To have lied about why I was breathless

[wanttoread]

I'm on medication and see a counsellor for depression and anxiety. I think I am getting better but I'm not completely there yet.

I have recently started a new job. It's not necessarily what I want to do long term but it's a job I can manage at the moment. Today I was running late because I couldn't find a parking space. When I did, I went inside the building and was feeling a bit panicky because I was worried I'd be late and I was afraid of getting into trouble. I had to go and see my manager about a work issue as soon as I got there, and her office is upstairs.

When I got to the office I explained the issue and she asked me for more information. As I was replying to her I could hear my voice getting raspy, to the point that another colleague turned around in his seat to look at me. I was struggling to catch a breath but tried to carry on talking. I then said "sorry, I'm out of breath after coming up the stairs" because I was embarrassed that my breathlessness was so obvious that my colleague was concerned enough to turn round.

I'm not super fit but I'm not so unfit that a couple of flights of stairs would make me that breathless! I was just feeling pretty anxious that I would get into trouble for being late and that they'd think I wasn't capable and that if they knew I sometimes get panicky they'd think I wasn't the right person for the job.

It's only now that I'm home that I'm sad I felt I had to make an excuse. I wish I could have told the truth. It makes me feel lonely that I had to lie because I'm scared of what people will think of me if I admit I'm struggling with anxiety at the minute. Having to try to hide it almost makes me feel more anxious, but I know I couldn't tell anyone there.

I can understand why you are thinking like this, but honestly, none of your colleagues will even remember this happened. I think you made a good call to keep your personal health to yourself for now tbh. I hope the job works out well for you.

Oh sweetheart. How awful for you to feel like that. Honestly, your coworker probably turned around to check that you were okay if your voice had changed / you sounded breathless! When you're more settled into your job I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable to talk about things like that but for now, let them think that you get breathless up the stairs!! Wishing you so much luck x

Yeah I would let it go. Try practicing some Mindfulness and relaxation techniques so help deal with your anxiety.

Sounds like you had a heart rate spike due to anxiety which caused your voice to shake. If this is a regular thing when you are anxious see your Dr for a Sam propanol prescription. It’s really helpful - helped me no end with public speaking

No Sam!, just propanol

do not even think of telling them you suffer from anxiety and get panicky.
that would risk your 6 month probation period. also they can get rid of you in the first 2 years with no particular reason, just not a good fit for the role.
think logically. you just need to do more preparation and planning.
you obviously need to leave much earlier and not be in a rush when arriving.
is there a lift. whether or not, think ahead. if feeling like that again, just say sorry i need to get some water.
good luck with the job.