Don't want ex's new girlfriend around my daughter

[Thatnightmsreex]

So I'm probably being unreasonable but here it is.
me and my ex have a toddler daughter together. We're no longer together but get on really well and coparent our daughter.

hes recently started dating someone and it's getting serious. He's had other girlfriends before, but none were serious and none met our daughter.

the new gf also has a daughter but a few years older than mine if that's at all relevant.
also probably relevant, I do not like the new girlfriend. She's not an awful person but there's been a couple passive agressive comments here and there, and I get the impression she is really not happy about me and ex still being very friendly.

it's getting to the stage where he wants to introduce our daughter to the new girlfriend and I just don't want that. I have no real reason other than I don't like this woman and I don't want her in my daughters life but I also know that isn't really down to me. But my daughter is my world and I don't want this woman around her.

I’d wonder what his intentions were in terms of telling you about a somewhat private conversation him and his gf have had to be honest, what does that achieve?

I’d also wonder what he’s been telling her about you…

He should not have told you she felt threatened. That’s inappropriate and not information you need to know. That to me shows she’s right to feel threatened because she should expect to be able to discuss how she feels with him without his ex knowing about it.

This. Triangulating you a bit already. And totally needlessly, it was only ever going to stir up drama, shape your opinion of her and wind her up if she finds out he's discussed their relationship with you.

He's not being very smart or nice is he?

My first exH had a GF like this. She would actively push him to drop weekends with the kids to spend them with her, she hated my guts and would kick right off if I went in to the house when picking up or dropping the kids off to speak to FIL. One time we went for a drink to iron out a few issues with the divorce and she went into orbit. She was the only one I didnt want to meet the kids, thankfully she was so mad that he dumped her when the crazy really hit so she never did.

His next partner was lovely, he fucked it up...again, but she and I got on really well. She left him for the same reasons I did and we had a long chat about it when we saw each other by chance one day. So it really isnt about jealousy as some would have it, sometimes the new GF really hates the fact that he has a past that she isnt in.

Just remembered too, a friend has a child from his first serious relationship. He saw and paid for the child but the mum just upped and left one day. He never saw his son again despite years of searching. His wife would not allow his sons named to be mentioned as she hated that she wasnt the mother of his first child, the first grandchild etc. She still refers to him as "my husband" even though she is engaged to someone else.....crazy.

YANBU to feel that way but unfortunately you won't have a choice if that's who he's chosen.

The most important thing is his gf is kind to your dd. In time your dd may become friends with her dd. Just smile and be polite.

You may find the dynamic will changes, should you decide to get out and about and try to meet new potential partners. People want to do this to different extents. Some I know see life as essentially about being one half of a couple, others, my (late middle) age, happily exist as singletons and have a circle of friends, single and couples, and see relationships as being about the individual and friendships. I do feel, based on people I know, that if you were not to ever date, and were to live with your daughter as the centre of your world ( as you say) and enough for you, the girlfriend may think that, secretly, you and your ex still like each other. This type of scenario is what I have observed. She'd be wrong, perhaps, and thinking everybody must really want to be in a partnership, but.......

Maybe he does still like you...

I think you can deduce that she is serious about being with him.

Again, that dynamic will change if they stay together and have a child: then she would probably be less concerned about you.

You realise you're being selfish in not wanting him, but wanting him to still be there for you.

He wanted to get back together with you at some point; chances are he's either told her that, or she senses it. I feel sorry for her, caught up in the game you and your ex are playing. She is right to feel threatened.

You should let him go, and just get on with co-parenting, and he should have stayed single until he's fully over you.

You're right in all you say. I totally get you, and it's a valid feeling to have. As you know though, you can't stop then interacting.

Your ex sounds very reasonable so I would maybe speak to him about how his new girlfriend feels about your relationship. Surely he wants to be with someone who appreciates he is friendly with his child's mother? If not this is a red flag.

Aside from that it sounds like you're fortunate with the set up, where he's not hostile, and your daughter is the priority for you both.

I will have to agree with you some what I going through the same with my ex I had a good co parenting relationship with my ex we was friends and everything he got a new girlfriend and everything changed for us she want to be all about met me until it came to it and nope she not want to met me but have met are kid it make me upset because I don't know who she is and not comfortable that she is around my child. My child is a little bit. Older than her child, but she's let her child meet my ex.
So I get where you're coming from, not wanting to have your daughter meeting this person. Because my situation's the same, I feel that his new girlfriend. He's jealous of me.That's why she got upset about wanting to meet me when it was time to come meet me