To think DH was cheating then or is now?

[couldjustbehormones]

I appreciate this might sound a little crazy but the condensed version of this is:

I’m 9 months pregnant with 2 small children at home. At the beginning of this pregnancy DH turned into a huge arsehole (he’s usually a very kind man). Super selfish, unkind, I was vomiting constantly and kept getting illnesses on top and he didn’t want to help unless forced, very resentful and nasty. Looking at naked women on Instagram etc. this went on for months and finally we had a big discussion and things were good for a couple of months. Just normal

Suddenly, in the last 2 months his behaviour has swung again like a pendulum but in the other direction. He’s now super husband and super sad. He’s working so many hours but still doing SO much without any complaints or without being asked.

I know this sounds crazy but I’m panicking a little that either he was cheating when he was so nasty, or he is now and that’s why he’s being so amazing. I can’t understand how one person can swing from one to the other like that without a reason?

It sounds like there was something going on anyway. Did he want another child? Could it be that he didn't and that's why he's turned into such an asshole?

He did want another! This baby was planned and agreed upon (mutually, it wasn’t me pressuring etc) as all of them have been

Maybe he's just realised what an arsehole he was and trying to make it up?

Trust your instincts and do some digging...

What did he say when you had the big discussion? It is very weird that he'd turn like that for months as well

Does sound very odd. Maybe it's guilt, but still seems strange unless he's recently chatted to a friend or family member who's given him a reality check on how he acted before.

@AryaStarkWolf

What did he say when you had the big discussion?

he said he was feeling resentful about doing so much and he had been looking at women on Instagram as escapism and would get off social media and be more helpful.

the thing that’s weird though is he didn’t suddenly become amazing after that, he was just back to normal. Then again this large swing to being amazing. I don’t get it

Yeah, it does seem a bit odd alright, what i will say though is if he had been cheating back then he probably wouldn't have been looking up naked Instagram models as well. Could be that the Instagram thing was what he was doing, maybe messaging them or something?

Hmm I'm long in the tooth but I suspect you're on to something. Behaviour changes like this, months after the big talk, suggest something is amiss.

@AryaStarkWolf

he could have been but equally I am not sure if perhaps he was feeling dissatisfied with me as he had an attraction to someone else and was in a bad mood but that now he’s acting on it he’s happy? I’m not really sure what to think I just can’t see any possible explanation for this other than some sort of affair or similar. Again maybe I’m being crazy because it’s crazy to say “my husband is being too nice” but within the context of the extreme nastiness it’s worrying

Very odd behaviour! I'd keep my eyes wide open.

Stop overthinking it and don't actively look for problems.

A few possible explanations:

• he's been very stressed at work but suddenly got better (end of big project or whatever).
• he has SAD and is a lot happier mentally in sunshine/ summer.
• he's going through a midlife crisis/ affecting him mentally so massive swings in mood

I would have a chat with him and see how he's doing. Just generally how he's feeling about life, you've noticed he's happy. Ask lots of questions. If he talks about feeling much better mentally you could probe why. If he's elusive to 'deep chats' I would get suspicious.

Ask lots of questions. If he's elusive to 'deep chats' I would get suspicious.

If my partner was probing me and trying to force me to have 'deep chats', I'd get pissed off!
"I've noticed you're happy"
"Yeah, things are good"
"But why are you happy?
"eh?"
"Why are you being nice to me, it's not like you"
"I'm just being nice"
"But why?"
"FFS!!"

Honestly there's two sides: 1) gut doesn't lie - listen to it 2) people can become like that without cheating...if that's the only evidence you had I'd find it very hard to land where you have.

The other thing, and sorry if this is a drip feed, is that he has lost weight. He was never fat but he’s lost a few kg since we fixed things

I don’t want to create problems for the sake of it and obviously things are very nice and he’s being so helpful but it’s hard not to question it

I’ve also noticed that on his work phone WhatsApp he has that setting where you can’t see when you’re last online. Is that the default position on WhatsApp? His normal phone you can see so it’s a bit odd

If he had clients messaging etc on WhatsApp, I wouldn't have that switched on either.

I also switched it off for my normal account. Not being able to see when people were last online if they hadn't replied has done wonders for my anxiety.