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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up on this friendship?

9 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 06/05/2022 22:26

I've been friends with a woman I met through work just over a year ago. We have a lot in common, are similar ages and just really got on well.

When we saw each other at work or in passing (we live in the same town) we always chatted well and had great rapport and yet I've noticed that every time one of us brings up meeting up sometime outside of work it never happens. I've since left that job but we stayed in touch and bumped into each other many times.

I've tried multiple times to suggest low key meet ups (dog walks, beach visits etc) so nothing time consuming or expensive and stuff we would both be doing anyway and even though she sounds keen in the moment nothing ever comes of it. Half the time it's her suggesting we meet up and yet every time I suggest a time/activity to actually do it she is always busy.

Aibu to give up on her? There's only so many times I can get rejected before I start to take it really personally. Some of the times we've crossed paths out and about she is with friends so it's not like she's some sort of antisocial hermit who never leaves the house. She also doesn't have any kids and has recently had to give up work so has a lot of free time which makes it feel all the more hurtful that she can't spare any time for me. Wibu to just disengage and accept we aren't really friends? Or aib over dramatic?

OP posts:
LoudingVoice · 06/05/2022 22:32

Yanbu to not suggest any more specific tubes to meet up but yabu to suggest shes not busy because she doesn’t have kids - people without kids have busy lives too.

LoudingVoice · 06/05/2022 22:33

Times not tubes 🙄

PortalooSunset · 06/05/2022 22:42

You say she's 'had to' give up work, perhaps the reason for that might give a clue? Looking after elderly parent perhaps? Wouldn't give much free time. Or did something happen to her at work? If so, she might be lumping you I with that part of her history and avoiding you as a consequence.

squashedalmondcroissant · 06/05/2022 22:43

I wasn't meaning to suggest that she obviously isn't busy because she doesn't have kids, I'm sure she could have lots of things going on! It's just that (by her own admission the last time we spoke and she suggested meeting up) she has a lot of free time at the moment and I know she doesn't have kids or a job that restrict her.

OP posts:
squashedalmondcroissant · 06/05/2022 22:45

No portaloo that's not it, her mum doesn't live close by, I've met her, she's a lovely lady and in good health (not elderly by any means!). It was her own health reasons that pushed her to give up work.

OP posts:
whirlygaily · 06/05/2022 23:06

I've a friend like this but have resigned myself to the fact that really she's an acquaintance. She's probably invited me to meet for coffee 5 times or so in the past couple of months but never gets back in touch or responds if I try and put a time or place on the arrangement.

Some people like the idea of being social more than the actuality I think.

FabFitFifties · 06/05/2022 23:06

Does she ring, email or text you? If she does, I'd just accept that level of contact, and stop offering to meet. If she mentions meeting, just put the ball in her court, and suggest she contacts you, but don"t hold your breath. She might have a lot going on that you are not privy to.

Popsicle33 · 06/05/2022 23:07

Just leave it. If she wanted to meet you then she'd do it.

PortalooSunset · 07/05/2022 12:37

squashedalmondcroissant · 06/05/2022 22:45

No portaloo that's not it, her mum doesn't live close by, I've met her, she's a lovely lady and in good health (not elderly by any means!). It was her own health reasons that pushed her to give up work.

Ah sorry, I just assume everyone is at the same stage of life as me I think!
Perhaps if she has health issues she's just too tired to meet up? Prioritises seeing longer term friends over relatively new ones. Maybe she's just being polite when she agrees to meet up? Does she call/text/whatsapp in between the times you bump into each other? If not I'd just leave it I think.

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