Am I irrational?

[Iamaneggman]

I am being made to feel that I am both unreasonable and irrational by my BF and want some independent views please.

We have a 3yo DS

I was off work yesterday - usual day off. Look after son as normal. Unfortunately, seem to have come down with norovirus or something similar so spent majority of day on the sofa/toilet with 3 year old playing/having stories etc.

BF worked in the office and then went out to meet friends after work. Got in at 0330.

I was up multiple times in the night as stomach still very unhappy.

DS up at just before 7.

At 745 I sent DS into BF (slept in spare room) as I felt it was best for him to make breakfast/reduce risk of him catching whatever I have.

DS immediately sent back to me. BF just up now (1045) and is blaming me for ruining his Saturday. Apparently it is impossible to function on such little sleep. He now cannot possibly do anything all day.

I have pointed out that I am actually sick, should be staying away from both him and DS if possible. I have also told him that I would have come home yesterday after work rather than leaving me to parent alone but appreciate that he doesn’t see this friend very often so understood why he didn’t even consider it.

I honestly don’t know what to say to make him reflect and think how his actions make me feel uncared for and how selfish he is as I am always made to feel like the bad guy. Am I the bad guy? Was I wrong to send DS in at 745? Should I have let him have a lie in?

I honestly don’t know what to say to make him reflect and think how his actions make me feel uncared for and how selfish he is as I am always made to feel like the bad guy

Oh you cant make him care about you. He either does or he doesn't. It looks like he doesn't.

And no you are not the bad guy at all. You were unwell and needed support.

If you're always the bad guy, hes gaslighting you.

You're not well. He should be stepping up anyway (assuming he's your son's dad) but even more so when you're not well.

Sorry, but I couldn't live with this level of selfishness. A lack of empathy is a terrible thing to have to live with.

Of course you are not being unreasonable or irrational. Your bf is totally selfish. You are being far more patient than i would be.

I honestly don’t know what to say to make him reflect and think how his actions make me feel uncared for and how selfish he is as I am always made to feel like the bad guy.

You can't do anything - he's just fundamentally selfish. Nothing you do or say can change that. You just need to decide whether you want to live like this or not.

Am I the bad guy? Was I wrong to send DS in at 745? Should I have let him have a lie in?

No on all counts.

How awful, I hope you’re feeling better and when you are well enough ask him to leave.

Thanks, hard to read the replies but at least I am not irrational as he claims.

There's a bigger chance your son would have caught it from you having spent the entire day with you yesterday, and potentially spread it to your partner.

However, he shouldn't have gone out. I appreciate he doesn't see his friend often but plans can and should be rearranged in such circumstances.

Well let’s hope your bf does catch it and you can give him a taste of his own medicine.....

How selfish of him. I hope he has lots of other redeeming features and this out of character for your sake OP.

There’s no arrangements of words ‘to say’ to make him see the light. He already knows and doesn’t care. It’s all about him. Stop moaning and put him first.

I assume he doesn't do any parenting on his days off work? How about the housework/ cooking, how much of that does he do? I would take this as a huge wake up call and have a serious talk about the division of labour.

If you're feeling better next Friday would you be able to go out until 0330 and then sleep in the next day while he does everything?

She's a pretty shit dad and a really shit partner.

You won't convince him to change.