To wonder if this is PND?

[SadNewMummy]

Hi, posting here for traffic really as I'm really struggling right now.

My daughter is 8 weeks old and I so wanted to be a mum for a long time. I was the happiest I'd been in a long time through my pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet my baby girl!

My sister was also pregnant at the same time as me, 12 weeks behind. Sadly in February she had to have TFMR which devastated her as well as the entire family and I did struggle with it, not only grieving for my niece and the worry for my sister but also I developed quite a lot of anxiety about my own baby and her health.

The labour was ok although we ended up with forceps when she ended up in distress right at the end. I ended up with a catheter for nearly 2 weeks post birth as whenever they removed it I couldn't pee properly so that had a detrimental effect on my immediate post natal mental health. I'm still under the gynaecology team for problems with both bladder and my bowels so that's not been great.

I also massively struggled to establish breast feeding; something I'm still struggling with now and feeling guilt about (finally completely gave up breast feeding in the last week but have been combi feeding until then). I always thought I'd be a breast feeding mum and I feel guilty that I'm feeding her formula.

All of this coupled with the fact my baby just doesn't seem like a happy baby at all. She's either asleep or awake and crying. We have very little time when she is awake and happy or smiling (although she does smile, it's just rare!) feeding is a battle, getting her down to sleep is a battle and I feel like I'm constantly being yelled at.

It feels like my sister is avoiding us (understandably) but that hurts as well. My baby is just making me feel miserable in all honesty and sometimes, I know this is awful but I just feel like I've made a mistake I feel that down. I don't feel that rush of love everyone goes on about. I do my absolute best for my baby, I try my best to make sure she's happy and settled and meet her needs but it just feels like I'm fulfilling an obligation right now. I look at her and think she's extremely cute but I could be looking at someone else's baby.

Is any of this normal? I know some women do say they didn't feel the intense bond immediately and perhaps with everything that I went through at the end of pregnancy and post Natally it will take time? Or is it likely to be PND? I've spoken to my partner about it and he wants me to talk to our GP.

Thanks if you made it this far I know it's long!

hello op
im a new mum too! 16 weeks in. I also struggled massively with breastfeeding- hell!
congrats on your baby girl ❤️ So sorry to hear the situ with your sister- the only words I can offer in this are to remember time will help heal and time does pass so in your shoes I would be very gentle with my sister but do my best to cocoon myself with my gorgeous baby and enjoy the newborn phase. I am a little further down the line than you and even now I look back to 10 weeks and miss those newborn days!!! It will pass quicker than you think. I also bf a bit and struggled - you managed enough don’t beat yourself up over it. If you think you might have PND deffo see your GP - I also think your hormones are running riot; I know mine still are! That alone has a massive affect on my mood. You’ve had a lot on your plate with just being pregnant plus the other parts of your life - all stressful, I don’t think your response is irrational. I feel like you a bit some days wonder if I’ve really f*** up my life as it’s changed so much with baby boy now from what it was. I find it helps me to think beck to when we were ttc and he was all I wanted! And look back at photos of those first few days- reminds me how far we have come together through the hard moments! DM me if you like, would be nice to chat to another new mum! Love to you & your little girl 🌸Xxxx

Congratulations on your baby girl and becoming a mama ❤️

First of all you sound like you’re doing amazing, you seem to have been through the ringer really. It must have been really hard seeing that happen to your sister and understandably would make you feel very anxious, I don’t think you’d be normal if you didn’t feel like that.

A forceps delivery is no joke, and the bladder problems you have had since certainly will have made your recovery more difficult than the norm, both physically and emotionally.

Breastfeeding is incredibly hard, for some reason we all think it should be easy and natural but actually it’s a learned skill, and a lot of the time we blame ourselves for it not working when in reality to make breastfeeding work the baby also needs to play ball, and sometimes they just don’t and it’s beyond our control. It’s normal to feel guilty for not, but all the time you did is amazing. Switching to formula is not a failure. Your baby is fed and that’s what matters, and I know you will probably eye roll at that right now because the end of the bf journey is still raw, but that feeling gets easier and eventually goes away I promise (I’ve been you ❤️)

With all that to consider, it’s difficult to say you have PND, or possibly you have been struggling through which sounds like a very difficult pregnancy, delivery and postnatal recovery. It’s possible you might be completely worn and burnt out, rather than depressed. Even with your baby crying a lot which is so so frustrating, they will think you are an absolute pro at motherhood and the best thing ever in their little life ❤️

Everyday make yourself small goals, even if that is just getting yourself and baby dressed, if you complete that then you’ve done everything you need to that day.

Sorry this is such a ramble, but it’s just I felt exactly as you did, my baby is now 14 weeks old and I can honestly say this cloud has lifted. I feel more bonded with her than I did before because I struggled with that as you have, and everything is easier. But at 8 weeks I was crying everyday and was so overwhelmed! You take your physical and emotional recovery as slow as you need, look after yourself x