Overbearing parents

7 replies

Orangesodaandlime · 12/05/2022 20:11

I’m in my early 20s and live at home while studying and saving up for a house. I love my parents and I know I’m so lucky to have them, but I’m finding them a bit overbearing and I don’t know the best way to handle it!

for context, I’m the youngest and have several older siblings with quite a big age gap. I’m really close to my parents but I think they sometimes forget I’m grown up now!

I know how lucky I am to still live at home and I’m not complaining about that, but I saw the way my siblings were treated compared to me and it feels a bit frustrating. While they were at home, they were treated like adults whereas with me my parents are still like don’t forget to do your uni coursework! Don’t forget to pay your phone bill! Don’t forget to do this! Have you done that yet? Why didn’t you do that? When are you going to do it?! Why haven’t you submitted your uni essay yet? What time is it due? Why aren’t you doing it yet? Arghhh, I just want to scream! I don’t need reminding and treating like a child. My life is perfectly under control without them nipping at me all the time.

ive tried addressing it with them but it doesn’t change. I’m close and I tell her everything which I think is part of the problem, so I’ve started sharing less because then there’s less to nag me about but we have a really close relationship and I don’t want to spoil it or hurt my parents feelings! Does anyone know the best way to handle this or does anyone have any advice? Thanks x

OP posts:

JenniferNightingale1 · 12/05/2022 20:18

I think you're doing the right thing by sharing less, try not to give away so much information and find other things to talk about with them that don't include deadlines. I would try to talk to them again and say it's really stressing you out and the nagging isn't preparing you for flighing the nest.

Whatever00 · 12/05/2022 20:18

Move out. Your a grown up so be a grown up. Work, pay rent, pay bills and be independent. Then you can choose when you see your parents and the level of input they have in your life. Living with parents can be challenging but living with strangers also sucks arse.

MolliciousIntent · 12/05/2022 20:23

I think the issue is you've never moved out (I'm assuming this, and also assuming that if your sibs lived at home as adults, they had previously moved out for a while) so you've never "grown up" in their eyes, you never stopped being a kid.

Three options:

Move out.
Call them on it every single time, and risk starting a gazillion tiny fights.
Continue with the information diet, and risk ruining the closeness.

There is also Secret Option 4, which is... consider it the price you pay to live for free, and suck it up.

Original poster

Orangesodaandlime · 12/05/2022 20:28

My issue is the fact they weren’t like this when my older siblings were at home at the same age as me, they never got nagged about bills or uni or work. It just feels like I’m treated like the baby in the family and it’s a bit frustrating! I still love my parents and I’m really grateful to be able to stay at home while I’m still studying but it’s just a bit annoying being nagged for things I’m perfectly capable of doing myself! If I was forgetting to pay bills I could understand my parents nagging me but I’ve NEVER missed a bill or coursework in my life

OP posts:

frogswimming · 12/05/2022 20:29

Yeah you're probably asking the wrong crowd here! Sounds like you're complaining about a mum doing her best to look after you, to a bunch of mums.

Original poster

Orangesodaandlime · 12/05/2022 20:31

frogswimming · 12/05/2022 20:29

Yeah you're probably asking the wrong crowd here! Sounds like you're complaining about a mum doing her best to look after you, to a bunch of mums.

You’re right, I’ve probably misjudged this post!

Honestly, I’m not complaining about my parents being caring and I’m not being ungrateful, I just posted to see if there was a way I could get them off my back without hurting their feelings or causing any hurt x

OP posts:

DonnyBurrito · 12/05/2022 21:03

Start asking them if they've paid their bills? 🤷‍♀️ Just randomly be like "Oh hey dad, did you pay the water bill this month?" "Yes, why?" "Oh just checking! 😊" etc, and keep reminding them about upcoming bills. Ask them if they've got their alarm set for work in the morning just before they go to bed. That's the kind of thing I'd have done but I was a bit of a cheeky shit. However, I also moved out when I started uni for this exact reason and would never, ever move back. I'd rather pay an extortionate amount of rent than endure being parented again.

Maybe they're hoping they'll irritate you out of their home ASAP though.

Flip