I dont know if he's even having DC

[whymewhyme]

So PD and I have seprated 1 week ago ( posted twice on relationships) he said on Wednesday he is going to have dc today but I've heard nothing!! I'm going out at 9.30. I feel that he should of txt last night to finalise a time and can't just drop it on me this morning......that's if he even txts! Dc doesn't know if hes coming or going which makes me angry.

So AIBU to tell him if he txt that we have plans now as we can't wait arround for him to decided when he has him??

Nope. ‘We have plans and haven’t heard from you so have to head off. If there another day that you could take dc please let me know and I’ll see if that works’ would be perfect. You need to agree times and then make dc available in those times. Not other times.

Can you take DC to his ? Or simply phone him now and get the plans sorted ?

Don't disrupt your plans for him, but make the effort to phone to try to sort it at least then he can't complain because YOU never told him what time he'd need to collect DC if he wants to see them.

Agree with PP that ALL child visitation days/times need to be arranged well in advance, because this will only get more complicated when your DC also has activities/invites etc to work around.

Start as you mean to go on. Either drop the dc off at his, with no warning, or text him and say 'we're going out at 9.30. You need to collect before then or I won't be here.'

Make it clear he needs to make detailed arrangements and stick to them.

Definitely start as you mean to go on. Arrangements for contact with children made well in advance, not tolerating any bad behaviour- lateness/not turning up, changing plans at the last minute, being a dickhead at handover…

I think if he says he will have him then maybe he doesn't feel the need to send a text confirming? I'd message this morning to say.. what time you coming and see what he replies...

I just feel that this was loosely spoken about on Wednesday, not mentioned since and no time arranged.

I don't feel like i should have to txt him and ask him anything at this point ( wife organising duties are over) he should be forward thinking and prioritising his child and not expecting us to hand about for him.

It’s not a hardship to text him and ask, don’t cut your kids noses off to spite your ex. Do the right thing. After today say you need details in advance.

Terrible advice. Don't start go on ultimatum's 1 week in. This is an adjustment period he doesn't know if he's coming or going either. Don't play games either or think this is organising ' wife duties' or you text. It is not it is you making the best of the situation for your child. Simply text the truth 'what time are you coming as it's not fair to keep DC waiting in all day'. Start as you mean to go on? This doesn't have to be a you against him

Do this.

It's not wife duties - it's coparenting mother duties.

Get a set schedule in place.

You need to text him. There's no reason why you couldn't have messaged yesterday saying right my plans tomorrow are X, will you collect kids at Y?

Then for the future, have a schedule to prevent this. It's early days so it'll take you both time to get used to it.