To move dc 12 miles from school

[Pyracanth]

I own my house (with mortgage), and also have a lot of debt, mounted up over the years on various things. I have a full time job, no benefits. XH left over a decade ago and does not have any contact with DC’s or pay any maintenance, so he is not a sticking point in this particular dilemma.

My plan is to sell my house and buy a cheaper house in lovely town 12 miles away (cheaper I guess because it’s slightly more out in the sticks), but much nicer than the town I’ve lived in for last 20 years.

Dc1 lives away at Uni. Dc2 will have one more year of sixth form in September with a view to Uni in 2023. Dc2 does not want to move and does not seem to understand my dilemma here, wants me to wait another year or move within same town. I however don’t want to spend a fortune moving twice, there really is nothing I would want to stay here for.

AIBU to move 12 miles away to lovely town with good bus service to town where DC’s school is, plus it would free up enough money for me and DC’s to actually be able to do some fun stuff, and ease my stress of being quite heavily in debt? I really don’t want to be in this depressing situation any longer. Dc2 has very mild learning disabilities and anxiety. I think they struggle to understand some concepts, and look at things long term. Plus friends are very important to them, so I feel so cruel to do this at this point, but it’s only one year.

Some advice and opinions would be very welcome. Thanks in advance.

Why can't you just wait a year to move? In fact, if you were to start the process of selling up now, it would probably be a year before you actually got to move?

Do you have your eye on a specific house or is it just the town in general you want to move to?

I wouldn't disrupt my DC for the sake of a year unless it was a desperate situation.

You will only need to wait a matter of months until New Year, then start decluttering and doing any jobs needed on your house, with a view to going on the market in the spring, which should tie in with your DC going to Uni.
Unless you are at risk of repossession, surely you can manage as you are for this short time to save unsettling your DC.

Yeah I agree with waiting a year. There's a lot of articles atm about how A levels students this year are really struggling with anxiety due to the confusion/lack of schooling over the last 2 years. If DS2 already has additional needs then moving on top of this is just going to exacerbate worry - things like what if the bus doesn't turn up/is late or breaks down on the morning of an exam. If you are actively preparing the house to sell then the time will go really quickly.

We lived 10 miles from the children's primary school and they are now at secondary school 12 miles from home. That's rural life for you. It is eminently doable, but does require parents to be very amenable to transport provision to avoid them becoming alienated from a social life/friendship circle.

You may as well wait a year as it's taking bloody ages to move at the moment.

We sold our house 4 months ago and we're hoping we'll finally month in the next month!

Finally *move!

Agree. It'll probably take almost a year to love anyway. By the time you find something and the sale has gone through.

I would wait until DC2 has finished 6th form.

Keep talking about it and planning for it though, as then they have more time to get used to the idea that the change is happening.

I’d stay a year, and sort out so that you don’t get in debt again.

I think it would be better to wait the year.
I've got one just about to sit A levels and I cannot imagine that moving house mid-way through this year would have done anything to help the situation!
How frequent are the buses? Weekends, bank holidays evenings?ie times when teens would want to use them? Cost? How much earlier will she need to get up for school? Will it take longer to get home? Are you willing to give lifts home from late night parties etc? Are her friends going to want to come to hers?

Even if you start looking now, it's likely to be a year before you move anyway.

But I really don't think moving in the middle of A-levels is ideal - even if she can stay at the same school, it's disruptive and will really make a difference to her social life if she has to start relying on buses etc.

I would wait until your youngest is finished with A-levels and maybe move the summer before she starts at university.

If you can possibly hang on till your dc2 has finished school and exams (June 23?) and then maybe involve them both in looking at possible houses they might like in the other town, it might be less of a worry for dc2? I agree with a pp that having to rely on public transport to get to school and, even worse, exams on time would be really stressful for someone who already has anxiety.

I agree with others that waiting a year would be better.

I'd also like to understand what "good bus service to town" looks like.
How long is the journey, how frequent are the buses and when is the last one? Are you prepared to be taxi service to facilitate a social life when the bus service isn't good enough (or travelling back late at night alone is deemed not a good idea)? or are they taking driving lessons and will have access to a car when she passes? If they decide not to go to university, is she then stuck in the sticks and will struggle with employment/apprenticeship/whatever? Freeing up some money to do "some fun stuff" isn't necessarily a bonus - your DC are at the age where they are becoming independent anyway.

The same considerations also apply to your DC at university. If it's harder for them to get back to see local friends, you may have to accept that they may not wish to come and see you so often/prefer to stay with said friends.

you should only move just now if you are in danger of getting further into debt despite trying to be frugal or are in danger of bankruptcy; you can't go further in debt to keep a child happy and you will need to spell out that staying put means frugality
you need to get house ready for sale so start on any bits of maintenance required tidy garden make sure come spring daffodils and snowdrops will be flowering for nice photos so it can go on market in March
make it plain that decoration and decluttering are happening and if necessary that might mean their room too though if necessary that should be done this autumn not while revising next spring

however if moving is the only way out of a debt spiral you just need to be honest with your child that it has to happen asap and you can't afford to rent for 6-12 months as then won't be able to buy again

As yourself say, it's only one year. So wait till next summer. In the meantime start decluttering, decorating, finishing bits of DIY that need doing etc. it would be very cruel to move a child that struggles with change at this point in their life.

You may struggle to find a suitable house and sell/move by September. Given two years of catching up you may have to cope with failed bids, gazumping and possibly could be unlucky with the nastier spivs that some estate agents have and/or dirty tricks from sellers.

I'd wait a year if at all possible.

Thank you all so much for your responses, it’s really helped put it in perspective!

So I think unanimously you’ve all pretty much said the same thing - to wait a year. I totally agree that it would be very difficult for dc for all the reasons you’ve listed. However I really can’t wait a year, I can’t do a whole other year of feeling on edge due to being in debt and not knowing what interest rates are going to do. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in, obviously.
However, what I could do is compromise and buy something in the town I am in now, incidentally I’ve seen a nice house which came on the market yesterday which ticks a lot of boxes, and it was actually my dc who found it, so I know I have their backing. Not totally ideal for me because I don’t think I’ll want to settle there for long but if it helps us get back on our feet and does not interfere with DC’s final year then it will have to do.

Thank you all again for your help!

Sounds like a great compromise.