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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand this behaviour?

14 replies

DinosaursAreCool · 10/05/2022 10:35

Backstory: dog needed vets treatment (emergency and regular vets). BF paid the vets fees, I’m claiming back on insurance. I pay the insurance premiums so am sorting all the forms out.

I’ve said if he’s struggling with bills/is out of pocket I can borrow money from my parents to pay him back while I’m waiting for the insurance claim to go through. He’s refused this and said he’s fine to pay.

I’ve done all I can to get the claims sorted quickly, have sent forms from our vets out but been struggling with getting the right info from the emergency vets. I’ve phoned to ask them to send me the forms, driven down to hand in forms, had an email back with another form they’ve sent which is the wrong type of claim so trying to phone them again to get it sorted. Basically can’t do any more than I have to sort it all out.

The insurance company themselves are running slowly, I guess with COVID and having reduced capacity. It’s saying up to 4 weeks rather than the normal 10 days. Again I’ve offered to repay the money to BF before then so he’s not waiting too long, and have been refused.

He keeps bringing up the fact that he’s paid all this money, is waiting for it back, has bills he still needs to pay etc.

I’ve taken to just staying quiet when he starts saying this because I’ve offered twice, he’s seen me trying to sort the forms out so not sure what else I’m supposed to fo be doing?

It’s starting to feel like it’s something he’s holding over me and I can’t understand why? We live together so all bills are ‘our’ bills, equal responsibility and he’s knows I’d cover extra if needed.

OP posts:
ZenKaleidoscope · 10/05/2022 10:49

He is either using it to feel in control or put you down or he's just complaining/venting.

Does he normally try to put you down?

Would you say you're a fixer? I ask because I can see you are sorting the practical things but feel uncomfortable with his reactions. You can't fix people's reactions/emotions.

marmiteandminticecream · 10/05/2022 10:52

i'd borrow the money from my parents give it to him and tell him you don't want to hear anymore about it

AssCants · 10/05/2022 10:54

Off topic slightly but I'd recommend looking Loved By Many when you're up for renewal.

We get our money back within 30 minutes. They are brilliant!

AssCants · 10/05/2022 10:55

They've changed their name to ManyPets 😬

Wouldyabeguilty · 10/05/2022 10:57

I can understand him getting fed up, It is probably a lot of money and he thought it would be sorted out before now, His own bills need to be paid too. I would borrow from your parents and pay him back. It sounds like there wa sa mix up with forms etc and even now it is going to take another 4 weeks for them to pay up. Too long to expect him to wait if he owes money out.

Unanananana · 10/05/2022 11:00

Borrow the money from your parents, give it to him and tell him to shut up about it.

Job done. Why the angst?

PleasantFucker · 10/05/2022 11:03

He chose to lend you the money to pay the bill, you've offered to repay it early by getting a loan from your parents, he's refused. He can't then keep bringing it up to guilt trip, power trip, or use it as a stick to beat you with.
I'd get the money & toss it back to him and don't accept any more favours from him.

Anotherusernamethisweek · 10/05/2022 11:03

Wait - you live together and you have a dog. Is it his dog too? He needs to suck it up in my opinion and stop complaining.

AledsiPad · 10/05/2022 11:07

Oh god. Borrow the money from parents, give it to him then ditch him!

I couldn't be with somebody like this, there are red flags all over it. If you hadn't offered (twice!) to pay him back I'd have sympathy with him complaining, but you have!

Urgh.

Madickenxx · 10/05/2022 11:16

Is he frustrated at you or the situation? If he is venting about the process taking longer and it's not aimed at you (even though you may feel like it is), then that's a bit more understandable. If he is complaining at you about you not paying him back, then I'd give him short shrift. Just let him know that him complaining at you makes you feel like crap and given the delays are 100% outside of your control, his moaning serves no good purpose.

SeasonFinale · 10/05/2022 12:06

Another one who says borrow from your parents as long as they know there are delays with regard to insurance claims and tell him to shut up.

BaaMoon · 10/05/2022 12:33

Ask him why he keeps banging on about it when you've offered to borrow off your parents and he's declined.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 10/05/2022 12:58

Does your bf live with you? Is it just your dog or his too? PPs are talking about him lending you money but if it's his dog too, he just covered a joint bill. You can't do anything to hurry the insurance so I'd pass that job on to him to sort out if he keeps banging on about it.

If it is just your dog and he effectively lent you the money, you should borrow from your parents so he can stop moaning

ancientgran · 10/05/2022 13:04

Unanananana · 10/05/2022 11:00

Borrow the money from your parents, give it to him and tell him to shut up about it.

Job done. Why the angst?

Or maybe borrow the money from your parents, give it to him and thank him for his help.

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