Am I strange or is this normal?

[PBJTime]

Just wanted to know if I was the only one whose like this.

I hate socialising - I hate making plans as I then fear and dread the day/time before it happens worrying about it like it consumes my life. It makes me quite grumpy.

However 9 times out of 10 I actually feel better for it and the grumpiness magically vanishes.

I want to jump back into my own cosy bed afterwards and feel mentally drained but I've had a good laugh and really genuinely enjoyed myself at that moment.
But then I find myself dreading the next meeting with friends I have planned for.
I've always been like this even at school and through university.
How do I get out of this pattern as I do tend to cancel plans as the dread really gets to me but I want to be more social as it makes me happier as a person.

It’s perfectly normal, you’re just an introvert. Google the actual definition.

Social anxiety is usually based in “fear of rejection”…did you experience this when you were younger? peer bullying? Or parental neglect?

I’m the same. I have been like this since I went to college and have become worse as I get older (I’m in my 50s).

If I agree to meet up I dread the time til the meetup day and usually cancel about 50% of the time. Oddly I usually enjoy myself once I’m out but like you I can’t wait to get home and into my bed. And I don’t have a need to socialize again for weeks and sometimes months later.

socializing drains me and sometimes I need a day to recover. It’s definitely one of the main signs of being an introvert.

OP what you have described is the basis of CBT for anxiety and depression so, yes, it is very normal!

@litlealligator thanks for this tip, I am going to try this!

But in terms of breaking the cycle - get some good quality therapy

I was bullied for years through school every day. I even set the fire alarm off once to get out of the class and away from the bullies and the school dismissed it and made excuses for the bullies. Until my last two years of senior school when I finally made friends.
I think that really stunted my social skills.
I mean I am a introvert too but 8 years of non stop bullying can really effect people.

I think if 9 times out of ten you end up enjoying it then you should keep at it and keep in practice, because the more used to it you are, the more you can relax. I used to look for a friendly face, or perhaps someone else who might not be in a conversational group, and start chatting, even if it's just to ask how they know the host, it's always a good opener. However, If I know the people I am meeting up with are friendly I don't experience any social anxiety, just enjoy the pleasure of their company.

But, I have been to events where people have been deliberately bitchy right to my face. It's like they get a real kick out of lording it over you.
I don't think I warrant these remarks particularly. I am nervous in advance, but I make an effort and I always try to be polite, but it can be confidence-crushing.

I decided a few years back that if people don't treat me well, I'm not going to put up it ever again, and I'm certainly not going to seek them out for more of the same. Whilst it's curtailed social things, which in many ways I regret, it's also been a massive relief, quite liberating in fact.

So on the 10th time, where it's not working, there's no harm in just leaving as the evening isn't suiting you.

Just one thing that could help. Obviously it's best not to do this in general and again not great with close friends, but occasionally you could accept an invitation saying that you might have to leave early , pick a time that you would feel comfortable with, and then invent a reason that, if necessary you could excuse yourself with, but make it so you can also say that it's sorted now and you can stay longer.
I know it sounds silly, but sometimes being able to control the situation to an extent can reduce the anxiety you feel beforehand. Sometimes I find that I can only push myself so far, so handing over complete control is too much, but limited control means that I don't back out as readerly.

Also, OP have you considered you could be autistic? Loads of women getting diagnosed in their 30/40s now. Who have struggled with social anxiety for years, were bullied etc. Doesn't necessarily change anything but many people find understanding themselves better and knowing they're not the only one helps a lot

There always has to be a name assigned

social anxiety
Introvert

why can’t it just be that you not 21 anymore, presumably lots of responsibilities, work, children, bills plus you love your bed and home.

no “reason”, you have just changed in terms of how you enjoy the limited free time you have

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
There is nothing wrong with saying you can't meet up with people.

However, being flakey isn't fair to the people you are flaking out on. There are so many threads on MN from posters who have been let down yet again by a flakey friend.

Re the bullying. I get so angry when schools always seem to take the bully's side and never seem to support the victim. People really underestimate the long term consequences of bullying.

I'm the same OP. I was also bullied at school and have suffered a lot of rejection in my life. My teachers always told me it was because I never stood up for myself, so I always felt it was my fault I was bullied. I missed out on socialising in my teens and 20s. Still hate it now and I am nearly 50.

I'm exactly the same OP, or rather was. I have descended into barely going out at all mode since the lockdowns and subsequently barely have any friends left.