Being woken in the middle of the night by DH - AIBU

[Betteroffbymyself88]

Dh went out last night to watch the football (last game of the season etc) and then stayed out for a few drinks. He got home about midnight.

We have 2 DC, 1 is 4, 1 is 8 months. The youngest is currently poorly with a chest infection so we couldn't do a lot yesterday.

Dh had form for coming in late when I'm already in bed and wanting to have a full blown conversation with me. When I want to sleep as I know the youngest will inevitably wake up. Last week he decided to pick a fight and tell me how bored and lonely he is with life as we can't go out together (he did apologise the day)

Last night he came in and I woke up when he came to bed and started talking. When I reminded him it's the middlenof the night and I wanted to sleep he had a go about how all he wanted to do was spend some time with me and talk to me and then got in a hump about it.

As expected dc woke up shortly after and I was up for an hour with them. They then woke for the day at 515 so I'm upwhile DH is still snoring.

Aibu for wanting to be left to sleep!

Talk to him this morning when he has not been drinking

Explain why it is annoying and give him 2 choices when he has been out

1. Come to bed quietly


2. Sleep on the sofa

Go up and start talking to him, see how he likes it….

Firstly, if he wants to go out with you he needs to sort childcare.
Secondly, he needs to come to bed quietly.
But I’d suggest you need to have another conversation about the ‘bored and lonely’ comment. You both need to do something about that before he uses it as an excuse to play away. (Can you tell I’ve been on here too long !)

Agree with the previous poster, give him a taste of his own medicine.

Not acceptable to wake you up- especially on purpose! I would be super pissed! Have a sober conversation about what he has brought up with you more than once though, he sounds as though he does want spend time with you alone so it is important that you listen to him as what he's saying is valid. Organise some childcare (both of you) and plan some date nights/nights out with mutual friends. You are both still a couple as well as parents so make time for each other.

Why are you up with the children, take them into your bedroom and let them play on the bed. When DH complains say that the children need time with their dad and are upset that he never wants to talk to them at 6.30 in the morning.

It sounds like you need a conversation in the day time about the issues he's raised. Otherwise it might end up a smouldering resentment. Also then he might not wake you up to discuss it.

Why are you up at 5.15 and DH gets to stay in bed? And not do night wakings? And go out?

Open the curtains, put the kids in that room and tell them to wake daddy.

Well, bring the kids into your bed, bring some toys, put some kids programme on, open the curtains and don't let your husband continue sleeping!

It is unbelievably selfish to fuck with someone’s sleep. Unbelievably.

Does he ever do nights with the children?

Wake him up this morning when the rest of the family are up...he wants to spend time together.....he can do it on your time!

There are two separate issues here:

1. Your husband is an inconsiderate arse when he's drunk and needs to sleep on the sofa when he comes home late.

1. Your husband is upset about the current state of your relationship and is bottling it up so it all comes out when he's been drinking.

You need to have two separate conversations about these problems. Keep 1 short, unemotional and nonconfrontational and do not let it escalate into a discussion on 2. Approach 2 with compassion and openness, separate it from your anger about 1 if you can - small children are hard on a marriage but this is a man you (presumably) love and cherish and so you need to work together to address the issue.

@MolliciousIntent
I agree with you re the 2 issues.
Though I would be sorely tempted to encourage the children to go in to say hello to their sleeping dad. 😀

@Betteroffbymyself88
Your username is interesting. Is that how you feel at the moment re the relationship ?

Under the patio with him. No jury would convict.

I would have zero patience for this behaviour.