Worst interview ever...I need to leave the country, don't I?

[minou123]

Just had an interview it was, without fail, the worst, most embarrassing thing I've ever done.

One minute I was rambling, next minute I couldn't speak.
I was over enthused about the greatness of 'action plans'. To my shame, i even said I have action plans to clean my house 🙄

I cant remember the rest, I think my brain is trying to protect me from the shame I have brought upon myself.

I need to leave the country, don't I? The thought of ever bumping into the interview panel is filling me with fear.
Albu?

When asked if I had any questions, I said "No, I'm just going to go find a corner and cry"

I shouldn’t be weeping with laughter but I am.

cheer up OP. At least, when asked about your potential commute you didn’t announce proudly to the handsome interviewer that your nearest pube was only a few minutes away

I used to get really nervous for interviews. So much so that I went to see someone about it and they told me about doing the slow breathing thing to calm myself down before I started (you know deep breaths in, long slow breaths out). I went to an interview and it was really hot inside with no air con and no windows to open and it was freezing outside so I had worn a wool suit. I could feel it getting hotter and me getting nervous so I did the slow breathing thing to calm myself down. They left me in a room on my own while they got the panel together to come in with me doing slow, calming breathing.

next thing i knew someone tapped me on my shoulder and asked me to go. I had fallen asleep and not even woken up when they came in! they called security and he came and woke me up and asked me to leave. 😳

needless to say I didn't get the job!

I once went for a job interview in my early 20s and, while my CV may have looked appealing, I actually knew none of the answers to the questions asked at me at the interview - fortunately I can't even remember the role now, something in a hospital trust I think. I was woefully Ill prepared and they could've been talking a different language in terms of business speak etc. I also once went for a job in a sewing factory (thought it would be just like the knicker factory in Corrie! And they finished early on a fri) I had to sit a sewing machine test prior to interview..........They said it wasn't worth proceeding to interview stage as I had clearly failed to demonstrate my sewing machine skills (never used one in my life!)!
I can laugh about it all now but I was young and desperate for a job, any job clearly!
Honestly OP if you get it then great, if you don't it's a funny story to tell years down the line.

and yes, everything you type about the interview sounds like normal management speak !! you were obviously channelling your inner David Brent

I once completely fucked up a job interview I was already stepping up into the role of. Went for another interview 6 weeks later which was a significantly higher level and walked the interview.

I have no idea what possessed me on the first one, it was truly horrendous.

Ah OP, how much do you like your middle name? Could it be time to promote it to your new name?! Sympathies, hope you’re feeling better.

I once interviewed a guy who got stuck on the word analyse. Every question he responded with “I would analyse…”. I probed. I asked closed questions, I asked open questions. I re-worded questions. I invented fake scenarios in case he was finding the questions too abstract. This was an ops manager role, the same role he’d been doing for 17 years prior, not a promotion. When I asked him what he’d analyse, he told me “the analysis”.

Is there a vacancy where you work?

I once interviewed someone who, when we asked him how he'd deal with a difficult situation said "I'd probably take them out the back and leather them"

He didn't get the job

Yes! That's exactly who exactly who I was. Or the US version Michael Scott

Nothing for it OP. Name change, emigrate and never return.

If its any consolation, I once completed an interview with my dress tucked into my arse.

I once felt like this about am interview I had - I actually got the job. Another job I literally gave up trying half way through the interview and I also got that job. Have some faith, I'm sure it went better than expected. And I think giving an action plan for the running of a house is fantastic evidence of abilities

Oh dear 😆 quite funny though

This has really cheered me up reflecting on my recent interviews!

My own favourites from the past:

Got down to last 10 graduates for a prestigious marketing scheme - It was an overnight assessment centre and gave us access to unlimited drinks if we wanted them. This Irish guy and me drunk the place dry, in full view of two sober chaperones from said company!

When for a graduate PR job - 'What is PR?' 'I don't know!' All knowledge had been gleaned from Ab Fab episodes!

Shudder!

I went for an interview early on in my teaching career at a small private girls' school which was much less academically selective than the school I was then teaching at.

During the interview I was keen to show my awareness of the school's pupil body, and spoke at length about my approach to differentiation, strategies for helping less able pupils access a subject which is often perceived as difficult, and learners who might need support in achieving their potential because of learning needs such as dyslexia.

Except that's not what I said. What I actually talked about was how I would teach 'stupid children'. I sort of realised as I was talking that things weren't coming out right, but I just kept saying it. I was mortified afterwards when I realised - and no, I did not get the job.

Oh my God. I have had so many of these. I still blush now thinking about it. At one particularly bad one I said something about how I disliked being micor managed and preferred no involvement from my manager as I knew what I was doing. I said this to the hiring manager!! I have no idea what my brain was doing!!
I also interviewed someone once for a role working with different people across our different geographies. The guy was talking about his international experience "managing people from different cultures". Basically he kept saying all the nationalities he'd worked with and what he found wrong with them. He then got to the country where I am from and proceeded a long monologue about how dreadful we are. I asked him if he'd seen my name on the zoom screen (it is a name v clearly from my country). Had he not been so awful I'd almost feel sorry for him.

You did fine. I once left an interview by using the wrong door, walking into a broom cupboard, closing the door behind me and then struggling to get out of it again because there was no light to see by. Don't worry. We've all done this kind of thing. Hopefully.

Enjoy your G&T, @minou123 . At my terrible interview my tongue felt like it it was three times it's usual size, my mouth was so dry I could hear my tongue smacking against the roof of my mouth, and I had to keep dabbing at my dripping nose with a tissue, which I explained by saying 'sorry, my nose leaks when I'm nervous' 😂

learn from it

have an action plan for next time

its great to have practice interviews

who knows you may get the job

I once had a terrible interview OP. It was for an IT trainer job (a long time ago when I was struggling to find work) and I had prepared my slides and everything but I'm not really an IT geek and am a bit formal and academic and the interview panel absolutely tore me to shreds. They were absolutely horrible to me. They went over and over again about how I had read from the slides, how I shouldn't have applied for the job, why I wasn't good enough in specific detail, etc and I was only about 24 at the time and I wished the ground would swallow me up. I wasn't that bad but OMG, if I hadn't been so young, I would have just said "thank you for seeing me" and walked out instead of standing there taking it for 15 minutes.

and ask for honest feedback

I still wake up in a cold sweat remembering the very first job interview I ever went for. We'd had no training for this at school, so I had no idea what was expected.
The job was Administrative Assistant at an airline. I had no idea what the job entailed. The interviewer asked me what preparation I'd done for the interview and I replied, quite confidently: "Well, I did my hair."

Once went for an audio typing job ( many, many years ago ). Had to do a test. Could hardly type let alone audio type 🤪

I had one of these, couldn't believe it, I'd always been fab in prior interviews. I spent the weekend after bursting out "oh my god!" and lots of worse things, and hitting cushions. That was 11 years ago-I'm still mortified, but I'm also still doing the job 😁

Oh, you poor thing!
I'd hire you on comedy value alone