To not want a cleaner

[123cupcake4]

Ok so maybe I am being unreasonable and I think my childhood has effected my thinking.

I grew up with a mum who has M.e. She didn't do anything unless it suited her. She wouldnt get her medication sorted as she liked being up all nigth alone and sleeping all day. I was a child carer. She had 2 children 8 years and 14 years younger than me and married 3 times in total. We had her friend do the cleaning and I would do most child care and suffered a lot of emotional and mental abuse from her latest husband. She wouldn't even take us to school. Someone else was always roped into it. I would understand if she tried and had good days but it got to the point that she felt very entitled that she didn't have to do anything.

Anyway, its got to the point where I literally can't accept help from anyone. I am constantly doing things for other people. I help my SIL with most life admin as she is not an English speaker and is divorced with 4 kids. Her ex dh just disappeared. I work from home for my dhs business. And he works on site and works very long hours. We also have 4 kids aged 9 to 3

Dh has decided we need a cleaner. My house isn't spotless. I am sometimes behind on house work but it's OK. The washing is done, clothes are washed. I cook. I jave already agreed to outsourcing ironing abd that was a lot for me!

He has found a very nice lady to come and 'help me with organising the house and keeping on top of it and ironing. But I feel like a failure and I know he is trying to help because we are both so busy abd he's trying to take the pressure off. But my home is my sanctuary. I work here, live here, relax here. I don't want someone going through our things.

He doesn't get it. He's a boss so used to deligating but I feel like I have failed and am lazy and I really can't ask someone for help.

I know aibu. I can't do it all. And he has high standards but doesn't have time to keep on top of it and this is a reasonable solution.

But then with 4 kids it never stays tidy for long anyway! So Wednesday and Thursday she will come. Which means I have to panic tidy before she comes and I just don't want to.

Not sure what to do really!

My lovely plastic brain. 🤣 It's never been called lovely before. Possibly plastic though 🤣

Still think it was a long time! Paying by the hour. But she did do a deep clean! So maybe it won't take as long next time!

5.5 hours seems a very long time to me, for that amount of cleaning unless it was absolutely filthy?! I suppose you’ll have to see whether she’s quick enough next time.

I’d give it a go you know, and I completely understand where you’re coming from your childhood. But with a bit of time, you might actually find having a cleaner really liberating. And I’ve found the fact the cleaner is coming means I can legitimately ask other members of the household to get their arses into gear and help tidy up - and they do!

@SagaNorenLansrimMalmo no it was just dirty after a week. I tidied it and cleared the bins etc before she came. She did thoroughly clean the shower cubicle though. But that shouldn't of taken too long. We aren't filthy 🙈 she isn't a professional cleaner. She's my husbands staff members wife. She needed a job and she has started for a few other families too.

But she did a good job. Its just we are paying by the hour. On the rare occasion I am left alone I can do the whole house to a good standard in that time. But any way. Its done now. And I can relax until next Thursday and will keep it clean in between and we see for next week!

Give it 6 months OP.
You could create a list on the fridge and add cleaning things to it when you think of them but don’t have time to do them. This could become your cleaner’s list of jobs to do.
Or just have a standard set of things you ask her to do each time - hoovering, clean bathroom and kitchen surfaces and floors and then add extras if you need or want them - eg cleaning the insides of the windows, dusting on top of high furniture or whatever.
You can probably either ask her to do a set list of things and pay her hourly rate for however long it takes, or agree a time frame (say 4 hours) and she gets through whatever she can on the list during that time.
Not all cleaners are willing to tidy because it can cause issues with clients not being able to find their things and getting annoyed/suspecting the cleaner of taking things. But if she is willing to do some of this make it simple and easy for you both eg. A big toy box in the kids’ rooms where whatever they’ve left on the floor just gets shoved in so she can hoover. If the kids can’t find something later you tell them it’s in the box. If they complain about the system you tell them to tidy their toys before your cleaner comes.

that does seem very slow @123cupcake4 then, but maybe she will get quicker! Seems a bit unfair for you to have a cleaner foisted in you, and then she’s expensive because she’s slow…

Cleaners usually take longer than normal the first time they come, once they are used to a place it shouldn’t take so long. Plus this lady isn’t a professional cleaner so I’m sure she will get quicker as she gets used to the job. Does she bring her own cleaning stuff? That’s quite unusual - you can tell her to use your own preferred products and to lay off the bleach.

Also can you agree a fixed rate for her to clean the house rather than by the hour? That might motivate her to go a bit faster.

So she used our cleaning stuff. I gave her some bleach for the bucket and mop for the floors. And just some normal cleaning spray and cif. Nothing put of the ordinary but she really went to town with the stuff 🤣

But at least I can smell its clean 🤣 yes I'm going to ask for 3 things each visit and just if she can do it in her time. If not then no problem.

I probably sound very ungrateful and complaining!