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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think they should give more warning? CN: sexual assault

5 replies

bravegirltalking · 11/05/2022 21:07

My DD is late teens. Stuck on how/if I should help.

So far, every semester has included at least one class discussing rape/sexual assault without warning. The advance reading list is meant to have content warnings, and they are good at this, but these are mainly unseen materials so presented with no introduction (for eg an extract that discusses a rape, they are meant to analyse the language and how it reflects on the headspace of the victim).

DD was the victim in a pretty horrible rape & assault a few years ago. Obv all rapes are horrible- this was on the extreme end tho (involved kidnap & heavy repeated violence and sexual assaults before she escaped). She has been in therapy since it happened, and is generally doing well, she is a very brave girl. However, she’s started to experience anxiety at the thought of even going into school, or doing her coursework, which to me is clearly caused by the regular surprise discussions of rape. She says she is just stupid and blames herself, which is awful to watch.

She has been very responsible since the beginning of the academic year, when she started at this school- she approached the head of disability welfare and got a statement for her PTSD, she has talked to her head of faculty on multiple occasions who has been very understanding given her situation, but it hasn’t changed anything with the most recent example being this week. She keeps it together in class but falls apart at home and is behind on work, let alone the strain on her MH. She says she knows how important these issues are and doesn’t want to avoid or censor them but feels unable to cope with school now.

For various reasons she can’t change school. She is now wanting to drop out and get a job instead as she won’t have to keep being surprised by analysing rape scenes. AIBU & a helicopter parent to get involved on her behalf? Is the school BU to keep including unseen examples to do with rape & abuse? Or AIBU to expect them to change the way things are taught when it is DD’s issue alone?

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growinggreyer · 11/05/2022 21:13

I would be very suspicious of the teacher, tbh, if this keeps happening. Is it a male or female teacher? In either case, they could be getting off on distressing your daughter. Why do they need to focus so much on these sort of scenes? Get on the phone to the school and ask for the English syllabus and ask why in particular are these sort of scenes included in the curriculum. Other girls could also be feeling threatened, embarrassed or confused by this focus.

bravegirltalking · 11/05/2022 21:18

@growinggreyer it is more than one teacher. Preparation for university type course. Necessary as she missed some of high school due to the situation, hence unable to change school.

It is sort of relevant? I.e one of the incidents was 3/4 way through a class discussing historic attitudes to women in certain eta, she had done prep reading on feminism but was not warned there would be a text on rape. It is fairly standard to have an unseen text at the end of each lesson, so it can’t all be rehearsed, but every semester so far has included a rape-centric unseen.

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bravegirltalking · 11/05/2022 23:50

To add- the unseen examples have not ALL been about rape. Some have been about race, class, historic prayer language and language used in letters, etc. It’s the not knowing when it might appear DD is struggling with. She has told me she hasn’t even opened her emails since the last incident because even the thought of school makes her want to break down in tears Sad

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HollowTalk · 12/05/2022 00:04

Your poor daughter. That is absolutely appalling. I would get involved in this.

bravegirltalking · 12/05/2022 15:44

Thanks @HollowTalk . I got on the phone with her head of faculty who said they had lost her bloody disability statement!!! None of her teachers have received it- despite her discussing it with them on multiple occasions. I’m fuming!!

Given the stats on sexual abuse it’s highly likely at least one girl is going to have encountered this in a cohort anyway so even without a statement they should be more sensitive! Head of faculty is going to see if they can waive upcoming exams to let her focus on getting her MH back rather than drop out but I’m furious it has come to this in the first place.

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