Will this be classed as emotional abuse?

[Thecatwokemeup]

Trying to split with DC's dad.
I gave him the ultimatum to change or be out by Easter. He made some half arsed changes e.g. registering with AA but then quitting. He came on a few day trips (but drank).
We had a big bust up two weeks ago when he picked the kids up from school drunk. Last night I was telling him about a kids party I went to and he went strange again. He is both paranoid and accusatory. Believed that the children's entertainer was actually a male stripper and was sending me sexualised messages through boob shaped balloons. I kid you not! It would all be funny if it wasn't my fucking life.
I had to barricade myself and the kids in my bedroom to stop him hurling delusional abuse at me. I know he is unwell but I don't feel safe.
My worry is that I've tried so many times to make him leave and he doesn't. I know that I am going to have to leave but I'm so annoyed that I have to have time off, move out of the house that I paid 80% of, take kids out of school. I'm worried that a refuge won't take me seriously, that his family and mine won't take me seriously. I've covered for him so often that they're all going to think this is completely out of the blue.
How do you just leave? I know in half an hour he will wake up and be lovely. I just need to be strong.

Leaving is rarely easy, but sometimes it's the only option. Him being unwell as you put it means nothing. He has capacity, he is making the decisions. I asked police this question myself and was asked if my husband hurt other people or just me. My answer of no led to theirs.

Call women's aid, talk it through, you have options that include getting him out of the house if you would prefer.

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support links depending on where you are in the UK

You can do this, you would not want your children growing up thinking this is normal I am sure.

Good luck

@KittenKins thank you, I really mean that

No worries, I never usually feel I have anything to add to a post as there are many a wiser poster than I on Mumsnet, however I couldn't read & run.

Woman's aid say if something doesn't feel right in your relationship, it probably isn't.

Please call/email/chat with someone, it wasn't until my liaison officer asked me when the bad side of my relationship started & I started counting back I realised how long things have been bad for.

Another thing I was asked, "if a friend said this to you what would you do", "run" was my response.

So ask yourself, if your son/daughter/best friend explained a similar past, what would you say?

@KittenKins they would say 'run' but wouldn't be able to give me much advice about how to get him out, pay the bills on my own, what I say to my DC's who are quite defensive of him, despite saying that he is grumpy/angry/ shouty a lot of the time. It's so easy to just carry on and suppress it all.

The school let him collect children when he was drunk? That’s shocking.
you don’t need anyone to give permission or understand why you are ending things. Your unhappiness and his behaviour is enough.
as kitten says ring WA who will sign post you to a local da service provider. They will talk you through legal stuff, finances, support for you etc.

The drinking is also clearly a safeguarding issue which requires flagging up with the school and WA.

I totally understand the feeling of it being easier to carry on in some ways, but there are risks involved in that choice.

How old are the DC? Parents do shout at time, but not all the time. Is the shouting aimed at you or the whole family?

Bills could be a challenge, I don't deny it, but the mental freedom that comes with it makes all that worth while, however difficult.

The thing is only you can make this choice, it's easy for those looking in to pass comment but again, if this was your child in a relationship like yours what would you say?

Children who witness abusive behaviour are more likely to be a victim or perpetrator in the future unfortunately.

I'm sorry you are in this situation, please, chat to professionals, the women's aid link have a chat feature, the first link has a physical helpline. Raise your concerns, at least get advice before you make a decision? Knowledge is power, & you can do this.

You have every reason to call police and have him removed. There is no way that it is acceptable or legal for you to be subjected to abuse at all never mind to the point whereby you are barricading yourself into another room.

Then you can invoke legal proceedings to keep him out.