Has anyone raised a teenager that they knew dabbled with class A drugs?

IwonderHowOldThatWallIs · 2022-05-13T07:26:54+00:00

No judgement from those with toddlers who would say that would kick him out and ground him. Realistic responses from those who have been through it would be gratefully received. 15 year old (fifteen! Ffs) told me he had taken ecstasy recently. Im gutted, worried, infuriated. I feel sick. He's fifteen. He's also 6'2" and solid (goes to the gym a lot) so I can ground him but the realistic thing is, if he wanted to walk out he could. We have a really close relationship, we get on very well and he is generally a great, loving, funny amazing kid. Wtf? I feel sick

TikTokCat · 13/05/2022 08:35

He has told you about it. That's great.
Talk to him about the risks and your preference that he doesn't repeat. Hopefully he will listen. He may have told you because he wants the boundary set, or not.
But whatever happens, keep him talking to you.

Upamountain43 · 13/05/2022 08:41

This is pretty common to be honest - the majority of young people experiment with drugs but only a handful go on to it becoming a problem.

Let him know how you feel about about and warn him of the dangers but in reality there is little you can do about it. The most important thing is not to over react - he has taken it and is fine as i assume is anyone else who took it with him. That reality is going to have as much if not more sway than some dire warning about possible issues.

Keep talking to him and you will know if it is becoming an issue - it almost certainly will not

maddy68 · 13/05/2022 08:46

The majority of teens and young adults do.
E isn't that bad. In fact it just makes you like everyone and see nice versions of everything.
Far worse to be pissed and end up fighting
It's good that they have told you and you can have an honest talk.
Just them never to have a whole pill at once. Have a 1/4 then they can have another bit after an hour or so and so on just incase it's a rogue one.

mjf981 · 13/05/2022 08:46

I'd say more often than not teenagers will have dabbled in drugs (depending on where you are). The vast majority turn out fine and don't go down the path of addiction. Try not to worry too much OP.

RainbowCottonCandy · 13/05/2022 08:47

Yes I have. My dd was 16/17. She was quite open as she knows me and her dad dabbled when we were around 18 - 20.
I obviously wasn't happy but at the same time always thought she's doing no different to what I did!
I asked her where she was getting it from (friend of a friend) and I told her risks etc and said they must all look after each other do not take too much and if anything goes slightly wrong get help immediately. Do not wait or be scared you'll be in trouble. This was when her and a group were going to regular festivals. And indeed 1 night her mate took too many and was in the first aid tent. He was thankfully OK but had been daft enough to sink a load of spirits as well as adding ecstasy to it.
Once festivals were over dd stopped but during a bad time she went on to take ketamine. This did get out of hand. Her dealer, who she called a friend, would call her daily asking her what she wanted. She took it every evening and quickly became dependent. It was a worrying time but with the help of her friends and the timing of a big family holiday we got her away and she cried and cried and completely recognised she was in trouble.
She lapsed twice when we got home and used to wake physically craving it. It was awful to see. I was going to involve GP etc but in the end it wasn't necessary. We told her she can never take it ever again because like an alcoholic, once you have been addicted you can't just have the odd drink because you can't stop.
She's well over it now. Drinks too much at times but that's better than what she was like.
I think all you can do is warn them of dangers and discourage. Sadly its common and usually a phase. If you go in guns blazing they'll only do it behind your back.

Showit · 13/05/2022 08:51

I'd just be grateful he told you. Hopefully you can now have a conversation about it and the risks and that he was lucky to come through unscathed. Look up a reliable source for info before you discuss it. I've heard my teens talk about parties they been to where coke has been available and they haven't taken it but obviously I just have to take their word for it. Tread carefully as if you kick-off then he won't tell you about 8t again. I'd feel sick too. Hope that's helpful and not meant to be patronising.

LunaMoonHare · 13/05/2022 08:55

maddy68 · 13/05/2022 08:46

The majority of teens and young adults do.
E isn't that bad. In fact it just makes you like everyone and see nice versions of everything.
Far worse to be pissed and end up fighting
It's good that they have told you and you can have an honest talk.
Just them never to have a whole pill at once. Have a 1/4 then they can have another bit after an hour or so and so on just incase it's a rogue one.

E isn't that bad if you aren't one of the (admittedly rare) unlucky ones who gets a dodgy pill from a bad batch. This is what I'd be terrified of as a parent.

I did E twice at around 19/20- was never that interested in drugs. The happy feeling was quite nice but I wasn't that fussed so didn't bother to do it repeatedly. Now at 34 I look back and think I was stupid for taking it.

OP I think the best thing to do is explain why you don't want him to do it again- grounding him will do nothing. Don't come down on him too hard- just emphasise all the reasons why it's a stupid idea. Beyond that, it's very, very difficult. Agree it's a good thing he told you.

Datada · 13/05/2022 08:57

3 positives, he told you, he works out, so has respect for his body and you really like him! The key is having open discussions, whatever he decides to do. You realise you can't ground a guy that age. I think it's reasonable to speak
your concerns, in a calm and age appropriate way. Ultimately, drugs can make life really shit, l think we can all relate to that phrasing. Maybe do some research on the facts, but not bombard him with science. It's really about maintaining the relationship. I think you will both be ok, plenty of good signs. If things escalate, there are parent support groups you can join.

Original poster

IwonderHowOldThatWallIs · 13/05/2022 09:10

Thank you for being honest and not judging.

I know that teens and young adults take pills, I took them every weekend.

But I was 18-19 and the effect it had on my mental health in the long term was fucking horrendous. I can't even explain how bad it was (fine now!).

He has no idea I've ever taken them. I can't believe he is so young to be doing this.

OP posts:

shoehornartth · 13/05/2022 09:13

I'm still very young and have no kids, but my friends parents would meet your criteria. They just didn't know they did! I think it's amazing he's been so honest.

My friends dabbled with MD, Coke, Mcat, Ket, etc. Took it more at uni. Including my DH.
None take it anymore. All friends are now high earning professionals, from teachers to lawyers.

SheeceRearsmith · 13/05/2022 09:15

I have toddlers BUT I have some experience with an older sibling who took drugs and went on to have an extreme addiction. As an observer my parents went in hard and heavy and it totally had the opposite result they wanted. Lines of communication broke down and taking drugs became an act of rebellion and then some. It’s brilliant that your son told you - keep those lines of communication open, be judgement free and curious and talk about risks and how to keep safe. I’m sure most kids experiment and I’m sure those that do and are able to chat to their parents about it come out of it just fine.

Justcallmebebes · 13/05/2022 09:17

I had a DC who did at exactly the same age. Went off the rails for a couple of years and took various stuff - MD and Mcat and stuff I don't know the name for. It was a dreadful time but now 15 years later, they're a different person and we're very close again. I do sympathise OP, but most kids come out the other side.

sunshine298 · 13/05/2022 09:22

I think the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel but without making him feel like shit and that he's being told off. You need to share your concerns. You also need him to be able to talk to you without feeling like it will result in conflict so you can keep a check on it and make sure it's not getting out of hand...

I'm obviously a lot older than your son but less than 10 years since I was a teenager myself and majority of my friends did drugs. It's not something that interests me but my siblings have done it so it's nothing to do with how he have been raised.

AbsolutelyLoveIy · 13/05/2022 09:25

We all took e’s.. and all the rest growing up.

we all have phds, decent jobs and are good parents.

it’s just a phase and curiosity is natural.

I’m fully braced for my kids to be the same tbh

However I won’t be condemning or condoning. Doesn’t work. Our parents did the former and we completely rebelled.

HarlanPepper · 13/05/2022 09:26

I was a teenager who did class As and my parents never had the faintest idea. Consequently I got myself into all sorts of scrapes as a young vulnerable woman and couldn't tell them or ask for help. Now I am a parent of teenagers I do worry, though my (just) fifteen year old currently says she never even wants to drink. She's open about lots of other stuff and she knows some of the things I used to get up to so I have no reason to disbelieve her.

So, I do think it's positive your son can talk to you. I also agree that MDMA is one of the least harmful class As, though not without its risks, and without a testing kit it's hard to even know that's what he has taken. Also regular/heavy use has been linked to long term mental health and I think some cognitive problems.

Mammy55 · 13/05/2022 09:28

In my experience from when I was younger the first time I took it it was amazing and then I took it a few times after that and it was never the same as the first time I’d took it so I got bored very quickly and never took it again. Hopefully the same for him. I am a parent of young children and I just want to say how amazing he has been open and told you, that is so good!!

HarlanPepper · 13/05/2022 09:29

Just read your second post. I think you could try being open with him about what happened to you. Then he will understand you are coming from a place of personal experience.

FussyLittleFucker · 13/05/2022 09:30

Agree with PP, I think you should share your own experience.

yumscrumfatbum · 13/05/2022 09:30

Yes and it affected his mental health. I have always tried to be open about the subject. I have never taken drugs myself, I trained as a psych nurse and saw many drug induced psychosis which was a huge deterant for me. It is common for teens to experiment and the fact he is telling you is brilliant.

Original poster

IwonderHowOldThatWallIs · 13/05/2022 09:30

Thank you for peeling me down from the ceiling.

OP posts:

Lincolnbolt · 13/05/2022 09:52

I first took it at 15 and for several years after. I've always thought that it's better that your kids feel able to tell you, rather than to hide it away, so if they ever feel unsafe they aren't afraid to call you (I had a few dodgy moments when I didn't call my parents and should've - not actually to do with the drugs, but the situations I was in) and if you know you can keep an eye on behaviour etc

Wilkolampshade · 13/05/2022 10:04

Hey OP, yes, both mine did. Neither do now, DD2 a bit of weed now and again but nothing else. Drinks too much mind. DD1 barely even drinks. I was lucky too that mine let me know what was going on and it slowly died away. Keep those channels open and offer straightforward practical advice and info. . Xx

WildCoasts · 13/05/2022 10:16

I know someone who did this as an older teen. In a contrary voice to those who minimise the seriousness, I say you should take it very seriously. The consequences can be serious and irreversible. Even if most get away with it, some don't. I don't want to scare you OP but want to be realistic with you.

Diddlesquatter · 13/05/2022 11:57

There are 2 issues here.
1 Illegality
2 Health risks

I think it’s important your DS understands the risks of dabbling with class A drugs with regards future employment opportunities. There is potential for limiting access to teaching, medicine, law and I expect many others. If this is something many of his peers do it may well be normalised and he may not appreciate how important it is to not get caught.

The health risks are minor compared to many other risky behaviours as evidenced by harm-based, independent advice to reclassify ecstasy out of class A. Many of the potential problems arise from being unsure about what you are taking. This can be mitigated by using a drug testing kit that are freely available online.

spinachmonster · 13/05/2022 14:21

I think it's brilliant he told you and you're close. I always wonder if it's better to tell of your history or not....? I was really close to my Aunt growing up, who had done all sorts, so I was open in talking about what I got up to, whereas I kept it all hidden from my parents. She never judged me and it was great.

Either way in your shoes, I'd probably tell him you're so happy he told you and that the only thing you're worried about is the safety aspect, could he always promise to test the pills first? Could you provide some kits? Try not to worry if possible!