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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School bbq

56 replies

Childbeinganiggtmare · 12/05/2022 17:03

Help wise mums netters. My daughter stated school in September, small school. We’ve had a couple of people back for tea and play, I chat to a couple of the parents but not in depth, iyswim. So, would I be unreasonable in asking maybe 4/5 families to come for a bbq?. Not sure how you actually make friends on the school run so it seemed a nice idea.

OP posts:
Mally100 · 13/05/2022 17:42

Kite22 · 13/05/2022 17:39

There will be some that will be delighted, some will be "bit strange, but I'll go", some will not want to get involved at all.

Remember most people aren't looking to make friends of their dcs' parents.

Out of interest, how will you choose which families to invite ?

I Was thinking the same. If you are new and trying to be friendly with the parents, choosing 4/5 families from the entire class is the exact opposite of what you want to achieve. It wouldn't be nice of you to plan this fun BBQ and pick only certain people.

DogsAndGin · 13/05/2022 17:43

Lovely! Of course it’s ok :)

PoseyFlump · 13/05/2022 17:52

Seriously there's nothing worse than a last minute dash around the shops for stuff you've forgotten. But then I'm an old woman so take the piss all you like.

SkankingWombat · 13/05/2022 17:54

It's a great idea. Are you thinking husbands too? That would be great if you have a partner, as your DH can do the BBQ-ing (and the other dads will generally lurk around there too), freeing you up to get to know the other mums.
You probably won't need to worry too much about putting on a spread either IME, as most will bring a side plus something for the BBQ. I haven't done a BBQ, but have hosted end of term gatherings for 6-8 mums plus DCs. There is always plenty of food! because the people I gravitate towards have the same over-catering tendencies as me

IKnewPrufrockBeforeHeGotFamous · 13/05/2022 17:58

Sounds like a lovely idea!

Applegreenb · 13/05/2022 18:10

I’m secretly hoping we are at the same
school and get an invite…lovely idea

LeonoraFlorence · 13/05/2022 18:15

Sounds lovely and the kind of thing we do/have done. I think it’s nice to bring people together. How will you choose who to invite? That’s the only thing I’d worry about.

SueSaid · 13/05/2022 18:18

Just keep on having various dc over for tea and to play. You then get to know parents at drop offs etc and the ones you get on with come in for coffee and you end up friends.

A bbq for 5 families when you don't know any of them yet would seem a bit ott ime. Just chill, smile at people, chat then take it from there.

Swayingpalmtrees · 13/05/2022 18:20

I have been to parties of school parents and loved them!

Are you friends already or just trying to be friends? How do you know who to invite or are you simply inviting parents of dc's friends?

SomersetONeil · 13/05/2022 18:29

Childbeinganiggtmare · 12/05/2022 18:19

Sorry. When I say I’ve got plenty of alcohol I certainly don’t mean it to be a drinking fest!.

It’s perfectly obvious that you weren’t planning a drinking fest, don’t worry!

It sounds like a lovely idea - it’s how we got to know families and made good friends when our DC started school.

bbqhulahoop · 13/05/2022 18:52

I'd say yes, OP! Wouldn't be brave enough to do 4-5 families back tho, so don't be offended if return offering is just your family for a bbq or pizzacetc!

MrsReeves · 13/05/2022 18:57

Igmum · 12/05/2022 17:32

Lovely idea can I come? Smile (oh how I miss the smiley face with big teeth)

It's still here Grin

Somethingsnappy · 13/05/2022 19:20

I was wondering the same thing as others. You said it is a small school, so there can't be many in each year group. How will you choose which 4 or 5 families to invite? There is a risk some might feel very left out. If you can navigate that obstacle though, it's a lovely idea.

merryhouse · 13/05/2022 19:32

@Igmum you can still type grin in square brackets Grin

winterchills · 13/05/2022 19:36

Aw it sounds lovely!! I would have gone to that if I was invited it's a great way to get to know the parents and kids!

SomersetONeil · 13/05/2022 19:38

Somethingsnappy · 13/05/2022 19:20

I was wondering the same thing as others. You said it is a small school, so there can't be many in each year group. How will you choose which 4 or 5 families to invite? There is a risk some might feel very left out. If you can navigate that obstacle though, it's a lovely idea.

The families of the kids her child is friends with?

LondonQueen · 13/05/2022 19:40

That's a lovely idea, I'd definitely come!

Somethingsnappy · 13/05/2022 19:48

SomersetONeil · 13/05/2022 19:38

The families of the kids her child is friends with?

Show quote history

Friendships seem to swap around very quickly in reception, in my experience.

SomersetONeil · 13/05/2022 19:52

Somethingsnappy · 13/05/2022 19:48

Friendships seem to swap around very quickly in reception, in my experience.

Show quote history

OK, well, you have to start somewhere.

The OP really isn’t suggesting something controversial.

This is the usual method of getting to know families in your school community. You invite some over, figure out if you like and get on with them, see more of them and become friends.

It’s a bit silly to think - well - I can’t invite everyone, so I’ll invite no-one. You’d never make any friends that way.

Original poster
Childbeinganiggtmare · 13/05/2022 21:54

I’m hoping everyone invited will be as enthusiastic as you all are, lovely. So in regards as to who I’ll invite, it’s not far off half the class, so the parents that I speak to more -everyone has parents they chit chat more to.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 13/05/2022 21:55

This is the usual method of getting to know families in your school community.

Well, obviously my dc must have attended very different schools from yours, as I have never done this, and have never been invited to a BBQ at the home of someone I don't know, and I've managed to navigate all my dc through a few different schools.
That's not to say it isn't a nice thing to do, but I hardly think it is "usual".

SomersetONeil · 14/05/2022 00:09

We’ve never been invited to a BBQ (or whatever) of someone we literally don’t know.

But we absolutely have been invited by people we’ve started to get to know (and vice versa) - and then ended up knowing them a lot better and become good friends.

DD has moved to a new school, and now it’s starting up again.

HiJenny35 · 14/05/2022 00:47

Why do you need to be friends, school is for your children to make friends not the adults, it just makes it more difficult for the children when certain mums want to hang out but actually the children would rathe rbe friends with other people. I think it's rather interfering, let the kids have their friends and their playdate, you make friends at work or start attending a group or something. Yes be friendly have a chat on the school run but inviting randoms for a bbq is weird.

WeasilyPleased · 14/05/2022 00:50

@Igmum you can still do it! 😁
Sorry OP. As you were.

caringcarer · 14/05/2022 02:08

Sounds lovely. You could do it over jubilee and have bunting too.