Or is dh?

[cozycusion]

I am pregnant and vegetarian.
We're expecting a little girl in July and id like to bring her up as vegetarian as I don't feel it's fair to make her eat animals until she's old enough to decide she is happy to.
Dh on the other hand thinks she should be made to eat meat until she's old enough to decide.
Who is being unreasonable here?

I'm a vegetarian but raises my children to eat 'everything'.

I know I made the right choice when we were at a children's party and a four year old who was being raised as a vegetarian/vegan was crying her eyes out because she wanted to eat what the other children were eating (cocktail sausages, ham sandwiches, chicken etc) and her mother wouldn't let her and had brought her own tub of food that looked completely unappealing when compared to the party food.

Children are often fussy when it comes to food so why start off limiting what they can eat especially when children will encounter many social situations where food is key.

We've found this a really complex question and our approach has evolved over time.

I don't agree meat should be the default - at all. Healthy food is the objective. Giving your child dead animal that's been systemically brutalised etc might not be a choice they're comfortable with later in life.

We started off with a vegan diet that had been heavily, heavily researched and took hours and hours and hours to make. With a pandemic and me getting some health issues that limits time and energy, that wasn't sustainable. Plus nursery were giving them processed replacement crap.

They now have meat and fish once a week here, plus the standard fare at nursery. We don't like it, but that's the world we live in at the moment.

It may not be possible to feed her a 100% vegetarian diet. The range of food I would eat as a child was so restricted that I would have been severely malnourished if I had not had meat and fish available to me.

Indeed, both my kids would struggle to get enough protein without meat and they are not that fussy compared to some kids.

Personally I think a balanced, healthy diet is the top priority.

This sounds like a good compromise.

I don't think you should insist that your child is is fully vegetarian if it's not what your partner wants.

Whilst it can be done, I think a veggie diet can be a little more restrictive for children than adults, due to their additional protein needs and sometimes kids have a tendency to be fussy eaters. I think both partners would have to be on board and committed to supporting the child with vegetarian diet and making sure they get their nutritional needs met.

In your position I think I'd just limit meat intake to when out and about/ when your partner is cooking/ when he's having meat, so it's a compromise.

I think children should be offered the whole range of foods - they can and will show their preferences when they are old enough.

Also importat to remember you haven't committed a transgression against your child by feeding them meat. Your child will make their own ethical/ lifestyle decisions on all kinds of things when they get older, and it won't all be in line with how you raised them, and that's OK.

In my experience my dc (now adults) were quite old before they’d tuck into a piece of meat and veg (early teens) . They enjoyed stews or mince things where meat was small and didn’t need much chewing form as soon as they were on solids, But they ate a LOT of fish - and would (and still do) prefer that to meat. we almost became pescatarians!
so, imo is while weening expose your child to a LOT of different foods, multiple times. Then take your lead from them…it’ll move from flavour preferences to texture preference as food gets more solid. Keep it a highly varied and obviously balanced (don’t young children need some other foods as sources of essential minerals and vitamins if they’re not having meat? Iron zinc and B12?) I’d not avoid anything including small amounts of meat when your DH has it so they’re constantly exposed to flavours and textures. There’s good evidence that humans ate more fish and occasional meat in prehistoric times so I used to aim for that and still do.

Just don’t pander to their preferences as they develop- cook one dish only that everyone eats and don’t get sucked into cooking multiple dishes for faddy eaters. All kids take a dislike to a few specific foods and that is easy to avoid giving them without creating specific dishes (DS1 it was banana, peas and raw tomatoes, DS2 ate everything and anything 🤣)

Both SIL are vegetarian, two nieces to one have grown up completely vegetarian (BIL is also vegetarian) the older daughter (24) is now also vegan. Hasn’t bothered them & I think as a family it made complete sense. The other sil her partner is a meat eater she was very undecided about what to do so she primarily fed them a vegetarian diet at home, at nursery gave them a choice and the Bil occasionally cooked and would give them meat. The older son is 12 now and much prefers the vegetarian choices and doesn’t eat meat at all the younger son 8 still very undecided or maybe a little to young to fully understand.

in all cases the children are happy and healthy- whether the choice is given with age or meat just not provided for from birth.

A child she be fed a balanced diet of all food where they can decide when old enough what food they want to eat.

No adult should decide to restrict a child's diet, according to their own beliefs, everything in moderation.

Giving your child dead animal that's been systemically brutalised etc might not be a choice they're comfortable with later in life

Whilst this is true, there are lots of things that parents do when raising children that the child may look back on and think 'wtf was my parent thinking?'

Interestingly, I once met someone whose parents raised him as vegetarian, and as an adult he felt resentful about this because they didn't give him a varied diet. He didn't like the taste of meat because he wasn't used to it, and he felt restricted about what he could eat in restaurants! He was actively trying to train himself to enjoy eating meat.

The point is, we can't preempt what our children are going to care about when they grow up. We can only do our best for them based on what we know and what we can currently provide.

I'm veggie, DH isn't.

DCs primarily eat similarly to DH - veggie at home most of the time, but the option to eat meat when we're eating out, or having different meals. The main thing we keep in the house for them is fish fingers, as they're convenient and not bad for them. And cheaper than veggie burgers!

DC1 is 5, and starting to make the links to meat and fish being dead animals properly (he's always been told), but it doesn't really bother him that much.

A child she be fed a balanced diet of all food where they can decide when old enough what food they want to eat.

No adult should decide to restrict a child's diet, according to their own beliefs, everything in moderation.

I agree with this.

Dh on the other hand thinks she should be made to eat meat

Did he actually say, ‘made’? That very emotive language-I’m wondering if that’s your word rather than his.

Agree with this. I have a few friends who are Vegetarian and some vegan and eventually gave in and allowed their children to eat meat without being topped up by a range of vitamins

This is exactly what me and my OH do.

What age do you let them decide? My DC have wanted to eat food off my plate since the age of 1 so when they’re a baby and asking do you let them? Or is there a particular age you feel is mature enough to decide?

Surely the point of vegetarianism/veganism is to minimise harm to animals? In which case, sustaining your children on a diet of meat is doing the exact opposite.

There are vegetarian and vegan children. I'm with you.

I don't feel it's fair to make her eat animals

I don't it's fair to force her to be vegetarian either. I would serve both types of food at home (assuming Dh eats meat sometimes) and allow her to choose at relatives houses/ restaurants. When she starts school they usually have a veg and non veg option so again, whatever she prefers on the day. When she's older, she can decide if she wants to v exclusively vegetarian based on any convictions she may/ may not have.

You are, I think for young kids and especially that young, meat is the best way to get them the dietary needs they benifet from at that important growing stage. We are really evolved to eat meat, it’s just that when the availability is there we can get those nutrients from other areas - however that’s hard with a wee one. You don’t want her underdeveloped just because of your own personal conviction.

Really the best way for her to get a balanced diet is meat, don’t let ideology come before that. She can choose that later.

I am a vegetarian and I’m also doing precisely this.
My only thought about your dilemma is to wait until the child is actually at the stage of eating solids to have this discussion with your husband. My DH and I tied ourselves in knots arguing before we had children about how we’d bring them up. Enjoy your pregnancy and save these hypothetical issues for when you’re faced with them, you both might feel differently after the child has arrived.

I think you have equal say. I'm a vegetarian and my husband eats meat. I do all the cooking so our two daughters are both vegetarian and have been since birth. No issues health wise
I figured when they were older they could decide to eat meat if they wanted. They are now 7&9 and both still want to be vegetarian

I’m vegetarian, I brought my daughter up eating meat.

I believe trying to "decide " this type of thing beforehand often creates problems. In my opinion it's best to aim for this. We aim to feed our child the best possible diet, with enough protein and nutrients for optimal growth and nutrition.
How we do that will depend upon many things. Some of those will be controlled by us, for example the amount of time and effort we put into buying and preparing her food, some will come from your child. If she is a difficult eater, then giving her a good diet is tricky even without factoring in being vegetarian.
In my opinion in your circumstances it's fairer on your child to have meat and fish as something she has occasionally, even if the majority of the time she eats other food types. In this way her body will learn to digest meat, but will also quite easily be able to cut it out when older if she wishes. I believe in letting my children make their own decisions, but only when they have the mental capacity to do so, others believe the cause they are fighting for is more important than an individual's right to choose.

I may be wrong here, but isn't there an issue if someone has never eaten meat then their stomach develops differently and they may end up ill if the do eat meat?

I've definitely had this shouted at by a vegetarian person when I accidentally put the wrong plate down in front of her back in my waitressing days. She told me that as she hadn't eaten meat since she was a child, her stomach had now developed so digesting meat would cause her to be in pain/ill.

I'm raising my daughter as a vegetarian. I was raised vegetarian (and since gone vegan), so this was a deal breaker for me discussed long before pregnancy. (My husband does eat meat, but not at home).

In contrast to the person mentioned above, I am forever grateful to have been raised vegetarian. It makes perfect sense to me that my Mum wouldn't feed me something she's morally opposed to. Vegetarian food can be totally safe and nutritious, and for me personally it is easy to know what to feed a vegetarian child, because I've been one!

For the fussy eaters mentioned, I've found Quorn Roarsomes and Birds Eye Fishless fingers to fill the gap for beige breaded protein perfectly well, along with crispy tofu bites... and if we have fussy kids over who aren't used to vegetarian substitutes, I've done cheese pizza, waffles and beans/peas with great success!

For parties I certainly don't bring special/disappointing vegetarian food... I've not been to any kids parties that didn't have cheese sandwiches so far, and usually lots of other options like jam sandwiches, egg sandwiches, cheese pizza, plus fruit, houmous, bread sticks, vegetable sticks, crisps, party rings, jelly pots, jammie dodgers... most party food is fine! The only effort required so far has been occasionally swapping out party bag haribo for the vegetarian equivalent... but I already check party bags for hard lollies and swap those out, so it's not a lot of extra trouble!

She's welcome to make a different choice when she's older (my brother and I completely diverged - he took up meat eating and I went vegan!), but until then she's stuck with what I believe is right... same with vaccinations (yes), extended rear facing, a blanket ban on Bing and a strict policy on choking hazards!

I think you both have equal say in what she eats, to be honest. I would say that if he's cooking or preparing her food, he can feed her meat if he wants to, but if you're doing in it then you can give her something vegetarian.

You feed her a veggie diet, he feeds her meat.