Sorry for the long post.
I am in 40s and my childhood trauma has impacted many aspects of my life because my family is enmeshed and still dysfunctional.
dm had trauma in her own life too, so I have mixed feelings towards her - of sympathy, wanting to help as she doesn't take care of herself and also upset with her as she still gets difficult and says unkind things if I complain.
In my younger years, I was sent to live with gps a few times. They were demanding and controlling to the point of not allowing to go out with friends.
For many years, I excused my neglect and abuse (feel guilty writing this word) as I knew it was not intentional and in their heart, they meant well. But for minor things, GF thew water on me as he was hot-tempered.
I grew up feeling responsible for dm and still do. But my childhood and early adulthood years have had massive impacts on my personal life, as I wasn't allowed to develop friendships, I became people pleaser and attracted people who preferred followers to friends. It impacted my work-life despite being very good in education as I was an alien when it came to working with people. So I left jobs with anxiety when I was supposed to work closely with people.
Today I regret not having kids but as a child as I never prioritised my personal life and stayed stuck in family drama.
All these years, I pretended this is normal, and didn't tell anyone about it but today I feel anger and regret. Same time I feel guilty as dm had trauma in her own life. Has anyone been able to get over it and lead healthy life.
I liked the profile of a therapist but just found out she has reviewed her own clinic with 5 stars on google. The clinic has over 25 therapists and out of 50, 2 reviews are by clinic.
Dr Bessel (Body keeps score) advises against therapy and prefers Yoga.
What has helped you in overcoming childhood or intergenerational trauma? Is there any point or should I accept it?