About DC sleep on holiday

[Firstworldproblems1]

We decided to go away next month with preschooler and 7m old DDs. My dad said his holiday home was available and we could have it (very lucky, I know).

Since then they decided that they'd stay there with us some of the time. At first they said just over the weekend, now saying they'd come up even earlier so they can see more of us.

I'm actually happy to spend time with them in the day but am very stressed about the sleeping situation. It is a caravan type place (with 3 bedrooms) so it would mean that DH would have to share with DD1, and I share with baby. Baby DD also usually goes to sleep at 7pm, if it was just us we'd keep quiet but can't ask my dad and his wife to stay quiet in their own home. My dad and his wife also get up multiple times in the night which is bound to wake the DC too.

I'm tired after 7 months of broken sleep and the only way we get OK sleep is with a good routine and children in their own room. The idea of a holiday with even less sleep than at home is making me want to cry.

I said we could rent a caravan in the same park while they are here so we're not on top of each other and they got so offended. They don't get it at all, I think because 'in their day' kids just slept wherever.

Am I just being overly stressed about DC sleep? Would most people think it doesn't matter for a few nights? I am quite anxious and routine obsessed, so trying to gauge how far out of the norm I am before we make a decision.

Barely slept last night wondering what to do, so probably not a healthy level of anxiety!

My kids are not easy sleepers and I would be the same as you about this.

Is it like a lodge/static caravan ?

Would white noise cover up the other noises?

Completely understand and would be worrying too.
People don't understand when they aren't going through the sleepless night stage or if they didn't have issues with bad sleepers.
Only you know what to do for the best, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what you need for your child.
I would totally be tempted to get my own caravan rather than sharing; you can't control other peoples noise levels etc and it's stressful worrying and asking them to be quiet. Also there's nothing worse than sharing a bedroom with a baby when they are used to their own room.

Yes it's a lodge type thing, quite a nice spacious one but you'd still hear noise wherever you are I should think.

I think white noise could help for getting DD to sleep at 7pm though I've never tried it with her.

They aren't bad sleepers to be fair but I think it's because I prioritise having a good routine, and it's taken a while to get there (and mostly helped by DD now being in her own room). And even if they just wake up once or twice each it's tiring, let alone if they get disturbed and wake more/can't get to sleep when they usually do and get overtired.

@ilovemyboys3 yes that's exactly it. I actually feel so understood reading your message so thank you!

They really weren't listening and kept saying they don't mind if they get woken up by crying and DC don't sleep well. Well of course you don't mind as you can then get a good night sleep whenever you want, but I do!

In reality it would probably work out OK, but I'll be constantly worrying about noise levels, how the night will go etc. Its just not a holiday. Not being able to follow your own schedule with two small DCs is so tough.

I just wish they listened when I explained and didnt think it was because we don't want to spend time with them. I really, really don't want to upset them :(

If they get up multiple times in the night too I think you are going to have to bite the bullet and say quite firmly but kindly it just isn't going to work . We went away with my in laws a few years and stayed in a lodge , my fil gets up at 5am every day without fail that was waking us up obviously. That then woke our ds4 up , it really was far from ideal.

My fil and his wife recently stayed over. They went to the toilet about 300 times in the night, using the doors and flushing each time. Right after I would settle the baby. I wouldn't do it, if you can afford your own one do that and just suck up the risk of offending them. They will appreciate the sleep and space too I'm sure.

Going on holiday with the kids is always - well - less of a holiday! They never sleep as well and sometimes you just feel like you're surviving, rather than enjoying yourself. Not to mention it's tiring if other people are in your space, interrupting the normal routine.

On the plus side, it's a change of scene and sometimes it's nice to have others around. If they are helpful gps it can give you a good break from child wrangling during the day, and you get a break from housework and possibly cooking?

@pumpkinpie01 exactly, if they wake up earlier, baby DD will need more naps but she is a crap napper so will just get overtired. She also only naps properly in a cot and in a dark quiet room, which won't happen when they're cooking lunch in the next room.

@Perfect28 yep that's my dad, needs a wee every hour or so! Must have been awful, you must have been so relieved when they left.

Thinking about it, they'll be far less offended if I explain beforehand and stay somewhere else than when I struggle to hide my frustration at them for being loud/waking the DC at night etc.

I just have to hope there is a caravan available to rent that week or we'll have to rethink the whole thing. Urgh!

Are you taking a travel cot? When we used a 3 bed caravan we took a screwdriver!! Few screws under the single beds. Take the base off and put the cot in the space. Give the dc the bedroom at one end and your ils the other end room. You and dh can share the middle room and will hear the dc during the night..

I have a newish baby so fairly sleep obsessed, but I would just be polite but unmovable on the separate caravan.

Protecting the DCs nighttime routine should be a good enough reason but you need a holiday too!

Perhaps they've forgotten how stressful the baby years are.

@catsnore yes it's never fully relaxing even with our own space so I'm wary of making it even more difficult for ourselves! We'd definitely get a break from cooking though, so that's something! They are lovely but my dad is useless with children and breastfed baby doesn't leave my side much.

As long as I get decent sleep I'm fine dealing with the children all day, they are pretty easy going. I just need the sleep! I got bouts of insomnia from sleep deprivation-induced anxiety in the past so it's definitely a touchy subject.

We had a similar scenario with in laws we ended up in a separate lodge as it just wouldn't have worked. I think you need to be honest and say with the childrens sleep it means being quiet from 7pm and you would not expect them to tie toe around all night so you will rent separately as you don't want to spoil their break or disrupt the kids routines.

Hopefully when you explain the situation in full they will realise it's just not practical and maybe they won't come . Could you visit them on the way there or back as a compromise if that works logistically ? My son was a good sleeper when we went with fil but everyone being woken up at 5 was not good I can't imagine it if I had been woken up only a few hours before as well.

@Summerholidayorcovidagain that's interesting I thought the DC sharing would be the worst set up for them waking each other up but maybe not, as eldest DD often wakes because she doesn't want to be alone, so that would help. But we'd need to hope baby DD doesn't cry too much. Something to think about!

@Calphurnia88 thank you good to know it's not just me! They made me feel like I was so over the top and precious. My dad never helped with anything child-related when we were little so he would definitely have no idea. But his wife had 4 kids too, she must have forgotten!

@autienotnaughty perfect wording thank you! I tried to say that on the phone but they just talked over me saying it was no problem. Will drop them a well worded message today so they have to read and take notice!

@pumpkinpie01 we live at the other end of the country so only see them every few months so I totally understand they want to use the opportunity to see the grandchildren. Being there at the same time as them but staying in a separate caravan is basically ideal, so I don't know why they were just so outraged!

Could you hire somewhere you and your partner couldt go and sleep in, leave children with your in laws over night, you could be there for children's bedtime and back first thing in the morning. But will put nighttime wakings on to in laws. They'll soon learn to be quiet at night!!

Regardless of the children sleeping it's not much of a holiday if you are cheek by jowl with your in laws. They will obviously have their own way of doing things. Plus to be frank I would struggle using the toilet knowing they could hear everything (I own a modern holiday lodge and you might as well all be in the same room).
Renting a lodge on the same park is the answer, though availability is key and it will cost you! If you knew you were paying you might have gone somewhere different.
Your husband couldn't have a word with them suggesting they stick to the original couple nights?

Four adults and 2 kids in a static caravan in the UK sounds like a punishment not a holiday!

I'd cancel completely and book
Somewhere away from parents with enough space that won't be miserable when it rains!

How bizarre they “got offended” that their daughter explained she was sleep deprived and so would rent somewhere on site as would love to holiday with them but needs sleep.

awful

@Firstworldproblems1 protecting yours and your child's sleep isn't precious.

I do understand exactly how you feel though. After several visits from family and friends where DC was overstimulated (I accepted this was inevitable in the early weeks) and consequently slept terribly both day and night, I have recently set more boundaries and asked DP to support me with this e.g. time/duration of visits, respecting daytime naps, quiet time in evening if staying over.

As the person doing the majority of childcare, and therefore the most sleep deprived, I'm at a stage where I really don't care if family or friends see any of the above as precious... I am putting me and my DC first.

@doofas I love it!

@tuliplover haha yes I'm the same with the toilet situation actually! Even if they stick to 2nights I'm not keen as it's a third of the holiday and I will probably be stressed in the lead up anyway. It's my dad and his wife unfortunately, not the in laws, as I'd be so glad to leave DH to deal with this! And yes we were initially looking at somewhere different but thought we'd compromise on location as it was free. Very annoying!

@WaterBottle123 I know right!

@tomatoandherbs exactly. They're just in their own world and not understanding at all

@Calphurnia88 yes same! I'm a people pleaser and am realising that when it comes to the DC it's not doing them any favour and I need to put them first. I realised this last time we drove hundreds of miles to see family and once we were there they all expected us to drive here there and everywhere all week and didn't get why we may want to stay put for a couple of days. DC got so overtired and ratty from hours in the car every day, poor them. Never again!