For feeling a bit hurt, am I being overly sensitive?

[Guineapigsqueaks]

Just collected ds (14) from friend#1( calling him that so not to give names) house after their 14th birthday gathering with several other friends. Ds stood at the door, friend1 mum appears at door too saying ds v tired and she hasn't even cut bday cake yet. Another mum arrived, with her dog (these mum's hadn't met prior to today) and friend1 mum asks her in for cake. I ask ds if he is tired or wanted to just stay to sing happy bday, he replied he wasn't tired and nobody else going to later so could he stay, so I say to friend1 mum that ds can stay a few mins to sing happy birthday ( I wouldn't impose any longer and would have stood outside to wait for those few mins if need be!) etc to which she replied no it's ok! Felt slightly lost for words, ds and I head to our car and I drive us home. Ds has health issues namely cystic fibrosis and CF related diabetes but he is capable of injecting and taking his medication when he eats. He's been quite poorly lately so I know I'm probably a bit overly sensitive to stuff like this but I just feel a little bit hurt that ds wasn't invited to sing happy birthday... it really feels they couldn't wait to get rid of him yet invite mum and her dog inside :/ He's a good kid and upbeat despite everything he has going on. AIBU to feel like this, how would you feel?

Couldn’t you have came back to pick ds up later?

That makes me feel sad to hear.
Rather unwelcoming of birthday boy's mum. Just be careful this isn't recognisable it could cause your son all sorts of additional issues.

Just ignore it for now, looks after your son, file it away as shit happens and regroup. Maybe the friendship isn't all that but your ds will be ok.

Not ever nice to not feel welcome though. I know the feeling all too well! 😭

The mum was stood in her doorway and said thanks for coming. To me it seemed like a gentle nudge to leave. I would have left him a bit if she'd said to come back in with the other friends. Didn't want to impose but could also hear all the friends laughing etc so made it feel worse. I should have taken our dog, he'd have barged straight in and eaten the cake 😬

I can really understand your disappointment but try not to let your DS see it, the other DM sounds very rude, how hard is it to invite you in to enjoy a slice a cake. .

Ds asked why he couldn't stay longer, we hadn't driven away at that point but me being me didn't have the balls to get out the car and ask the lads waving mum if D's could stay longer. I don't know them well so didn't feel right about it but just felt would have been nice to offer?? Not like they were in a rush to watch Eurovision or anything with everyone still there. Wish I didn't overthink these things!

Was he difficult at friends house? I can’t see why she would have A problem with the injecting otherwise she wouldn’t have invited him. Maybe he was a pain inthe arse and she’s had enough?

I'm sorry. How is your son feeling? Does seem rude.

I haven't said anything to him I just emphasized on what a great time he had, which he did, so it's all good I guess. Just I know he has enough battles and makes it feel a bit rubbish to see. sorry, hence the vent on here :/

Do you mean she said “no it’s not ok”? If so, yes that is odd. Either she is being very rude or maybe he has caused some trouble whilst there?

I don’t understand what is wrong with saying “thanks for coming” or understand why you are aggrieved at feeling like you are being nudged to leave when you are after all there to collect him.

Haha maybe he was 🤣 saved all his crap up to release at their house. In that case, I hope he did lol ;) he's good, really.

Does he tend to be loud or shouty? Would it be possible he was rude or disruptive? I agree with you that it sounds like she was pushing for him to leave. Sorry OP, that is hurtful.

This is why I asked on here, seems like I will get a balance of opinions, which I appreciate because I have a tendency to overthink things. There is every possiblity I am being overly sensitive, wouldn't be the first time, good to get feedback. Ds is happy, he came first with go karting ..oh! maybe that's why 🧐

He's quiet, polite. Suppose there is a chance he maybe turns into demon child at others houses

I don't get it. Why were you collecting him if it wasn't the end of the party?

It was the arranged time to collect, 8pm. I was there for basically 8. I wasn't in a rush to grab ds and go. I just arrived there at the time the parents had asked me to. I figured they would want to chill out for the evening, like anyone does. But I would happily have let ds stay if that's how it went. He has lots of treatments to do evenings and mornings but doesn't matter if we're late with them with as it's the weekend.

Perhaps they assume that because your DS has medical needs and you arrived promptly that means DS has to go, they didn’t waNt to impose on you?

Because 'thanks for coming' is code for 'it's time to leave'.

She was very rude OP. I'm sorry.

Yes, I'm thinking this might be it. Just had a text from the mum with her dog who asked 'is ds is ok as looked tired'... She didn't speak to ds or me as she walked by us into friend1 house so presume she didn't really even look at him but ds currently wide awake and gaming. Unfortunately can't shake the eye bags with decreased lung function. Not getting into that with her. My daft moaning, must learn to see the bigger picture that shit like this isn't important. Just felt peeved at the time. I suppose it is what it is.. whatever that actually is.

I think wires have been crossed.

She said they'd not done cake yet. Then when you said your son could come back in, she thought it sounded like she was complaining about him going, so thought she was doing a favour by saying "no its fine go"

Honestly when it's your kids birthday you are chuffed that people have arrived, that they have mates, you are not wishing away specific kids.

I'm a massive overthinker btw, it's a fucking curse x

Sounds so awful your son might get inspiration from a lovely chap with CF called Jago Hartland he wrote a book about a dog sitter with CF based on his life he is on FB abs insta he is so amazing he wd give your son good encouragement and you’re not being too sensitive it’s hard

Not much help this time but by 14 years old I would just tell DS to call me when he wants picking up. That way if he did want to leave early he could and if the party wasn't winding down at the expected time he/the party host didnt feel he had to leave. Get togethers etc at this age very rarely actually have an actual end time in my experience as a lot of the kids will make their own way home and just leave in dribs and drabs or when the home owner gets sick of them and kicks them out.

I’d arrive late next time. I’m assuming your DS doesn’t eat much cake. Maybe that’s what party host thought and, as you had arrived it was time for DS to go. Maybe host was confused about what your DS could manage?

Yes it's definitely some kind of code isn't it, which was why I was a little hurt when dog mum scurried into the front door. Ds is unaware and had a good time with his friends so I will take that and not worry about it. I don't plan on making friends with any of them, he's got some nice mates and hopefully it won't change that.

Sounds like maybe they were worried he was very tired/unwell. I would reply saying, yes he is fine, he often looks tired even when he is not. He had a lovely time at x’s birthday. You don’t need to go into details.

But she had arrived to collect him!

Isn't it a perfectly reasonable assumption that they would therefore be leaving?