AIBU to leave a job I love because my boss is awful?

[Silvercurtains]

The boss has terrible people skills and there’s no-one above them to report to. They don’t want to hear any ideas or suggestions unless it’s coming from a select few colleagues they’re friends with outside of work. They’ve made other staff cry before by being short tempered. They’re quick to anger when they’re challenged on anything or they think someone’s doing something wrong.

I don’t spend too much time with them one on one but I’m sick of the tension and lack of respect shown. I’m good at my job, I work hard and I enjoy what I do. This isn’t in dispute by the boss but they’re still not interested in what I have to say because I’m not their friend.

It’s so frustrating and I’ve been caught in the middle of arguments between them and other colleagues before when I don’t want to be put in that position. Other colleagues have left because of their attitude but I don’t think I’ll be able to get this job elsewhere (it’s pretty niche). I’m going to have to leave anyway to avoid the stress this person is causing aren’t I? They’re not going to change.

What job is it though? What is this niche job?

Sorry I’m not comfortable saying what I do as it may be too outing. The fact that once again I can’t sleep because I’m running conversations through my mind over and over is making me more certain I need to quit.

Personally I would but I don’t know your financial situation

I’d have to tighten the purse strings but I could cope until I get another job. I’m not a confrontational person but I’m not scared of confrontation either and I’ll say something if I feel it really needs said. We’re at the stage I’ve kept my mouth shut about plenty of things I’ve disagreed with but there’s an issue that needs to be discussed and they’re going to be so pissed off at me no matter how diplomatic I am. They will never admit to being in the wrong. Every apology comes with a ‘but’…..

I had a job like that.

It got to me more and more each day. It was bullying at the highest level and I saw it happen first to Bob then Dave etc.

For that and other stuff that made me uncomfortable, I left.

I did. It made me ill in the end. I took a pay cut, got a job in a wonderful supportive team and built my confidence up again.

Could you not look for a new job before resigning? Or take some time off sick? How awful for you, I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

That situation sounds toxic and would get anyone down. I would start looking and applying for other jobs. I’m earning £2k a year less than same role in other organisations. However the team I work with are great and my manager is good and knows what they are doing. To me, it’s worth it.

Look for a new job and then after you've left email HR documenting the bullying and abuse. It might not achieve anything but at least someone else will know about it.

When I completed my exit interview, I filled in all the gory details & emailed it HR copying in head of HR. I heard through a former colleague that the two bullies left within 6 months. One because the thick cow bullied the wrong person HOD of a department, who does that ffs. Then her sidekick left after realising she'd be crucified after her bullying mentor was sacked.

Assuming you have options no job is worth sacrificing your health for. And HR in organisations almost always side with the bully. I've learned my lesson and don't hang around any more for years of abuse. I'm currently just about to change jobs as a new (very junior) coworker has been brought in recently who is so creepy I have nightmares about working with them. I certainly don't want to wait until they've been promoted to management and have power over me, thanks!

You're ok for money until you find another job so start looking while you're working your notice. Who wants to put up with that every day?
Walk..

I could have written that. Had exactly the same experience, and it got so bad I'd wake at night panicking and going over conversations, and planning what to do. Had a 'final straw' moment, and resigned. Took a month off to catch my breath and now have another job I love. Definitely leave.

Thanks for the replies. My boss owns the company so nothing’s going to change. I’ll start looking for new jobs this week. I’ll have to brave the inevitable storm when that issue is discussed, hold my ground best I can and move on. I’ve only had two hours sleep worrying about this which isn’t like me.

No your boss won't change as there is no reason to.

I'd start job hunting and putting feelers out.

Move on. Things will never change while the boss has his cronies. I worked in a toxic environment with a bullying boss. There was do much mistrust in the workplace it was impossible to be happy.

I could have written this! I left and now have a nice peaceful job where I have a lovely manager and a 7k salary increase 😀

That’s exactly it. There is so much mistrust between everyone and I think it’s filtered from the top down.

I also could have written your post! I am super niche too but have accepted its time to identify my transferable skills and move on.

A toxic manager can be exited. But a toxic CEO with a bunch of cronies is not going anywhere for a long long time.

A poor culture as well is another red flag.

You don't have to create an issue about leaving just describe it as "an opportunity I couldn't refuse" once you have a new job.

I could have written your post this time last week, I really could. I walked out of my job on Wednesday because it was making me ill, something was said and I just snapped and walked. I've lived and breathed it for over 10 years and it's ground me down to such a point I am an anxious wreck!

Either confront the boss or leave. If you need the reference probably just go down the leave route but I've had good results telling a hostile boss how I felt about them. Not a risk free approach!

If your boss owns the company then there is no chance of anything changing. I think that not your decision has to be do you hand in your notice and then leave or wait until you have a job to go to. Is there any chance of you doing this job freelance?