Or is dh?

[cozycusion]

I am pregnant and vegetarian.
We're expecting a little girl in July and id like to bring her up as vegetarian as I don't feel it's fair to make her eat animals until she's old enough to decide she is happy to.
Dh on the other hand thinks she should be made to eat meat until she's old enough to decide.
Who is being unreasonable here?

I may be wrong here, but isn't there an issue if someone has never eaten meat then their stomach develops differently and they may end up ill if the do eat meat?

Nope, that's a myth. I have a friend who insists that meat makes her sick now, but a while ago she had a stomach ache after eating what she only thought was meat, when in fact it wasn't. So my guess is that it's actually just the idea of it that makes people feel ill, rather than the reality. It really is incredible what an effect the mind can have on the stomach - think of people who throw up at the sight of blood etc.

I don't think you need to be any more angsty than the animals you eat. As long as they don't have these kind of existential morality dilemmas, go ahead and do what they would.

If you're sharing cooking, I think it'd make sense that she eats vegetarian meals on days you're cooking and whatever your partner cooks when he does. Growing up, my mother was a vegetarian and my dad wasn't. She did all of the cooking and cooked us meat. I think she was concerned about us not getting enough good stuff and I was a very fussy eater. Some things which we'd all eat would be made with meat substitutes instead but then others she would substitute something instead of the meat we were having on her plate. I became a vegetarian for a few years (thought mainly because of disliking the texture of meat) and then went back to eating meat. I now eat meat and it is one of the few things which doesn't cause me digestive problems!

I think there's a danger that this becomes a battleground between you and DH and I'd work to make sure it doesn't. Don't tie eating meat to her being on Mummy or Daddy's 'side'. That's just a way to breed neurosis. So if she wants to try a bit of Daddy's steak or eat meat at a friend's then let her.

I'd say the fairest compromise is that if you buy her/make her a meal, it will be veggie, and if he buys her/makes her a meal, it can be veggie/carni.

At some point she will show a preference.

This! And she can make her own choices at school.

I do think your wording that he wants her to be “made” to eat meat is off though - no one is going to force her, presumably? She’d just be offered it in a normal way?

I don't think it makes sense to avoid a whole food group when they're so young.

By all means feed her vegetarian meals yourself, but I do think she should be able to eat meat and fish if it's provided at school/parties, or if your DH wants to buy and cook it for her himself.

You are both being unreasonable in my opinion. She should not be "made" to eat anything. In my opinion, you should expose her to a wide range of foodstuffs, but YANBU to not prepare meat for her.

I think YABU because if you don't bring a child up to eat something, its much harder for them to get used to it when they are older. Eg never have beef then they're going to find that taste really strong and different...and most (but not all!) children are afraid of strong and different! So it's not a balanced choice for them if that makes sense

However he is BU to think he gets any say in what she is fed if he doesnt contribute to the cooking!

I can only comment from my own experience, but I was brought up vegetarian in the way you hope to bring your daughter up. (I'm in my thirties now). I was always told I could eat meat if and when I wanted to, but I've never wanted to or felt the need to. I quickly formed my own reasons for why I don't want to eat meat, and I don't think it will necessarily be that long before she is capable of deciding by herself- I understood what eating meat entailed by the time I was three or four, and wanted no part of it. I don't personally feel like I missed out. And I certainly don't struggle like some of my friends do, who want to be veggie or vegan for ethical reasons but find it tough to give up their favourite foods. Meat has no attraction for me.

Similarly, I had a friend who is veggie, and she brought her children up veggie until they were old enough to decide for themselves. Her son decided to stay veggie, but her daughter was quite happily eating meat by the time she was five, so it very much depends on the child, and it should only be a few years until she's capable of making her own mind up. I hope this helps.