To ask what would you do if you were me?

[wwydifwm]

I'm 26. I started a new job 9 months ago, my previous jobs were lower paid jobs not in my field so this was my first job in my field. It's working in a busy, fast-paced environment (think PR, advertising, marketing). I am good at the actual work (producing content), but I struggle with the social/people aspect.

I have anxiety, and lately think I may be on the autistic spectrum or have complex PTSD from childhood (my Dad is likely a narcissist, or at least very emotionally unstable and angry). As a result I'm a people pleaser and struggle to say 'no', so at work I struggle to say no when people ask me if I can help with something, even if I'm really busy. I also treat 'when will X be done?' as 'why isn't X done yet, you're too slow'. I'm constantly afraid of being fired, I was convinced I wasn't going to pass my probation even though I was getting told by the head of my department how they had heard very good things about me/my work.

I have now, I think, burnt out. I don't want to use the term 'burn out' because it's only been 9 months, and I feel embarrassed by that. I think it was triggered by lots of little things slowly building up, I had a colleague off for two weeks so my workload increased a bit, I changed accounts so there was that to learn, and my manager has been pushing me to do some presentations (internal and external/to clients) which is something I am really anxious about. I couldn't focus on my work and was crying all day everyday, my nerves felt frazzled and I had a deep sense of dread. I've now been put on anxiety medication and have been signed off work for 2 weeks.

This absence, along with other absences due to illnesses, now puts me above the trigger point for absences and I am terrified I'm going to get disciplined or fired. I am worrying about it constantly even though I am meant to be on sick leave to help my anxiety. I know deep down that this isn't the job for me, but I'm now convinced I've messed everything up because I'll have poor attendance and a potential dismissal or disciplinary on any future references.

The worst thing is work are very supportive. My manager is approachable and supportive but I struggle to speak up about anxiety, I'm a very private person. Everyone around me is coping with the workload and fast-paced environment so I feel embarrassed that I can't.

I don't trust my decision making skills at the moment as everything feels hopeless, so can I ask: if you were me, what would you do?

I work in a fast paced industry and like you have reached burn out.
I don't usually suffer from anxiety but if I did I would email my manager and explain everything you've said here, tell them that you suffer from anxiety hence the email and not speaking face to face.
If you go back to work make a to do list, when a colleague asks you to do something say "this is my to do list, how urgent is your task, when does it need to be done, can you help me prioritise my list and see where I can slip your task in"
Doing that will show them how busy you are and hopefully they'll get someone else to help or do it themselves.
Sometimes though it's just easier to cut your losses, no job is worth risking your mental health, remember that you work to live not live to work ❤️

When things are going well do you enjoy the job OP?

Is it something you wanted to do or is there something else you'd rather be doing.

It sounds like you were doing well and having a supportive management is really encouraging. I had mild anxiety about my career in the early days and I found thinking through the worst case scenario and coming to terms with that and how it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened really helped. So if you're really worried about being disciplined or fired and it happens you could just try something else?

So make sure you look after yourself (take annual leave entitlement and make sure you really relax in your downtime), learn to say No- people won't think less of you and let your manager know the situation. We have many colleagues at my work that struggle with anxiety and many allowances are given to them. Hopefully your medication will help and with time things might get easier. If not then you can always leave in the future and it's not the end of the world.

Have you friends/family who can support you through this?

To be honest I haven't liked the job in a long time. It was ok when I first started as I was getting eased into things, but then it hit full force and I've struggled and not liked it ever since. Every morning I would wake up with such a sense of dread and I would spend evenings and weekends worrying about work.

I’d hand my notice in and look for a job with less pressure.

I understand how you feel OP. I identify with a lot of how you are feeling myself. I don't know what the answer is though. It seems obvious to say look for another job but then the worry would be that it would just be shifting the issue to another location, iyswim.