask the staff if you need anything." And then you can ignore.

By repeating taking your earphones off and answering questions and even asking questions yourself. It seemed like you wanted to chat.

OP while it shouldn't make any difference if you're male or female, the fact is that this happens very often to women.

In any case - after the first interaction you should have said "sorry, i don't want to talk to anyone right now" and then left it. You left the way open to that.

Thank you to all that have replied ,
It seems that IWBU wanting to be left alone without actually saying leave me alone , perhaps people have lost the ability to take visual clues now but if the roles were revered I would not keep trying to talk to some one with headphones on .
I dont mind some confrontation but it would seem like a overreaction on my part to tell someone to shut the fuck up when they are just making small ( annoying ) talk. However if there is a next time I will be more direct .

For them that asked we are both female , but before anyone jumps on the - maybe she wanted too feel safe , needed help , etc she seemed perfectly happy and calm ( I have worked in many pubs and that look of fear is unmistakable )
We were also sat close to the bare and kitchen door so there were plenty of staff constantly passing if she was wary of anyone .

Just say that you want to be left alone? You can take the polite route and smile and say 'sorry, but...', or you can just ignore, given that this person is presumably a stranger you'll never see again?

You're massively over-thinking this.

Also, for future reference - I am a frequent international traveller for work and I'm territorial with my time and space.

It hasn't happened often, but if I find I'm getting bothered by others in restaurants/cafes/airport lounges etc (and 99% of the time it is men), then I just gather my stuff up and move, and, if necessary, ask the waiting staff to change my table (and leave a big tip).

I shouldn't have to, but I do. I can't be fucked with other people imposing on me.

@AffIt I did ask them to leave me alone , next time I will have to be more forceful .
In the past I have also moved , but once I had ordered my food I didnt want to risk not getting it or causing the staff the inconvenience

@DeanStockwelllsBunny No, you engaged far too much.

If you want to be left alone, say from the beginning. You invited this woman to make a connection, rather than shutting down from the get go.

Don't assume that random strangers can pick up on your nuances. You need better boundaries.

I had a similar experience to this on a long train journey back when I was a student. A woman sat opposite me and absolutely wouldn’t stop trying to talk to me. I don’t really like chatting with strangers much at the best of times and find it quite stressful, but I also had to get through a ton of reading for uni and had earmarked the four hour journey for that. After a while I said “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to get this uni work done, so I’m afraid I can’t chat.”

She was quiet for maybe ten minutes, maximum, before she started talking to me again. In the end I actually got off the train at the next stop and got back on in another carriage.

It was obvious from the head phones and your fairly short responses that you didn’t want to be their entertainment and, if they were unable to read social cues, you then told them clearly you wanted to be left alone to watch your movie in peace. There is no good excuse for their behaviour, they put their desire for interaction above your clearly expressed wish to be left alone.

I would have got to the “I just want to be left in peace.” line earlier than you but I don’t think, with someone like this, it would have made any difference. It’s infuriating, when you’re tired, to have to deal with people who are so insular they don’t seem to realise that people around them are individuals too. But there’s nothing you can do about it now. Try and forget about and get a good night’s sleep so you have more resilience in the morning. And be glad you aren’t the other person - must be a fairly low quality life if you can’t navigate those basic social skills or develop decent relationships.