To want to give up fertility treatment **trigger pregnancy loss**

[Goldybear]

I'm 38 husband is 43.
We have struggled with infertility I have low amh and stage 4 endometriosis and DH has male factor issues.

After 2 rounds of IVF we finally had our little girl. She is honestly the light of our lives and we are so grateful to have her. She is 2.

We always wanted to have 2 kids so decided to try again (we had 1 frozen embryo left) we transferred that embryo in February and were ecstatic when we got a positive pregnancy test and first few scans went well. However at 14 weeks (2 weeks ago) we found out babies heart had stopped. I had to have a D&C.
We were devastated.

My husband wants us to try again one last time but I don't think I can do it. I don't think we can financially afford it first of all but also I don't think I can go through it again the months of injections, the side effects, the invasive procedures, then go through morning sickness etc only to lose the baby in the 2nd trimester. I know it may have a positive outcome this time but the hurt is still raw and I can only see

Has anyone gone through this? Did you regret not trying again for a sibling for your child? It makes me feel guilty that I'm not trying everything to give her a brother or sister.
My husband has said its 100% my decision as its my body and he'll support me either way however time is ticking so I need to make a decision pretty soon as I'm not getting any younger.

*and I can only see the negatives.

YANBU. It’s never unreasonable to stop fertility treatment if you don’t want to carry on. It does take a huge emotional and physical toll - and the physical part is all you not your husband. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. 💐

It's only two weeks since you lost your baby, and I am so very sorry for your loss.

All your emotions are raw right now and that's completely understandable. You don't have to make any decisions right now so allow yourself some time to grieve. Your age isn't perhaps as major a factor as you may think. 38 isn't old.

Nobody can tell you whether you 'should' try again - it's a very personal decision to you and your husband. Financially even if you can take the hit, there's still the treatment to go through which, as you know, isn't nice at all. That said, there's no guarantee you'd lose another baby in the second trimester (or earlier/later) but also no guarantee you wouldn't either.

I lost twins at 19 weeks gestation and lost my second son neonatally at 4 days old after he was born at 23 weeks. His twin sister survived and is playing by my feet as I type. We agonised over trying for a another baby. We wanted the opportunity to give our daughter a surviving sibling but couldn't bare another potential loss. Another loss is ALWAYS a risk in pregnancy but it was a risk we decided to take. I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy and so far it's going well. We didn't have IVF to conceive so we didn't go through the emotional, physical or financial trauma of fertility treatment so obviously I'm in no place to advise you there. PS. I'm nearly 40 so a bit older than you!

Whatever you decide, I'm sure will be the right decision for you and your family. It's wonderful your husband is so on board and will support you no matter what. Have lots of open conversations with him and be brutally honest about how you both feel even if it means saying things you think the other doesn't want to hear.

I wish you well.

@CounsellorTroi thank you for your kind words.

@Squiff70 I cannot imagine what you've been through such heartbreaking loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy xxx

I’ve had a lot of fertility treatment, a couple of early miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. We have one DD. All the losses preceded her and fertility treatment following her arrival resulted in negative pregnancy tests. It was still hard to decide to stop but it was absolutely difficult to continue after losses.

I think you need more time to come to terms with your loss (I’m so sorry), I know the pressure is there due to age but I’m not sure you can rush these things and mostly it’s still very early days.

we really wanted a sibling for our DD but she seems happy enough being a singleton and for us, she was obviously our one in a million.

Whilst you’re in the fertility cycle (whether with or without help) I know it can be all consuming. Once you leave it behind, you do slowly stop thinking about it. For me, I really didn’t want it to consume me whilst my DD was young. I wanted to be present for her life and knew I struggled whilst also doing ivf. So we limited ourselves and though it was still hard to give up, we were sort of lucky in that ivf was obviously no longer working either.

I hope you can work out what is best for you and your family. Best wishes to you

@BreakfastClub80 Thank you. That's how I feel too, I feel like pursuing more fertility treatment will be at the expense of the child we already have. I think you're right I need to give myself more time. Thanks for sharing x

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I can definitely relate. We are further down the road and while I adore my child I would happily do anything to have another despite having many losses, my husband not so much. The only thing I would say is to go back on the ivf rollercoaster you both need to want it equally otherwise it breaks you as a couple down.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐
My son was stillborn in summer 2020 and my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage.
We are in the process of buying a house. I'm 30 so I know my age shouldn't be an issue but we have agreed that if it goes our way and we get pregnant and have a living baby, we are stopping at them. I can't go through the heartache of more potential losses and we both enjoy our hobbies so we know one living child would be where we would stop.
There's no right or wrong answer- there's just what's right for you.

Thank you so much for everyone sharing their story. It's heartbreaking the devastating loss that people have been through.

I've decided to just put it out of my head for now and revisit when the hurt isn't so raw.

Sending you all my love and best wishes.

I only have one, would’ve loved a second but it wasn’t to be.

However, only having one has meant that I could give my son my full time and attention instead of him having to share me with a new sibling and that has been lovely and we have such a strong bond as a result.

I think not having further tries when you have one child already is a very reasonable decision to make.