Ask women/parents who's dh work away.

[Macbeth8]

Hello

My dh will be working away for a 17 week training course. This factors in most weekends which I dont get but im dreading it
We have 3 children, a teen, a 4 year old and an 18 month old..
I really dont know how I am going to cope..he does often work away but thats 'here and there'
This is a 17 week stint.
Does anyone else have a similar situation? Please can you advise how you cope, any tips etc.
I think its the fact he wont be coming back every weekend thats killing me. From a mareiage point of view, how do you keep the marriage alive?
And then him being a father..the children are young. Would they forget him possibly?

DH has been working away regularly for years. Mostly 4 or 5 nights a week but he has done longer stints including weekends.
You just get on with it tbh. In my case before he was working away he was out of the house from about 5am until 7or 8pm so I was doing the majority of the household stuff anyway.
Try and get out on your own at least once a week and i go out for dinner with the kids once a week too.

Another military WAG here- it’s hard, especially with young children, and especially if you’re juggling work etc too. My tip to echo others would be to work smart and accept as much help as you can. Have a big food shop once a week so you always have the essentials in. Have a cleaner if you can afford it. Accept any family help you can. And if you don’t already have a reliable babysitter look at maybe trying a few out before he goes. I learnt quickly not to sweat the small stuff, laundry and cleaning can wait, what’s important is making sure everyone (including yourself) is ok!

The most difficult thing I find is not having any time to myself, so my tip would be to try and ringfence some time for yourself once a fortnight or so to do something thats just for you (so not going out and doing the food shop).

Also just because he’s away doesn’t mean he can’t help with the house admin, so maybe set up a shared online folder so he can still make calls to people, pay any bills etc so all the house stuff doesn’t fall on your shoulders too.

Last thing- when he is home, don’t feel guilty taking some time for yourself, and getting away for a day etc.

It’s hard, but like the others have said, own it and make it work for you! I loved my free evenings and big spacious bed to myself!!!

On the relationship side, I won’t lie, we’ve found it to be a really hard transition when he comes back- mainly around him struggling to adapt to routine, schedule, responsibilities when he’s used to doing his own thing whenever he wants. Strangely enough that isn’t really compatible with young children. I also struggle because I’m so used to doing everything i struggle to then relinquish control, plus when he was deployed over covid I struggled with so much resentment that he’d left me to handle everything myself.

My point in telling you this is to have realistic expectations and communicate with each other about the good and then bad. We used to watch series on Netflix ‘together’ from our respective locations and then chat about it as we watched over text. Just get creative. Technology is absolutely brilliant now so there’s loads of options to communicate in a way that works for you. Also if there are weekends he can come home for, maybe a mini break either with the family, or a night away just you two is always a great idea!

I have no mummy friends. This is another thing I worry about that I'll be secluded and alone with the kids.