AIBU to ask how your manage certain things with your DC once they start getting independence?

[Greyblueskies]

11yrs DS is starting to go to park with friends etc. He's been walking home from school for a while now.

In short, whenever he has his own independence from us, he goes mad with sugary stuff. They all seem to have SO MUCH. All the other kids offer it up, he will take some money and go to shop - some days he recounts what he's had and I'm shocked

But I don't know how to manage it. I tell him about the importance of nutrition (he's small for his age, and I know it makes a difference how well he eats). That he needs to control it a bit - but I have literally no idea how far to go with saying something . Or what to say! He thinks we're quite strict so maybe he's just revelling in his own freedoms and it will settle down...but maybe it won't

I don't want to ruin his time. I don't want to get in his way and try to be controlling. He's loving 'growing' as he says. He's responsible and knows the right thing in other ways.

Advice welcome. No judgements please.

How often do you allow sweets? I am pretty laid back and mine have them a few times a week in the hope that this doesn't happen.
I think if it is really excessive I would limit the amount of money he has access to.

Just let him get on with it

Peer pressure will win for a while and then he will get some common sense. The more you try and control, the more he will rebel.

I think that you need to accept that there comes a point where your dc make their own decisions when they are away from you. The short answer is he will decide what he eats when he is away from home. It really is pointless getting worked up about this.

I think it depends on what you think to be excessive. I think something from a shop and a drink every time at the park is par for the course at that age - chocolate bar and a coke, etc

I'd not let him take money with him if he's really going mad. Or is it just that you think it's excessive because you don't allow sweets?
I allow sweets and my 13 year old DS has luckily only done this once where he went crazy with sweets. I let him eat them all and when he felt sick I told him he knew not to do it again. He never did do it again. He realised that feeling so unwell wasn't worth it. He's also discovered he can buy things other than sweets so he saves his money now and spends it on games and clothes that he wants

In my experience it does settle down. It’s that newness of having money to spend and the autonomy to spend it on whatever they like. It’s that ‘first wage packet’ feeling .

Sounds like he has a good diet from you at home so I wouldn’t worry. He’s learnt lots of healthy habits from you that will stand him in good stead long term.

If he is going to the park daily, then just decide on an amount per week that you can both afford and be comfortable with him spending. A pound a day would get him a bar of chocolate or a fizzy drink with some change, so by Friday he could get one of each.

I'd give him a£ for the shop and let him get on with it I know you don't want him having sweets but he's not going stop so imo you are as well to let him have some.

Alternatively, you could encourage a little enterprise and bulk buy the preferred chocolate bar for cheap and he can flog them to his park mates at 50p a pop.

How mad is he going with it?

Tbh when they first have freedom they do go daft a bit with it, but as long as it's not over the top.

So, for example, if he was eating sweets and not eating dinner I'd clamp down on it. If it's just the occasional extras then I'd ignore it.

Also if they're wasting their money on sweets/drinks etc I find it much better to occasionally point out what else they could have bought with the money - much more effective to point out that they could have gone to the cinema/air park rather than buying drinks and sweets in an expensive corner shop.

I think it depends how mad is mad 🤔. My DS is 10 and goes to the park sometimes and buys sweets. If he says he’s going to the park, I suggest to him to buy crisps or something else (not much better I know but at least not sugar!!) so he isn’t filling up on sweets when hungry at least.

I like your style!

It's not that we don't allow sweets. Jesus, he gets stuff at home. He just goes a bit mad out. We'll limit the money to a reasonable amount, see how that goes

My kids are adults so I don't know how much kids get for the shop these days but definitely limit it or once it's gone its gone !

I remember my son spending about £10 on rubbish while out one day when he was about 12, I was fuming! But then it was his money and his lesson to learn I think, he’s 14 now and doesn’t buy as much crap, he’s more conscious of his fitness I think which helps.

They do go mad when first allowed to be on their own.
many DS’s school was next door to a pound shop type place and even though I didn’t let him take much money in it was all the other kids getting huge bags of sweets and sharing round every day.
I just kept on about having bad teeth and how unhealthy it is. Not much more you can do really.
It did settle down after about a year.