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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do you know you're ready to return to work after sick leave for mental health?

23 replies

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 14:51

I've had two weeks off for anxiety. I was feeling ok, but I've had an email from my manager hoping I'm well and asking for a quick call on the last day of my sick note and I just burst into tears. I'm not sure why.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:

mbosnz · 11/05/2022 15:20

I'd say (from bitter personal experience) that that's a sign that you're very likely not ready to return to work.

Maudethecat · 11/05/2022 15:21

You're not ready. Everyone will gave different signs that they're ready - for me it is was when I started to get bored at home and miss work. Crying at a reminder of work really shows you're not ready.

I would also suggest a phased return. 2 or 3 days a week for a few weeks and then up to 4 and 5 when you're ready

HairyScaryMonster · 11/05/2022 15:22

Definitely don't sound ready. Are you on any medication?

I felt nervous but emotionally steady and clearer headed after 3 weeks off and starting some anti depressants.

Maudethecat · 11/05/2022 15:25

Just to add that it will get better and it will get easier. Don't rush it as it could set you back further. I would talk to your Doctor and ask their advice.

You're not alone in this

MisguidedSheep · 11/05/2022 15:28

You definitely don't sound ready yet if talking to your manager is making you cry. Don't worry about getting back to work. Concentrate on getting yourself stronger and more able to cope. Talk to the Drs about CBT etc (or Google to see if you can self refer - you can where I live) and learn (and practice) some coping strategies.

When you feel stronger have a conversation with your Dr .....they'll help you decide if you're ready.

Your manager is only following the sickness policy ....it's not in their best interests to have you come back and then go off again. If colleagues are pressuring you, ignore them. Focus on you and getting well.

You will start to feel stronger soon, but the journey back to full strength can be a stop/start one. Sometimes you have to push through to get stronger, other times you need to step back. You will soon learn and recognise the difference. Once you're pushing through more, then you're getting ready to go back.

nalabae · 11/05/2022 15:32

Don’t rush yourself

Original poster

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 15:38

I started sertraline 2 weeks ago but so far it's not had any effect (I know it can take a while to start working). I'm surprised at my reaction to the email from my manager

OP posts:

TaranThePigKeeper · 11/05/2022 16:11

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 15:38

I started sertraline 2 weeks ago but so far it's not had any effect (I know it can take a while to start working). I'm surprised at my reaction to the email from my manager

Too soon for your meds to be making a real difference - you’ll be up and down for a while yet.

When I wanted to return after a few weeks, my manager met me away from work for a chat. I cried a lot and she told me there was no way she would let me come back yet. I ended up off for another 6 weeks. Then a phased return.

GarlicGnocchi · 11/05/2022 16:37

The medication might make you feel a bit worse before you feel better. Keep talking to your GP they will help you decide when it's time to go back and if a phased return might help.

Original poster

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 19:19

I had an appointment with my GP earlier (before my manager emailed me), and mentioned I was still feeling anxious. They said I can put in a request to extend my sick note.

I don't know what to do. My manager's email makes me think they think I'll definitely be back next week, and I'm worried about disappointing them or being disciplined for being on extended sick leave

OP posts:

Original poster

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 20:59

Does anyone have any advice? I haven't replied to my manager yet as I don't really know what to say

OP posts:

Offredismysister · 11/05/2022 21:06

Speaking as a manager I would much rather the staff member was fully ready to return than coming back too soon. If that means staying off longer, then so be it. I’d rather have a happy staff member that felt supported to manage full duties, than one that’s anxious & upset. It’s not good for you or the team if you come back too soon, as you’ll likely go of again.

Look after yourself OP, they’ll manage.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 11/05/2022 21:08

I would say you need a good couple of months off. Time to fully detach from work and give the meds time to take effect. Your mind needs more time to recover than your body in many cases. Work will cope.

TaranThePigKeeper · 11/05/2022 21:37

They can’t discipline you for being off sick with a doctor’s note. So get that sorted out straight away. You definitely shouldn’t be going back because you’re worried about what will happen if you don’t.

If you have access from home, it might make you less anxious about all this if you can access your employee handbook, which sets out how your organisation handles sickness reporting, long term sick leave, and what their obligations are to you, and yours to them.

When you are considering returning work eventually, it might help to have an occupational health assessment, so that they are aware of what you need to help you back to work, if you feel that they are unlikely to listen to your doctor’s recommendation.

UnaOfStormhold · 11/05/2022 21:47

I'd say there's a big difference between being ready to work and being ready to go back to the situation that was making you stressed in the first place (which might never be a good idea). I've just started back at work in a new job and there are occasional wobbles but I find it interesting and I am curious to get stuck in. But I am still a very, very long way from a point where I would be able to go back to my old job without relapsing.

It sounds like you're not there - as well as taking the time you need I would think carefully about what you might want to go back to - either a different job or a version of the old one with some changes to make it bearable. Hope you manage to find your way back to enjoying work again.

TealAndTurquoise · 11/05/2022 21:48

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 20:59

Does anyone have any advice? I haven't replied to my manager yet as I don't really know what to say

Hi OP, I was in your position at the beginning of this year. I started Sertraline a couple of weeks after being off and it took a few weeks to kick in. I was originally signed off for 6 weeks but was still feeling tearful so my GP extended it for another 4 weeks.

My line manager and I kept in touch while I was off. They were extremely supportive so I felt I could be honest with them about how I was feeling and I went back to work after 10 weeks off. About 2 weeks before I went back, I could feel the medication was working as I felt more like my old self and I wasn't bursting into tears every 5 minutes. I arranged a phased return so I increased my hours from half days to full time over the first 3 weeks back.

I'm also a line manager and I would deal with this exactly how my manager did. There's no benefit to anyone in going back before you're ready so give yourself time for the Sertraline to work and get your GP to extend your sick leave.

I really hope you start feeling better soon OP. Take care.

Original poster

jhmygthj · 11/05/2022 22:38

Thank you, it's helpful to hear all of your experiences. I will message my GP in the morning and see if they can extend my sick note. I definitely don't feel ready to go back, I thought I was but my response to my manager's email has made me realise I'm not. I still feel very fragile.

OP posts:

Zemw · 11/05/2022 22:44

It's different for different people. For me, being back at work helped my anxiety. Luckily I had a massively understanding boss how allowed me to go home whenever I wanted.

Original poster

jhmygthj · 12/05/2022 23:53

I've put in a request to extend my sick leave but haven't heard anything back yet from my GP. My sick note ends tomorrow. I can't stop worrying about it, and keep crying knowing no matter what I need to message my manager to either say I'm returning to work next week or, if my GP responds and grants an extension to my sick note, to say I need to extend my sick leave.

I keep worrying about different colleagues and what they will think of me having this much time off, and the different projects they will have had to take over, and whether there was anything I didn't handover properly or anything I forgot to email before signing off. I keep worrying about all the different meetings I'll have to join on my first day back and whether people will make a big deal about it or just pretend I had never even left and carry on as normal

OP posts:

UnaOfStormhold · 15/05/2022 13:38

I think having already been signed off you can explain to your line manager that you're still unwell and just waiting for a reply from your GP, so don't go back in tomorrow, just let them know the situation.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 15/05/2022 15:59

Exactly what @UnaOfStormhold says.

Isonthecase · 15/05/2022 16:06

I'd email them asap to say you're waiting for the sick not extension but unfortunately the medication hasn't kicked in. Having been a manager in this situation the most helpful thing is knowing how long you're likely to be off as soon as possible to share the work around where required and make sure it doesn't just pile up for when you get back.

Jamie87C · 23/06/2024 12:02

I am due to return to work following 2 months sick leave for depression and anxiety
I’m not sure ready but I don’t want to cause any animosity from my boss
Last week I suddenly felt low and anxious for no obvious reason
I don’t know what to do
How do you know you’re ready?

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