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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny taking the piss?

34 replies

UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 12/05/2022 20:35

Hello everyone, I'm new on here. I started a new job working 2-8pm so I interviewed for a childminder and found the perfect one or so I thought. My kids are 7 and 4 years old and the eldest told me that she was told to go and watch TV in her room so that the childminder could mess about on her tablet. So it's like my kids are not important even tho in the interview 3 weeks ago i clearly stated that I wanted the childminder to help with their reading and writing and play with them. She has no housework to do and just seems to be putting them in front of a screen and then goes on her tablet. She takes them out for walks with her dog but if it rains it just seems like she's taking the piss. I've been very clear about what I wanted as I used to be a childminder and I honestly put 100% into playing with the kids i looked after and stimulating their wee minds. I've spoken to her about this and she has glossed over it and focuses on the fact they get taken out for walks. Would I be unreasonable to get rid of her or are my expectations too high? I live abroad and have no one to ask about what the norm is. Thank you all and I have to say I love mumsnet. The time and effort that is put in by you all to give solid advice blows me away!
Thread title edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
Amammai · 12/05/2022 20:38

Nope YANBU! A small amount of TV would be fine but not whilst she faffing on her tablet!! Does she mind other children too or just yours? I would expect her to have toys for them to play with, provide them with a snack and talk with them.

justfiveminutes · 12/05/2022 20:38

If you're not happy, leave. But of course you run the risk of a similar thing happening again. How do the kids feel about her? If they're safe and happy, I don't think I'd be too worried.

PonyPatter44 · 12/05/2022 20:41

In the UK this person would be called a nanny rather than a childminder. Are you paying her a good competitive rate? Does she know and understand your expectations, and is she capable of meeting those expectations?

sixthformdropout · 12/05/2022 21:05

Hi, I work as a nanny (albeit with kids that are a bit older) and I don’t think this is acceptable. I think you need to reiterate your expectations and maybe even provide a rough timetable so there is no room for confusion. Perhaps the best way to solve the problem would just be to say ‘no screen time for the children at all’ or maximum an hour/half an hour. Then she won’t have any choice but to engage with them (although she should want to as a nanny!!!). Also as a side note she should be in the same room as the children at all times whether or not they are watching TV. The only time I’m in a separate room to the kids I look after is when I’m cooking dinner and even then I call up to check on them regularly.

At the end of the day, you are her boss so she needs to meet the targets you are setting her same as any other job. I’d say give her one more chance and then if she doesn’t fix up then let her go. There are plenty of other nannies out there looking for work.

justfiveminutes · 12/05/2022 21:15

How long do you think she leaves them for? I am just thinking of how many times a pupil tells their mum they were on their own at playtime when it was actually about two minutes of playtime. I suppose I'd differentiate between 'go and watch tv while I reply to this important email' and 'go and watch tv while I watch Netflix and scroll sm.'

Notcontent · 12/05/2022 21:19

If this person comes to your home then she is a nanny and yes, she should be doing a better job. In my experience it often comes down to how much you are paying and whether the person has experience of proper childcare. Sounds like she is treating it as just a “baby sitter” role and doesn’t want to actually engage with your children. Find someone new.

DogsAndGin · 12/05/2022 21:32

She’s an ofsted registered childminder? Keeping records of your children’s progress etc? Then yes - this is unreasonable behaviour from her.

However, if she’s a nanny, and using the TV occasionally - not so surprising.

Howmuchwood · 12/05/2022 21:39

If you're employing her in your own home then you can write into her contract she is not permitted to use her own tablet/phone/laptop to access social media or the internet during work time. She shouldn't be bringing her tablet to work. Much the same as any other job, noone expects to be paid for that, its stuff you do in your personal time outside of work!

maddiemookins16mum · 12/05/2022 21:59

Define her role? Babysitter or Nanny?? You say Childminder but I don’t think it is what we in the UK would call a Childminder. Is this is a formal, contracted role or a informal ‘babysitter’?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 12/05/2022 22:02

Could you ask mnhq to edit your title? This is honestly so damaging to childminders when you mean nanny/babysitter.

FlissyPaps · 12/05/2022 22:05

Depending if she has a written contract or not that outlines the responsibilities and expectations?

But yes, she is taking the piss. Either have a chat with her about the screen time or look for someone else.

ToastandJamandTea · 12/05/2022 22:05

You don't interview for or employ a childminder 🙄

It sounds like you have a nanny.

Viviennemary · 12/05/2022 22:08

I think these are quite difficult hours to find a childminder for. Its not usual for a childminder to help with reading and homework. More like a nanny type job. Depends what you are paying her.,

sashagabadon · 12/05/2022 22:11

I don’t think my childminder helped with homework ( albeit nearly 15 years ago) and I never expected it. Just a light evening meal and then they watched telly or played till I picked them up. That’s all I wanted and expected

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/05/2022 22:13

So she is at your home so a nanny and you are her employer

so write down that you would like Reading and homework done before tv

does she cook a meal for them

WulyJmpr · 12/05/2022 22:31

Why is there a TV in your child's room?

Wineat5isfine · 12/05/2022 22:43

WulyJmpr · 12/05/2022 22:31

Why is there a TV in your child's room?

Yes, because that’s the issue isn’t it 🙄

Original poster
UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 12/05/2022 23:09

Reported to mumsnet for a title change from childminder to nanny. I'm not in the UK so I used the first term that came into my head. Didn't mean to offend any childminders out there

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 12/05/2022 23:14

I didn't say there was a TV in my child's room. She watches Kids TV on a laptop that we have for her homework in her room

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 12/05/2022 23:15

Good advice

Original poster
UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 12/05/2022 23:19

Thanks for all the replies by the way. I'll try and answer your questions tomorrow as I'm absolutely exhausted. Good night all x

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/05/2022 19:59

any update @UnicornsAndRainbows23

Original poster
UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 21/05/2022 20:47

Hello all sorry for the very delayed update. I had an honest word with the nanny and agreed that we would start afresh on the Monday but she messaged me on the Sunday saying that she had suddenly been offered a full time job and she wouldn't be coming back which gave me the impression that she was mortified that she had been caught out and couldn't face coming back afterwards. Or maybe she wasnt I don't know. All I know is getting offered a job on Sunday sounds like a lame excuse. And it's stressed me out this week getting cover. So that's the update

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornsAndRainbows23 · 21/05/2022 20:50

Btw the 'honest word' was done in a nice way not accusing just stating again what we both had agreed when she started the job to get her back on track and give her another chance at least

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/05/2022 21:49

Seems weird she suddenly found another job

equally maybe better off with someone different

good luck with new nanny when find one