For doing this…

[Amiwrong2]

My mother was supposed to mind DS for a few hours tonight as me and DH were going to MIL for dinner (DS is 4 months old, the dinner starts at 7 so he couldn’t come as it’s his bed time not long after)

To summarise things, my mum has anxiety. Has projected it onto me since a young age and then tells me off when I worry excessively saying it’s not good for DS and I shouldn’t project it onto him.

She did it again today with another thing to make me worry so I lost my cool and told her to leave tonight I don’t need her to babysit DS as I will look after him and not go

Yes I have done this to try and make her see she’s wrong. Is it wrong for retaliating this way?

I am just sick of her belittling me for being anxious and worrying and suffering daily with my thoughts. When she is the one who projected it onto me

Are you using it as an excuse not to go?

@JaneJeffer I mean I’m not dying to go but I am not trying to avoid it/dreading it

i get on well with my in laws :) they’re good company

YANBU for not using your mum for childcare but with a 4 month old I'd just take them with you and they can sleep in a pram, on your lap or somewhere. They're very portable at that age. I wouldn't cancel a meal at someone's house.

Go to dinner and take the wee one with you, they're highly portable at that age! It'll also let your mum know that you can be independent although it's hard to fully comment without knowing a bit more about how the relationship works.

Another "take the baby with you"
Make the most of it while you can.

Can't you just take the baby along? Maybe we were a routine-less shambles but at that age we would have just taken DD along with us and she would have ended up falling asleep at some point! Tbh she's 3 and we still do that. My mum would be positively disappointed if I ever turned up without DD anyway

4 month olds are very portable, just take him with you! I wouldn’t have retaliated in this way as you’ve only ruined your own night really, but without knowing how harsh she is or what it’s about it’s impossible to judge really.

Can't comment on your Mum as there's not enough info, but I would just take the baby to the in laws too.

Agree with the idea of taking the baby with you.
Don't let the situation spoil your evening invite, I'm sure your in laws would also love to have him there too.

YABU about not going.. just move on from the argument with your mum, take baby and go to dinner!
Surely your lovely ILs would be disappointed not to see their grandson, and one night out of bedtime routine will be fine.

An official bed time at 4 months? You’re much more organised than I was. At that age you just take them with you. Enjoy it while you can, once bedtime really matters you’re stuck with a much more rigid life.

You haven’t exactly punished your mum have you, from her POV you’re only hurting yourself by turning down free babysitting. Your loss.

I have done this to try and make her see she’s wrong. Is it wrong for retaliating this way?

This is commonly known as cutting off your nose to spite your face, and won’t be an effective strategy to tackle your mother’s behaviour.

Take the baby and a carrycot/pram.

Tackle your mum another day. Or just ignore her when she fusses.

Mine had an official bedtime at 4MO so I get it but I still would take them with me, put them down in the pram and park them in a quiet corner. It’s only MILs and if baby won’t settle you can head home early but at least you tried! It does make life so much easier if they will sleep in the pram when it suits you.