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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people just don't learn manners any more?

15 replies

DilemmaDelilah · 13/05/2022 23:09

I advertised something we don't need any more on a local Facebook freebie site a few days ago. It is nearly new, good condition and cost several hundred pounds to buy. I had a couple of 'is this still available' responses which irk me but I know they are a standard response generated by facebook. What REALLY annoyed me though was the person who sent an 'is this still available' message which I responded to - then sent another one a couple of days later - then sent 'can u deliver'. No please, no recognition that they would be getting something for FREE, nothing! It was a very bulky item, too big for a car, so I understand it might be difficult for them to collect, but just 'can u deliver'!!!!! If they had asked politely if it was possible for me to deliver as they weren't able to collect then I would have responded politely to say that I couldn't. I am ashamed to say I wasn't very polite in my response. Maybe I'm just showing my age but I think it you are contacting somebody you don't know, to ask them for a favour, then at the very least you should include a please in the sentence, and an attempt at using full words with perhaps even a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence rather than text speak wouldn't go amiss. Just needed to rant...

OP posts:
easyday · 13/05/2022 23:13

Sorry but I'm not one for niceties in this situation. Just like I can't stand it when some sales person rings up and starts with 'how are you today'. Just state your business and get on with it.
I'm sure if you did deliver you would get your wanted 'thank you'.

SpindleInTheWind · 13/05/2022 23:15

I've seen a few threads on MN about this.

It's very rude behaviour.

By contrast, my local Next Door page (the one with the moaning about the council, missing pets etc) also has posts offering items for free, and people while fairly blunt will say please and thank you and try to be pleasant. It's not a literacy problem. I think it a FB one, with posters set up to be jumping in.

worraliberty · 13/05/2022 23:15

You're right, that was rude to ask in that manner. Some people have no manners at all, especially as they were asking a favour (even if they might have expected to pay for delivery).

Perhaps equally though, some people who give away free things are also rude. They act like Lord or Lady Bountiful and expect a bit of forelock tugging when in reality, they're just getting rid of something that's going to be clogging up their house.

ZenKaleidoscope · 13/05/2022 23:18

Just because one person was like this doesn't mean everyone is like that.

I've had some very polite requests. One person who I gave free stuff to, gave me something free to say thanks. I did not expect this and it was lovely.

Neverreturntoathread · 13/05/2022 23:20

It’s a thing on facebook. Whenever you offer something for free, the assholes pile on asap.

Try offering things for £5 it seems to get rid of the assholes.

Threetulips · 13/05/2022 23:21

I think this is how they actually live and treat their friends and children.

LetsGoDoDoDo · 13/05/2022 23:22

OP I'm totally with you on this one. Rant away! Stay true to your values and hold out for someone more deserving of your kindness.

Hearwego · 13/05/2022 23:23

Part of the reason people offer things away for free is because they want rid of it, rather than getting rid of it themselves.
Hence why they say collection only.

I’ve clearly stated collection only before on adverts and people still say can I deliver it! No I bloody can’t, that’s why I’m giving it away for free! Otherwise I would drive it to a charity shop or the tip !

Duchess379 · 13/05/2022 23:25

'Free' stuff always attracts degenerates. I was giving away double bed duvet sets last year - I had about 6 I was getting rid of. One woman contacted me & was in a genuine desperate situation & wanted all the bedding. No worries, I thought. Gets rid of them. Another woman contacted me & I explained they've all gone. She starts rowing with me, saying I should have split the sets up & shared them out! They were mine to give away! Fucking freak- I gave her suitable advice!!

Wetblanket78 · 13/05/2022 23:29

I can't stand it when people do that. Then ask can you deliver? I don't drive so no. It's free you collect or arrange for it to be collected. They're not buying off Amazon next day delivery. I've heard of people asking for it to be sent in a taxi.🤔😂

Original poster
DilemmaDelilah · 13/05/2022 23:35

I do want to get rid of it, that is true, but I would rather see if anyone wants it first. It's not a problem if nobody wants it - we can offer it to the local charity which collects furniture etc. for people in need, or if necessary we can pay the council to take it away. I'm not being Lady Bountiful but I remember what it was like not to be able to afford things we needed and I have a huge dislike of waste. I wasn't expecting a flowery begging message, but I don't think a polite request is too much to ask for, however brief and to the point it might be. I have also had some really nice messages from other people wanting things we have offered, and some offers of home made jam or fresh veg in exchange, so I know it's not everybody. However there do seem to be an increasing number of people who either just haven't been taught any manners, or haven't been taught how to use those manners when writing a message.

OP posts:
Wetblanket78 · 13/05/2022 23:36

worraliberty · 13/05/2022 23:15

You're right, that was rude to ask in that manner. Some people have no manners at all, especially as they were asking a favour (even if they might have expected to pay for delivery).

Perhaps equally though, some people who give away free things are also rude. They act like Lord or Lady Bountiful and expect a bit of forelock tugging when in reality, they're just getting rid of something that's going to be clogging up their house.

I've come across some rude one's one was wanting rid of a cot no picture. All they asked for was a picture and measurement's not too much to ask. So she put this big long comment up about not having time why should I? I'm offering it for free it's a cot blah blah. Would have taken her less time to take a picture and measure it.

vipersnest1 · 13/05/2022 23:47

People can be so rude. I asked on a local FB group about some carers for my DM. I got a message saying 'what hours?'! when I'd specifically asked for previous experience and the ability to provide references. Suffice to say the person was blocked....

Fran456 · 14/05/2022 00:34

YANBU.
I advertised something for sale on FB group once.
I stated I would only accept PayPal, because I was aiming to donate the money to charity after (I didn't tell them that bit, it wasn't really relevant)
Message: "I will be paying by cheque. Send me your address and [The item] can be posted to me at...". Um, no. Fuck off. I just ignored them. Sold my crap and left the group.

ReverendBernice · 14/05/2022 01:44

vipersnest1 · 13/05/2022 23:47

People can be so rude. I asked on a local FB group about some carers for my DM. I got a message saying 'what hours?'! when I'd specifically asked for previous experience and the ability to provide references. Suffice to say the person was blocked....

I think this one is a bit more fair. I would want to know what the hours were, before I started gathering references and giving my resume. That's not to say they couldn't have offered a please or thank you, though.

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