MIL coming to stay

[Knifer]

For three weeks and I am so anxious. I do suffer with anxiety and I do always believe everyone else is better than me.

Mainly posting here for traffic, but AIBU to be so anxious? She's coming from another country and will be stopping off with various relatives here, but we are the longest I think. Admittedly I've only met her a few times due to the distance, but she's lovely and I've never had any cause to dislike her.

BUT. Because DH has a "perfect" (in FIL's eyes at least, it seems) older brother with a perfect wife and perfect house, I feel I'm about to be woefully disappointing and she will feel shocked at the difference between us. I don't have rigid routines for my kids, they aren't decked out in mini Boden, they eat sugar, they watch TV, they grumble about their homework and the teens prefer to live like pigs. We don't have a six bedroom 2mil house with land and a housekeeper like BIL does. We have a four bed, mid renovation, she's going to have to stay in our undecorated bedroom and use our undecorated en-suite and she's going to have to put up with my housekeeping which can best be described as scraping by and overwhelmed.

I can cook, but I'm absolutely bricking it cooking for her in case any of the moulting dog's hair gets into the food. I am worried that she won't think well of me. My DH is absolutely chaotically disorganised due to his ADHD and although she knows this, she's not lived with him since he was a teen and I don't know if she's the kind of person who is going to think I should be picking up all the slack and keeping him firmly on track- but there's so much slack I can barely manage half of it, and keeping him
on track all the time isn't something I can be responsible for. I've tried, it's graft, it's not my job.

Honestly, I'm worrying about everything from whether or not I can cook food she likes to whether or not she will feel like she's in a grubby hostel for the best part of a month.

My friend said that if she's staying with us for almost a month she's likely saving herself at least a grand in hotel and dinner fees, so she shouldn't have any grounds to complain at all and she thinks AIBU to put so much pressure on myself. But I can't bear the thought of her seeing my washpile or all the undecorated walls and lack of skirting boards etc.

You sound lovely and that plus seeing your lovely DH and DC us why she wants to stay at yours - a few magazines on the bedside table, sone cheerful flowers in the room and she will be feeling like a very lucky and welcome guest

Hope you all have a lovely time

I'd be trying to split the visit in to two weeks with you and 2 weeks with the golden child (your DH's brother).
Your DH needs to step up here and ask his mother why her arrangements changed? Why does the golden child get to call the shots? Couch it in a conversation that you're happy to have her, that you're looking forward to spending time with her but you are just curious as to why her plans have changed so dramatically?
I wouldn't be at all surprised if your BiL has made alternative arrangements with his family and his wife has put her foot down and said that she will only have his mother for a week at most.

Your MiL might be the most lovely woman in the world but as the saying goes, "guests, like fish, tend to smell after three days" (that's not because the guests don't wash, more that they are getting annoying after that length of time).

I don't know how your finances are but would you be able to take a long weekend break away either with the MiL during her stay or immediately afterwards so that you can unwind?