Party

[Hiya Wishy]

I was 40 earlier in the year. DH is 50 at the end of the summer. I've been saying we'll have a joint birthday party this year for a while.
DD(12) is really struggling with her mental health and self harms often. I have a DS(13) who is fine, just a teenager & DH works away often. Trying to manage this, organise my Dad's surprise 70th party which was rearranged twice due to Covid regulations in Wales, a new puppy, a house move and a new job with a boss who is hopeless at managing his team (all since January) has meant that I haven't got round to it. It just seemed too hard work.
Went to a big family event yesterday which was lovely. Really brought home how quickly time passes and nice it is when family gets together.
Decided this morning to be proactive and have sorted a date for said party. Sent a few inviting messages and already have had a few "sorry, no" replies. One being from my sister who fair enough lives abroad, but seems to make it home for other events very often. I am really sad about this.
AIBU to think this is going to be too much stress or am I being dramatic and oversensitive? Do I seem entitled and spoilt like everybody should drop everything because I've decided it's convenient to have a party?

Of course it's disappointing when people can't make your event but please don't take it personally.
Firstly, Have you given them plenty of notice?
We have had so many invitations this year (all postponed from the prev 2 years!) Including 3 Baptisms and 3 weddings. We just can't afford all of them, esp the ones further away that would require hotel stays.
Secondly a lot of people have lost confidence socially over lockdown and struggle now with large events. Some might still even be worried about catching viruses.
I hope you enjoy your day and hope that your DD gets better soon.

How much notice OP? People get incredibly booked up and if they're coming from far and wide you might just need a much longer run up for people to schedule it.
And to be honest what with holidays and weddings and the backlog of the last couple of years I'm not sure many people can travel for birthdays too.

Honestly, it does sound like you're being a bit too sensitive.

Obviously I don't know how many people have said no or how they've said it but Summer is really popular for events normally but especially with a lot of things being postponed over the last 2 years, it's even busier. I've already got a wedding in June that should have been in 2020, a 30th birthday party that should have been at the start of last year and I'm due a baby in July. That's not to mention the invites to birthdays, BBQ's etc from this year.

If you've booked a date in the school summer holidays as well people might not be able to attend if it's an adult only party.

I also wouldn't expect anyone to come from abroad for a birthday party unless they were planning a holiday at that time anyway.

Pick a date, send the invites and plan the party, you'll have some that can't make it but hopefully enough still do to make it a good day for you

How much notice have you given them? We're booked up for lots of weekends until mid August already (parties, holiday, visiting family etc).

If people need to travel so spent the whole weekend away I think you need to give a lot of notice.

Of course it’s unreasonable to expect someone to travel from abroad for a party, especially with just a few months notice.

I assume your party is this year so most people will have already sorted out their annual leave. I know for certain that all the summer is booked at work there’s zero chance I could get time off now.
I think as has been mentioned lots of people have postponed events so there is an awful lot to fit in.
There is also the added problem that lots of people may be far more reluctant to travel abroad after recent events. I know of people who were stuck overseas for a long time due to covid and they are very hesitant to travel again. It’s all relative and you know your sister so maybe you do feel she should make more of an effort.

As summer gets closer people will already be booked for many weekends/school holidays. Holidays, weddings, postponed parties, postponed concerts etc. You need to give plenty of notice and look at much later in the year.

If people are busy on the date, they can’t help it. Who are you inviting and how far will they have to travel. I wouldn’t travel too far for a birthday party unless it was a close friend/relative. Will they need to stay over somewhere? I wouldn’t travel abroad for a birthday party.

As the date isn't important and your sister lives abroad, if it is really important for you that she is there then why not ask her when she is next over and book your party to coincide with her visit?

tbh I wouldn't travel to another country for a "birthday party" months after the actual birthday.

Gently, people shouldn't have to change plans because you've decided to have a party.
The summer is busy for a lot of people, especially considering all the events that have been pushed back over the past 2 years.

Don’t take it personally. We’re emerging from a period where many people held off seeing friends and family for months on end and so will have lots of plans now they feel they can see people. It really does depend how much notice you’ve given. DP and I are currently fully booked up more or less every weekend until mid-September - and I know some of our friends who have kids feel a bit shirty when we turn them down because they don’t believe it’s possible to have as many plans as we do, because they never do; but it is the case.

As it looks like a few of your guests won't be able to make it why don't you scrap the party idea and book a lovely family weekend break, it sounds like you all could do with the rest 💐

I think this is a bad time of year to ask people to commit to a big event this summer because they’re already booked themselves for wedding and holidays etc.