Wedding invite - Posh

[Sammykit]

My friend remains adament that her partner ‘is not posh’ and ‘kinda rough’. I do not care if her partner is posh / not posh / employed / unemployed as long as he makes her happy. - (Usual british obsession with heirarchy - I do not even know why she tells me this; I do not care)

He grew up in a ‘huge’ house and attends the private golf club with his father (very very elite area).

Anyway she hands me the wedding invite yesterday and he has ‘sealed’ the wedding invites with wax and with the family plaque with his initials that have been added on. She talked me through the whole plaque. I mean it is lovely, But YANBU to feel she is delusional about his social class?!

He seems a lovely guy but when she tells me ‘to find a nice down to earth man’ ‘like him’ - I am really starting to think she just does not the markers of wealth. I would not mind but she always says the men I meet ‘are poshos’ and therefore ‘should be avoided’. When she handed me the wedding invite with the red wax I nearly died. He probably has a signet ring.

As I said I do not care in the slightest about social class - it seems to be she keeps bringing it up and playing his down for whatever reason. I am starting to think she might be insecure for some reason but I cannot work out why.

I agree with @DangerouslyBored. Of course some 'posh' people don't care two hoots how they dress or the damp state of their house, but the ones I know just scream money. No obvious labels but you just know the outfit they are wearing cost several thousand, their hair is beautifully coloured and they have that air of confidence in their place in the world. Their houses are truly immaculate due to live in help.

Clickbait title

i am just exhausted with class hierachy and social status these days
you just cannot win - so much judgement everywhere

The wax sealed envelope sounds like a warning bell to me. It would make me wonder about 'window dressing' to establish a presence and reputation. It is NOT done!
Have they bought and do they display a Lord of the Manor Certificate?

DH has friends that seal their post with a red wax seal. They are self-made wealthy, and absolutely not posh in any respect. (They are painfully snobbish show offs, erring towards pretentious, but that's beside the point).

I don't know what 'posh' means. Naff, yes, and sealing wax with a family crest is naff. I suspect there are other indications of this, which is why friend likely goes so frequently on the defensive. Protesting too much is fairly often a giveaway.

I'd let her crack on; no one is forcing you to buy into this whackadoo British fixation on class hierarchies and questions of taste. If she questions your choice of date, that is the time to tell her her unwanted vetting of your potential partners is not welcome. How would she like it if you offered a similar opinion on hers?

British people are so hung up on issues of class. My friends in the states (where I lived for some time) scratch their heads over it, as do the ones on the European continent. Granted, they do have their own versions, but IME nowhere is it as marked as it is in the UK. Tedious.

I've been to loads of weddings and not one invite has been from the parents, I've had a 'together with our familes' a few times but never one from the parents so it's really not that unusual.

OP I'm wondering if your friend is deliberately playing down her fiancé's background in order to not seem like a hypocrite for telling you to avoid 'poshos'!

The seasl has nothing to do with social class , it's just a fun way of personalising the wedding invitations.

You should stop obsessing about social class. Put that chip down and give your shoulder a rest.

Most signet rings were made in the 1920s when it was a thing
Make some laugh every time a rugby lad shows me theres

That's just bring tight, not low key.

Sounds like she's massively uncomfortable and worried about not fitting in with her husband's 'class' and is deflecting it onto you.

The only two people I know that bang on about class are married to very wealthy men. One uses it as a bragging tool and seems to think she's better than other people now. The other makes lots of jokes and comments about it as she's deeply uncomfortable around her husband's very wealthy family as their upbringings were very, very different.

Because the standard etiquette of the class the OP is saying the man is allegedly from, it is still very much expected that the invitations will come from the bride’s parents.

Yes I think so
when she said he was going golfing with his dad I asked where - she told me the golf place name and I know for a fact it is thousands and thousands to even join
so i think she is trying not to be a hypocrite
she is obsessed with me dating someone ‘normal’ - whatever normal is - criminals cheats and abusers cover all walks of life

Are you sure she is not doing a bit of humble bragging?

I agree with the others about the golf - to me golf is a middle class as opposed to posh corporate beanos or Jimmy Tarbuck/Bruce Forsyth golfing dads/granddad's.

Don't fret about the wax seal. I have loads a few of them initials and seasonal. Really cheap on Amazon and coloured wax in all colours. They really cheer up a personal letter or a card.

it was a family wax seal 😂

Did the wedding invite come from their parents, or from the couple themselves? Posh people send out wedding invites from their parents (in my experience anyway).

Does the wedding invite give a dress code? Posh people wear morning suits to weddings.

I don’t think playing golf at a club where it costs thousands to join is particularly posh, just means that they have money. The wax seal thing is a bit tacky. Did he go to private school?

If she calls it an "invite" and not an "invitation", SHE is definitely not posh!!

As I said I do not care in the slightest about social class

Yet you made a whole post about it….🤔

If the bride's parents and groom's parents were both nouveau, would they send 'invites' with two different wax seals imprinted?

Were the stiffies engraved?

😂😂😂😂 true

Whats stiffies??

Invites from what would genuinely be considered 'posh' and wealthy would usually be on stiff card and use an engraved printing with raised ink rather than embossed or just printed. Expensive but pleasing. The use of stiff card leads to them being called 'stiffies' by some. The genuinely 'posh' I knew would tend not to use wax seals. The wealthy new money might. No judgement by me, just observation.

You can see the raised ink or feel it if you run your fingers along the text. If it is then look on the reverse side of the paper and make sure it's not visibly debossed. If it is engraved then more expensive printing process for a more pleasing result. The stiffer card can sometimes make a sound when wobbled.

She's humble bragging! And woefully patronising.

I’d question of it was a proper coat of arms or one of those family surname crests you can google for each surname.

@Footgoose I’ve worked for old money two billionaires who dressed in holey clothes, patched many times over that drove old bangers when at their homes in the country. Obviously wouldn’t be seen dead like it in the office or London but wondering around the villages they owned, patched Barbour and a ranger rover from the 80s was fine.