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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Confronting A Cheating Partner

7 replies

NormalBloke · 08/05/2022 02:18

Hi i started a whirlwind relationship in the UK with a lady at the start of December. We fell in love quickly and by the end of the month we confessed we loved each other and we would now be exclusive. She then returned home to South Africa for January. Then i flew out to live with her for Feb March and April

During April i caught her sexting graphically a former boyfriend. She tried to lie her way out of instead of confessing which she did in the end. She said it was a one off. I said if it was show me your messages between each other for the previous few months to prove this. She refused which i found hard to swallow if this was correct.

Anyway i have now have some info that casts doubt on what she was doing when she went back on her own to South Africa in January. We video called each other every day and were constantly talking so we knew what each one had been doing every day etc etc.

I now feel that she met up with a former boyfriend who gave her an expensive xmas present £100 jumper but she never ever told me about this potential meeting.

Also there was one night in January where she said she was going to a friends house (a married couple) for a bbq. The story behind this was very very sketchy. I kept asking can we vido call when you get back. She kept putting me off and said i dont know what time i will be back. I said i dont care just call me i wil be available to take your call. She then changed it to my friends have now asked me to stay overnight all within the space of a 5 minute text exchange. This seemed highly suspicious.

Because of the sexting in April which she lied about i lost some trust in her. i have now revisited our relationship and these 2 instances back in January are haunting me and i am agonising over them.

AIBU to ask her about these 2 events again to put my heart and head to rest . I just want to know the truth.

I know there are trust issues here but i want to move forward with the relationship with this person but need to know im not getting played.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 08/05/2022 02:42

YANBU to speak with her about it again.

YABU to try to force someone to call you. At any time.

She doesn't sound like a decent person to be honest. I'd say you're wasting your time on her. And the trust is gone.

larkstar · 08/05/2022 05:51

How old are you both? Sounds like a scammer to me.

Philisophigal · 08/05/2022 06:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Monty27 · 08/05/2022 06:45

You sound suffocating. Maybe you have trust issues and jumped in too quickly by the sounds of it.

pjmasksitsthepjmasks · 08/05/2022 19:08

It's been 6 months and she's already cheated on you. Why would any sane person try to continue that relationship? Cut your losses and move on. She's just not that into you.

AchatAVendre · 08/05/2022 19:18

This is all too much, too soon. You knew her for a month before she flew to a different continent and are then complaining about her being in touch with an ex boyfriend. How can you have a committed relationship with someone you barely know who lives in a different country after only a month anyway?

Then you went to stay with her in South Africa for 3 months. Why? Are you still there? Don't you have any committments at home? Are you basically living in this woman's home after knowing her for less than a few months?

Why do you think a £100 jumper is "an expensive present"?

This is all really off kilter and potentially very controlling. Why the need to move in with her in a different country so soon?

IncompleteSenten · 08/05/2022 19:20

You've known her a few months, spent little time with her and she's lied to you and cheated on you.

The sensible thing to do is walk away!

Does she ask you for money?

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