He doesn't want kids.

[TypicallyTopically]

Hello.
I'm stuck. I'm in a 6 month relationship. We're both mid 30s. I have a 4 year old child. My partner has said he probably doesn't want kids. I'm torn. A part of me always wanted another one. The relationship is the best I've had although it's early days. Do I stay?

If you want more children, don't stay.

There is no compromise when it comes to kids. Cut your losses and leave. You can find someone else with the same life goals.

Don't stay if you definitely want more dcs op. He's told you where he stands. Best to get out now before you're in too deep.

I'm not sure if I want more. That's the issue. I'm 35 with fertility issues so it may never happen anyway

My main worry would be his attitude towards your child if he doesn’t want children; does he fully accept that your child is part of your lives?

You must fully decide so as not to string anybody along.

Even if it may not happen, you need to decide if you'll be happy not even trying.

If youd like to try, you must find someone else.

He does accept my child yes.

I think that if you want children and he definitely doesn't, then don't stay.
You would end up resenting him in the long term. Or if you convinced him to have children, he would end up resenting you in the tough periods

Hope this helps xxx

You need to accept his decision, just as he needs to accept yours. If he doe not want kids please do not try to get pregnant in the hopes he will change his mind. You need to decide how important it is for you, if you can accept having no more stay other wise you need to leave now.

It's a hard decision OP

I know plenty of people wiu secondary infertility,its more common than primary infertility. I know plenty of single people because they've not met the right one.

Only you can weigh up the potential for this relationship vs the potential for a possible future child with someone else you may meet. For me personally I think I'd try and accept and make peace with what I had but I understand for others the need for another child is greater

You need to decide what you want more, another child or him.

It's only been 6 months. Surely he should barely have even met your child? How can you know, given he doesn't want kids, whether he will want to be a stepfather?

How did this not come up before the 6 month mark? I don’t want kids and I tell people on the first date because I’m not interested in dating anyone who does.

that aside, you need to decide whether the relationship or the possibility of another child is more important to you. If you left him you might not meet anyone else to try for a baby with, but if you stayed and didn’t try you might resent him. Either way, it’s not up for discussion - the person who doesn’t want kids has to ‘win’ in this scenario nobody should have a child they don’t want, and children should be actively wanted by both parents.

He has met my child a few times. I don't really think about a step parent role. I imagine he'd be more my partner until when/if things get serious. My child has a dad albeit not a great one in my opinion

If you knew you couldn’t have another child anyway, would his not wanting them be a deal breaker?

Just have a really frank conversation with him.

If you can see him being a long term partner, then explain what you want in the future so:

• a man who can accept your child and play a role in his life


• a man will be the father of your future children


• a man who will stand by you if your fertility issues mean you can't have kids.

Then at least he gets to make a decision before you become too serious.

You already have a child and you may not be able to have more so why risk a good relationship on the chance you MIGHT meet someone else, they MIGHT want children and you MIGHT be able to have another baby.

I don't understand the question.

It seemed pretty clear to me but, given there is a chance you won’t be able to have another child anyway, the fact he doesn’t want them may turn out to be irrelevant. You might not be able to have a child with anyone else assuming you meet someone you want to have a child with.

Personally, as it's a great relationship, you already have a child and you aren't even sure you want another one anyway, I think I'd stay for the moment and spend the next few months working towards accepting I won't have another child. Then in 6 months or so, if I still can't feel right about that, I'd leave.

No point in investing in a relationship where you don't have the same wishes about having dc imo.

I think this is the right answer

Surely you wouldn't even try to have another child for a couple years, so then you're late 30s with fertility issues, it would be a long shot anyway.

But, I would try to make sure that his reasons for not wanting kids wouldn't have any impact on your own child, e.g. if he really hates children or thinks they should be seen and not heard, that doesn't bode well for him as a partner.

Well there's that and at least he's been honest with you.

I’m with this view OP. You don’t know for sure that you want children, or if you can have any more.

But I would want to make sure that he was going to fully accept my child and saw a future for us as a family. I have a slight nagging doubt that if he doesn’t want his own children he wouldn’t be an enthusiastic step parent.

I think it's not unreasonable to wait and see for the next six months. By that time - the really important part in all of this would be understood. Not wether you may or may not want children- but how he interacts with the one you do have...

It's one thing to date someone when your child is with his other parent, it's quite a different scenario when that child is a day to day part of your and his lives.

There are many fantastic men who are more than happy to have a step child in their lives and take to it like a duck to water - appreciating the fact that they have the fun of kids without the legal responsibility. Then there are those that expect the mother to be footloose and fancy free - and want the kid out of the picture as much as possible.

You can't know that yet. When you do - that is when you decide if this relationship has legs, you will also know how much having another matters.

Basically- if he doesn't want a relationship with your child then he is not the man for you. The child who actually exists and the impact your partner will have on HIS life is far more important than any hypothetical second child.

Give it time and re-evaluate in six months .