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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School dinners

4 replies

ChickensandCows · 11/05/2022 23:09

Name changed

The last 2 days at school have been meals my daughter doesn't like (she's 5) usually she eats around the thing she doesn't like (so eats the veg, potatoes and bread and leaves the rest) I'm happy with this as she's eating most of it but not the piece of pizza or chicken or whatever the main part is. She then had fruit snack at school, a healthy snack when I pick her up at 3 and a decent family dinner at 5.30. So she's not starving and was quite happy with this set up.

Anyway the last 2 days she's told me she has missed play time as she didn't eat her meal at lunch time so had to sit out the rest of the lunch hour in the classroom with the TA basically nicely forcing her to eat (rewarding her with a sticker etc at the end) the teacher has approached me today to discuss this and I was disappointed she didn't discuss this with me first to be honest as I would have said no thanks just leave her be.

Is this normal policy at school to segregate children like this and make them eat?

I've been avoiding packed lunches everyday as I want my child to eat school dinners (can't afford packed lunches everyday really and want her to have hot food) and it's probably usually 1 day per week she'll eat round stuff - but this week she didn't want to eat hardly anything these 2 days as its a new menu and 2 things she really doesn't like. Bit the rest of the week is fine.

I'm concerned about making food an issue as it never has been before- the force feeding makes me uncomfortable and I'm worried about long term effects like eating disorders.

I've come up with a solution with my child which involves checking the menu on Sunday nights for the following week and providing packed lunch for the odd day where there isn't anything she'd like at all on the menu therefore avoiding the segregation etc - but I also want to speak to the school to say please don't do this regardless as it seems horrible to me.

So tell me

YABU - it's normal school policy to do this and you just need to suck it up.
YANBU this isn't right and you should speak to the school to stop this segregation/force feeding.

OP posts:
pinksquash13 · 11/05/2022 23:18

In my experience there is a bit of encouragement around school dinners, mainly because some kids would prefer to play than eat. We'd never have an adult sitting with a child encouraging them to eat. It's more like, have two more mouthfuls and then you can go. I would request no intervention. I definitely agree you should do packed lunch for the days she doesn't like anything as when kids don't eat anything, that does tend to cause a bit of a fuss.

Original poster
ChickensandCows · 11/05/2022 23:38

Thank you, we have come to that agreement as she is quite a grown up little girl and we had a good chat. If its not general policy then I'll feel confident to nicely ask for that part not to happen in future.

To add context they are given X amount of time to eat then X amount of time to play during the lunch time (I'm not sure the exact lengths of time etc) if they don't eat then for a few children they are not allowed to go and play and are taken to the classroom with their now cold meal to eat. I understand this might be needed for some children who have long term food issues or regularly refuse to eat but my daughter has never done this and has eaten school dinners everyday since she started last September without issue, I feel this could cause a bigger issue than it will solve so hopefully our solution will stop any further problems.

OP posts:
AmyandPhilipfan · 11/05/2022 23:48

Some schools really crack down on dinners being eaten but I think that’s because some parents get really worried if their child goes the odd day without eating their lunch.

When I was a child you used to have to time getting up from the table if you hadn’t eaten much because it was best to wait until you could see someone else having their tray/lunch box inspected to see if they’d eaten enough - because that meant if you were quick you could get up and put your uneaten food in the bin and the tray on the rack before the dinner lady saw you hadn’t eaten much! Once when I was about 6 i had a packed lunch and I was put on a table with some kid I didn’t know well, one of whom wasn’t looking well and who said she felt sick. I hated seeing people being sick so quite quickly put my lunchbox away and went out. But another girl at the table told on me and the dinner lady came to find me, brandishing my lunchbox to tell me I wasn’t allowed to not eat my dinner. I was mortified and refused to eat anything at school for a good few weeks. I remember my mum sending in all sorts to try and get me to eat lunch again. I did go back to normal but I’ve worked in schools and I’ve never once told a child they had to finish their dinner as personally I don’t see it’s a massive issue, unless parents have concerns about their child’s eating/weight/health in general.

In this situation I would tell the teacher you don’t mind if your child doesn’t eat much at school. You know she eats well most of the time and you don’t want her to miss play just because she doesn’t want to eat.

Original poster
ChickensandCows · 12/05/2022 09:29

AmyandPhilipfan · 11/05/2022 23:48

Some schools really crack down on dinners being eaten but I think that’s because some parents get really worried if their child goes the odd day without eating their lunch.

When I was a child you used to have to time getting up from the table if you hadn’t eaten much because it was best to wait until you could see someone else having their tray/lunch box inspected to see if they’d eaten enough - because that meant if you were quick you could get up and put your uneaten food in the bin and the tray on the rack before the dinner lady saw you hadn’t eaten much! Once when I was about 6 i had a packed lunch and I was put on a table with some kid I didn’t know well, one of whom wasn’t looking well and who said she felt sick. I hated seeing people being sick so quite quickly put my lunchbox away and went out. But another girl at the table told on me and the dinner lady came to find me, brandishing my lunchbox to tell me I wasn’t allowed to not eat my dinner. I was mortified and refused to eat anything at school for a good few weeks. I remember my mum sending in all sorts to try and get me to eat lunch again. I did go back to normal but I’ve worked in schools and I’ve never once told a child they had to finish their dinner as personally I don’t see it’s a massive issue, unless parents have concerns about their child’s eating/weight/health in general.

In this situation I would tell the teacher you don’t mind if your child doesn’t eat much at school. You know she eats well most of the time and you don’t want her to miss play just because she doesn’t want to eat.

Thank you this is effectively what I've done and all seems OK now, provided she eats her lunch today !

OP posts:
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