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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8yr old home alone

60 replies

OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 21:08

Let's say we live in the land of utopia where the outside world poses no threat to your child, and everyone around them is trustworthy, kind and reliable..
Would you be happy to leave your 8 year old home by themselves when you went to work for the day?

What if they had a house key? And friends to play with?

Would you make sure they had something to eat maybe, or that they had a phone if they needed to contact you? Or ask if a familiar grown up could keep an eye on them?

Would you worry?

(this is not about me or my child)

OP posts:
frostedfruits · 10/05/2022 21:29

What if there was a powercut, what if they suddenly got sick, what if the house was burgled, what if they felt scared, lonely, cold?

8 is just too young to know how to deal with these things emotionally and practically.

User48751490 · 10/05/2022 21:29

Far too young.

BoDerek · 10/05/2022 21:30

No it would be so lonely for them. Please report your neighbour.

JurasicPerks · 10/05/2022 21:32

8 is several years too young for the whole day. Whatever contingencies are in place, unless it is another adult in the house for the day, it's inappropriate.

SkerryVore · 10/05/2022 21:37

Nope.

3luckystars · 10/05/2022 21:38

Absolutely no way, never.

Original poster
OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 21:44

The child also had no way of contacting parents and no food. I went in the house and helped to prepare something.
I know the parents well. Educated with good careers. In disbelief actually that they think it's acceptable.

OP posts:
SkankingWombat · 10/05/2022 21:45

For 10 mins whilst running up the road to post a letter/buy bread/drop sibling to an activity? Yes (even if not in a Utopia).
All day? No. Quite aside from how they'd cope if something went wrong or the lure of using the stove to cook lunch despite knowing it's out of bounds, I think they would feel horribly lonely and likely quite scared too for such a long stretch. My nearly-8yo likes to be independent and is confident and sensible, but would absolutely hate to be left all day.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:46

cutebutscary · 10/05/2022 21:21

Nope WAY too young. Never left mine alone until he was 15 and he's a responsible kid !

Woah

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:48

No, even if he survived I know he’d be lonely and feel shaky about having no supervision

Original poster
OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 21:50

I know it's a drip feed.. Sorry. Just don't know how much to say really. The child is also on the spectrum, mild, but not a 'sensible' kid if there even is one.
Parents didn't come home when I called to see what was going on. They could have. One of them could easily WFH. They have no office. Completely online.

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 10/05/2022 21:51

Even in your utopian world and all the outside world does pose no threat I wouldn’t. There is plenty round the house to cause harm and a seven year old would not be equipped to deal with it. Even if they are fairly independent within the house with you around you couldn’t reliably expect them to maintain that level if independence without you. My 7 year old can get herself a glass of vimto for example but If she dropped the glass she couldn’t safely clean the broken glass up. She couldn’t be expected to think like an adult to keep herself safe.

SkerryVore · 10/05/2022 21:52

OP, was the house with the child in locked? Did they have/use a key?

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 10/05/2022 21:54

Um.. Call the police?
Seriously they will be done for child endangerment.

Original poster
OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 21:54

Child had a key. I went in their house and warmed up some food in the microwave..

OP posts:
AllKnowingGerbil · 10/05/2022 21:55

No I don't think I would leave them. I'd worry.

Mine is mostly sensible but has done surprisingly irrational things when in the company of friends. I think he gets a bit giddy.

I was considered sensible. But still remember as a kid sitting on my upper floor bathroom windowsill lighting matches into the sink. Or making a potion out of talc etc in the hope it would make me sick enough to be off school. Climbing down the outside of the bannisters. Bonkers.

devildeepbluesea · 10/05/2022 21:55

I started leaving my very sensible, mature 7yo for 5 mins while I walked our ancient dog around the block during lockdown. I was really unsure about doing that and I am on the lax side of responsible.

she’s now 9 and I will leave her for a bit longer, with a phone but absolute maximum is about 45mins provided she can contact me.

even I can’t comprehend all day.

liveforsummer · 10/05/2022 21:55

No way, and we m pretty lax. I leave mine while I poppit the local shop or drive her sister to a club. Have left her sister for a good few hits since 11 though. Surprised people aren't trusting 14 year olds for more than a very short time

CPL593H · 10/05/2022 21:56

OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 21:44

The child also had no way of contacting parents and no food. I went in the house and helped to prepare something.
I know the parents well. Educated with good careers. In disbelief actually that they think it's acceptable.

I hope you put a referral in to whatever version of children's services there is in this country. And/or the police.

liveforsummer · 10/05/2022 21:59

cutebutscary · 10/05/2022 21:21

Nope WAY too young. Never left mine alone until he was 15 and he's a responsible kid !

Clearly not that responsible if you couldn't even go out and leave him briefly until he was close to the age of being able to get married or join the army 😆

Original poster
OneTwoToDo · 10/05/2022 22:07

I might raise it with the school anonymously.. It's complex. I'm sure parents would say I'm overreacting. They are well respected/regarded.
It's not the first time this child has ended up being looked after by me/us. Sometimes theres phone, but no key or vice versa. Usually its been for a few hours, but now it was a day. I feel they assumed I would just keep an eye anyways since child was playing outside with my own dc. But I was never asked if it was OK, or told I'm left with the responsibility.

OP posts:
SkerryVore · 10/05/2022 22:09

I'm just imagining myself in that situation - I probably would have made them something to eat in my house. I do realise however that they are not your responsibility, and that might not have been practical. Was the child okay with going back to the house for the afternoon?

Is the child not in school? As you know the parents well, do you think you could attempt a gentle convo with them?

SkerryVore · 10/05/2022 22:10

x-post op

LeeMucklowesCurtains · 10/05/2022 22:12

I was regularly left on my own from that age, and then over night while my parent worked from age 11/12. It was horrendous and has given me life long issues.

I have an 8 year old dd. She would be horribly lonely.

whynotwhatknot · 10/05/2022 22:15

Poor kid

would definitely report if it happens regularly