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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rave at 16

18 replies

Incognitomum11 · 13/05/2022 19:44

Please tell me I’m not insane or weird or wrong or overprotective to not think it’s ok for my 16 year old son to go to a rave at midnight…
some people his age has invited him.

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 13/05/2022 19:47

YANBU. It would need to be a nice sensible afternoon/early evening rave with tea and biscuits for me to let DS go 😂

AliceAbsolum · 13/05/2022 19:53

Not at all. Loads of drugs and violence. Not great peers for him to have

RealHousewifeOfEastLondon · 13/05/2022 19:54

I totally get why this is a bad idea... but sixteen year old me had the best time at raves Blush

Original poster
Incognitomum11 · 13/05/2022 21:45

Haha @BooseysMom yes something organised I would agree with, even if it was late but supervised…

OP posts:
SellFridges · 13/05/2022 21:49

I’d be quite pleased that he asked, rather than just going tbh. On that basis I’d think a lot about compromises that could be possible.

gottaloveascamhun · 13/05/2022 21:53

I'd want to go too...but I'm a hedonist

Flippermeflopits · 13/05/2022 21:59

Well he asked & was honest so that would definitely earn brownie points from me. At some point you have to trust them to do the right thing. My kids pretty much had free reign at 16 & we had an agreement they would call me if they got into situation regardless of what it was or what the time was

LoudingVoice · 13/05/2022 22:11

Sixteen year old me didn’t ask, this was his first mistake

Siameasy · 13/05/2022 22:17

I was going clubbing at 15 in Central London so it would be hypocritical of me to be against this! And no I never told my parents either. Let him go.

VeryGoodVeryNice · 13/05/2022 23:46

16 year old me also had a rare old time at raves. And that was before everyone had mobile phones so I’d just bugger off for a few days and my parents had no idea where I was and no way to find out.

I certainly don’t remember any of my friends of the same age asking their parents permission to go. The only time my parents had any involvement in my whereabouts at that age was if I needed a lift 🤣. And that was very rare, I’d rely on the crappy bus service or hitch hike.

I’d let him go, he’s only young once. Sit him down and say you’re really glad he’s being honest with you and you hope he can continue to do so. Offer to be at the end of the phone/prepared to pick him up if he feels at all unsafe whilst he’s there.

He will almost certainly be taking drugs there, but in my experience I’d say he already has taken them if he’s into that scene. It’s not what every parent dreams of, I get that. If it’s any consolation all of my friends had a good few years of wild partying and then by and large knocked it on the head and became responsible people.

Waffling now but the key thing is here that if that’s what him and his peers are into then saying no to this one rave isn’t going to change that. It may however make him feel like next time there’s something on he has to be a bit more sneaky about it.

Original poster
Incognitomum11 · 14/05/2022 21:09

@VeryGoodVeryNice it hasn’t been his scene before, he is all about sports.
he has tried marijuana he has told me and he always tells me how he will want to try more drugs.
if the rave had been with his friend group or college group I would have maybe been more willing to let him go but they weee all new friends from the bus…

the balancing act for me of letting him have freedom and protect him is hard. His dad is on heavy drugs and has lost unsupervised access because of this (and other things) so I’m terrified my son and his siblings will glorify drugs.

sorry all I actually fell asleep last night.

i did offer a compromise of letting him go for a bit to see what it was like and then I would pick him and he agreed but it didn’t happen.

thank you all for your Impartial input ❤️

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 18/05/2022 14:29

@Incognitomum11

So has he been yet? Hope all is well?

FreddyVoorhees · 18/05/2022 14:53

He's 16. He's bothering to ask you. You've won as a parent.

I cannot remember much of what I got up to at 16. It involved beer and other people hoovering drugs left right and centre. It involved getting in at 4-5am and going out to work at 6am (which makes me feel ancient now).

Although times were very different back when all this were fields, I very much doubt permission was asked for.

As for drugs, he's being honest. This is a bloody good thing. Shows he is paying attention and is switched on. Well done you.

Original poster
Incognitomum11 · 18/05/2022 22:15

@FreddyVoorhees lol that made my day to hear

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 19/05/2022 09:00

He's 16. He's bothering to ask you. You've won
as a parent.

this* *

Bayleaf25 · 19/05/2022 09:50

Clutching at straws here but when DS was 16-18 he did go to a couple of organised raves for U18s, these were in clubs usually a weekday night with strict no alcohol and drugs policy (not sure how they could police the drugs in fairness). They finished at 11pm.

Call us bad parents but we did allow him to go (and picked him up outside the door of the first one). This is different to a free for all open to anyone rave though I guess.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/05/2022 09:53

I hated this age with my two. You want them to have fun and spread their wings, but also be safe. It's great he's asked you.

16 round here is the Reading Festival age, so I suppose that is riskier and goes on for days!! Drugs and booze everywhere.

Original poster
Incognitomum11 · 19/05/2022 18:39

@Bayleaf25 ive heard of things like that and it sounds great. Fingers crossed

@BigSandyBalls2015 a festival !!! Eeek

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