Being your ‘authentic self’

[NutellaEllaElla]

I’m hearing more and more of this of late. “It’s who I am/ who he is”, often in relation to very poor behaviour. Is it just me or is this a bit of a fuck you? A statement of “I’m not willing to consider other people, I’m not going to change, you can put up and shut up”. I am all for being a more accepting society but is it creeping out into entitlement?

This

Maybe you should get a lifesize cardboard cut-out of yourself, bring that in, and leave early for the day.

Meghan and Harry pretty much ruined it for me! Those two are so very very far from authentic, and so now it is chalked up to another word for self indulgence.

I do wonder if I've missed a trick though. Maybe I should just be a twat and justify it this way.

At the end of the day, I CAN be a bit of a twat.

I think i might aspire to be more of a twat now. Fuck it, let's all be selfish, right?

I have mixed feelings about this. DS has ASD and his “authentic self” is (mostly) fucking fabulous; including the hand flapping, singing unprompted Mozart arias in public and talking non-stop about trains. I’m aware that he’ll be under pressure to reign this behaviour in and conform as he gets older, and it makes me sad.

That said, I think it’s meaning has been corrupted to excuse some unacceptable behaviour. Wasn’t it used as an excuse for that bloke who wanked in the toilet at work for the NSPCC and filmed it for the internet?

Can I be my authentic self and tell you op this is a really shit thread, with a bunch of dullards boring on about their version of being authentic...like they know anything about it

Blimey! I had no idea it was used / perceived in this way. I often talk to people about being their authentic self when they feel they have to pretend to be someone / something they’re not in order to fit in / keep someone else happy.

Your authentic self is the real you who'd you'd be if society didn't squeeze you into a box.

Nobody wants to see my authentic self, they would have to go and have a lie down.

I think of it as not wearing a mask and not having a broom stuck up your arse. Being irreverent and treating everyone as an equal.

I have that luxury because I’m self employed so I’m not in a hierarchy. In fact it’s the reason I could never work for someone else.

My personal bug bear is 'bring your true self to work'. Like can you actually imagine the shit show if we all started doing that?

I think saying "be yourself" is fine and complete
Saying "be your authentic self" has a pompous ring to it

Considering the number of times I'm told to rein it in / not be quite so outspoken, I don't think it would end well for me at work!

Ha, yeah. My “true self” would never have sat the 2 hour teams meeting I had this afternoon, where my contribution lasted 2 minutes. My “true self” would have preferred a nap.

Ironically, being your authentic self invariably means "identifying" as something you're not!

Yep usually means that the person is an insufferable self entitled twat

'Twas ever thus; in Noel Coward's song, "I've been to a maahverlous party!" come the lines "it said 'come as you are', so we came as we were, and 'twas hell!"
In my experience, people who "tell it like it is" can be utterly taken aback when repaid in the same coin.

What if your 'authentic' or 'whole' self includes a part of you that drinks, swears, farts etc?

I think it’s been hijacked into a lot of movements and taken on a lot of fluff in the doing so. In the professional environments I’ve worked in it’s always been understood to mean a corporate policy which supports employees not having to hide their religious beliefs, sexuality, identity, social background etc in the workplace for fear that they will be judged or deemed not to fit in with the traditional culture of the industry - particularly the case in professions which haven’t always been very welcoming of diversity or difference like law and financial services.

Everyone iv met who waffles on about their authentic self has been a loud, self-obsessed, navel gazing, pain in the rear. It seems to mean thinking only of your own happiness, bringing aspects of your personal life into work that should probably be kept private like your kinks, thinking the rules don't apply to you, and behaving however you want, saying whatever you want regardless of circumstances and impact on others.

That’s completely untrue. It means not having to change yourself to fit a box, if you’re an introvert not being ashamed of that and trying to change. If you’re autistic and need to stim, doing that without feeling like you need to hide it, not having to pretend you’re posh to fit in with a crowd. It’s far more than being one of those ‘take me as you find me’ people, telling people their meeting is boring or farting when you want to it’s a really useful term for learning to recognise your own value as you are rather than feel that you need to pretend to be someone else. It’s incredibly helpful in personal development / education / therapy.

Perhaps it’s been hijacked by people who already have no issue with being confident in themselves by the sounds of things.

I agree with PPs that this is a glib phrase. No-one, and especially my friends, would really want to experience my 'authentic self', whatever they might think to the contrary! Just do an experiment and note for an hour/day how often you are tactful and diplomatic or modify your behaviour for the sake of others...and really, that's the issue.

Animals (and I'm the biggest animal lover ever) are their authentic selves most of the time - except, I suppose, dogs would be roaming and hunting in packs if they were being their authentic selves - and that's fine. But it wouldn't work in a highly developed, overcrowded human context.

One thing I've noticed though: those people who say things like 'I tell it how it is', or 'I speak as I find' can dish it out but not always take it.

It is used mainly by those who want others in a box whilst also putting themselves in a box that isn't a box to allow them to be their authentic self.