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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands old flame keeps trying to add me

53 replies

IcyBlonde15 · 14/05/2022 12:48

So me and my husband are together ten years, and a girl he dated briefly tried to add me as a friend on Facebook. We have just two mutual friends so I don’t know If it’s possible that I came up as suggested, but then she tried again. I first panicked that she was getting in contact about another kid but unlike mine, her SM is public and she hasn’t got kids. I just declined both times but it has unsettled me. Why on earth would she be trying to contact my dh via me ? What possible reason?

OP posts:
Vimto1991 · 14/05/2022 14:01

I got added by an ex of my DH, just figured she was either being friendly or nosy, but she didn’t have anything to gain and I didn’t have anything to lose (DH isn’t going to swan off with her). We never get further than just liking each other statuses lol.

ineedsun · 14/05/2022 14:03

WhatIsThisPlease · 14/05/2022 13:38

Having two mutual friends is definitely enough for Facebook to suggest you as a friend to her (and vice versa). See how many friends she's got. If it's loads then she's probably just one of those odd people that adds anyone they've ever heard of.

If it's genuinely bothering you, just block her.

This

Original poster
IcyBlonde15 · 14/05/2022 14:17

Thanks everyone for quick replies. The whole thing has just unsettled me because a good few of my friends have had women from past and complete strangers reach out to say her husband has been sexting her , just wanted you to know etc and my heart just sank a bit

OP posts:
mum61 · 14/05/2022 14:19

@IcyBlonde15
Could be many reasons or none but curiosity.
You could decline/block or accept and see if she communicates further or directly ask why she added you ....then block if you see fit.
Did you ask you Dh what he thinks? because his response could be insightful...

WhackingPhoenix · 14/05/2022 14:22

GarlicGnocchi · 14/05/2022 12:52

He's still shagging her. Or he was abusive and she's trying to tell you.

🙄

User0610134049 · 14/05/2022 14:24

Have you got privacy settings? Maybe she’s hoping you’ll just accept the request so she can have a nosey and see some pics of you and your partner

Original poster
IcyBlonde15 · 14/05/2022 14:24

mum61 he seemed totally mystified and said why don’t I ask her, last he heard of her they were 15 so his guess is nosiness but obvs he can’t answer for her so he said if it’s really bothering me ask her

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 14/05/2022 14:36

Why was your first thought he had another child? 😬

You say her profile is public, does she have a lot of "friends"? Is she one those people who add anyone and everyone? Just to look like she has a zillion friends. She's trying to add you due to your two mutual friends and not your DP?

Original poster
IcyBlonde15 · 14/05/2022 14:42

Crunchymum I probably watch too much TV! Plus I have a friend who works for the CSA and it happens a LOT

OP posts:
Isitsixoclockalready · 14/05/2022 14:55

GarlicGnocchi · 14/05/2022 12:52

He's still shagging her. Or he was abusive and she's trying to tell you.

Wow.

Irishfarmer · 14/05/2022 14:57

I would think nosey! I can't believe she actually added you though. As pp said she might just add everyone FB recommends. If she does again, I think I'd send a quick message (because I am also nosey) 'Hi, I got your friend request, just wonder how do I know you'?

Stravaig · 14/05/2022 15:00

You are unreasonable to ask a forum of strangers! Just approve her request and find out. Possibly something untoward, more likely just general friendliness. Is there something else going on to make you so wary?

slightlyslumamama · 14/05/2022 15:08

@elizabethdraper "I am friends with a few of my ex wives"
Just a few of them? 😂

Greensocksday · 14/05/2022 15:12

block, or just leave the request hanging there, if you delete they can ask again, if you block they’re going to realise, but if you leave it hanging they don’t know why it’s just hanging, I did this and was asked why I’d not ‘made friends’ so I made out I’d missed it/hadn’t realised it was there, don’t do fb much, etc etc, then just forget about them.

tulips27 · 14/05/2022 15:21

I once wanted to return a load of photos that had been left by ex at mine, it was about ten years after we split and I added his now wife as I didn't want to freak her out by adding him. I messaged her to show it wasn't a romantic thing, so the opposite of what some people here are saying.

LetitiaLeghorn · 14/05/2022 16:37

GarlicGnocchi · 14/05/2022 13:50

Maybe I'm just not as attractive as you. I didn't realise this was a thing people did. It seems so odd to me.

Show quote history

You never get friend requests from other people? I don't even use FB and I get loads of requests. I just thought it was some sort of logarithm or something. But I like your explanation of me being very attractive so much better! Thank you. You've made my day. 😊

ImAvingOops · 14/05/2022 16:43

Is she friends with your dh? Cos I'd be more concerned about that tbh. I think she's just nosy - I'd decline and block but keep an eye on dh's friends list

x2boys · 14/05/2022 16:50

Maybe an accident, possibly she was curious about your dh and added you by accident ?
Although twice is odd

fairytwinkletastic · 14/05/2022 16:53

Is she an MLM hun? If so, she will add anyone she can. Has happened to me with a couple of odd requests.

Dilemma22 · 14/05/2022 16:56

Was gonna say, every time I've had random friends of friends add me, it's an MLM thing.

VimFuego101 · 14/05/2022 17:25

fairytwinkletastic · 14/05/2022 16:53

Is she an MLM hun? If so, she will add anyone she can. Has happened to me with a couple of odd requests.

I bet this is it. Brace yourself for an incoming sales pitch.

NorthernLights5 · 14/05/2022 17:33

She was probably being nosey. I have random people I've never met or heard of trying to add me. Friends of my partners or friends of friends too. Some people add anyone and everyone to look like they have loads of friends or because they want to flog things.

Jumping to him having a secret child is strange though. As is a few people saying. he's been inappropriately messaging them. One could be explained by being a shit stirred but a few?...

Simonjt · 14/05/2022 17:41

Probably just being nosey, I was scrolling through the FB of my husbands ex once and accidentally liked a photo as I was scrolling.

If you block her she won’t be able to find your facebook profile.

ecnatsid · 14/05/2022 17:43

My DH's ex messaged me randomly asking how we where (I've never met or spoken to her) but DH blocked her over 6 years ago before we got together, so she must've done some serious digging lol

Organictangerine · 14/05/2022 17:49

It’s just nosing if she had something to say she would just message you directly