To want to pay somebody to come and organise my house?

[jamoncrumpets]

Context is important here, I am an autistic mother of two, one of whom is disabled and has complex needs. I am the f/t carer of that child and do not work. DH is self employed in a creative industry and does really well, our annual gross household income is around £90-£100k, and we live in a modest mortgaged house in the SE. We aren't the types of people to live beyond our means and we don't have flashy cars or anything, just one family car on PCP that I drive.

DH has undiagnosed inattentive ADHD and is probably on the spectrum like me too. It's the ADHD bit that's really affecting the household though, he's just so disorganised. We have a system of locks in our kitchen to prevent our disabled child from accessing food and DH never locks them back up again. We have a gate on our bedroom to stop DS accessing the room and our medications etc (which are also locked away) but DH will nip up for his slippers or whatever and leave it open, then DS will go in, jump on our bed, throw all our bedding off, get in after having a poo and not wiping his bottom properly etc etc.

I am the only person that puts things in places, but DH for example has never twigged in sixteen years of knowing me that I always leave my keys on the kitchen island. Every time he needs them he asks me where they are and I say 'The kitchen island' and that is where they obviously are, but the way his brain works he just doesn't have zones or areas for things, it's just spaghetti up there really, unless it's to do with his work which he is brilliant at.

Anyway, as the children are getting older and growing (7 and nearly 4) our house is getting fuller and fuller with stuff that needs some measure of organisation. I genuinely think we need named and labelled 'zones' and specific named and labelled storage bins for all the stuff (school bags, shoes, lunch boxes, towels, letters, toys, guitar books etc etc etc etc).

But this is all a bit beyond me. I'm not a hugely organised person, just a mildly organised one. I feel utterly lost and freaked out at the prospect of getting my house in order. I genuinely don't know where I would start or how to go about it.

WIBU to employ somebody to do this for us? Initial outlay will be pricey but I just can't live in chaos any more, I need a tiny bit of order as my autistic side is being niggled constantly. DH will be very sceptical initially but I think I could talk him round.

Also does anybody know how much this type of thing costs? I could save, I think, maybe £400 a month over a few months to cover it.

Just help, MN, I'm drowning!

No idea how much this costs but if you can afford it then why not? I would love to have everything organised for me

I just feel that our circumstances are such that we probably could really do with some help in this area!

YANBU you can afford it and a professional will have tips and tricks that work for your family.

I would love to have a Marie Kondo consultant come and sort my house out. Having a messy house is draining my energy and giving me brain fog. 100% get this done if you think it would help you, I would.

In your shoes I would employ a permanent part time house keeper / mothers help / nanny.
Part of their role would be to help put systems in place to help keep you organised - and if you fail at that at least they can help you out everything back together.
Your life sounds exhausting - in your shoes I would also consider getting a part time job out of the home to help to pay for help and also give you some breathing space and time away from being a full time carer.

I've got a friend who does this (based in SW London but travels quite a bit.) I was slightly sceptical but she's honestly so brilliant. I'd recommend it to give you a really fresh start.

I had someone come and help me sort and pack my kitchen ready for a new kitchen. I'm disabled and it made such a difference having someone work with me rather than struggle through. Worth every penny (about £450 for two days work).

www.apdo.co.uk/ is a good place to start.

I got quoted £176 a day for decluttering services.

we have a very good cleaner who loves organising things.

In a household with 2 neurodivergent people here and this would be my DREAM.

Both of us have spaghetti heads too, and if there's an actual system there it's much better, but we're not great at putting anything in place. I'd pay SO much for someone to come and organise our house and label absolutely everything.

I would definitely do this. I have a rule at home, that everything has a place. There are no piles or bundles of stuff lying around. Decluttering would be a good start, so that the organizer can make best use of their time. Besides, only you know what needs to go or stay.

I can't work. DH has to be available for last minute work, he can get the call the same day. Then he has to go. Impossible to schedule p/t work around as I am also the driver for everyone and do the school runs. I would always always have to be the one to stop and pick up the slack if a child had to come home. Nobody else can do DS school run because of his disabilities - he would meltdown and school refuse.

I'm also a carer full time as well as mum, chauffeur, housekeeper, chef etc. Have you been a full time carer? It's quite tiring.

If you have the money, why not, but from what you've said this isn't going to help you in the long term. It's all well and good having labelled bins but is your husband and dc going to stick to it? I think you'd be better off with a regular cleaner who likes organising.

where in the country are you? I love love love organising so if you were near me I would do it for free!!!

When we moved house last year I spent the months leading up to it figuring out a place for everything and making sure that it all had appropriate storage and labelling.

I started with the floor plan and worked out what each room would be used for and the flow through the house eg which door will be people come in and need to dump shoes/coats/ Which door was best for taking recyling to the recyclinig bins etc.
Then I worked out what furniture we needed and what storage would fit.
The each unit had smaller storage eg kitchen drawers have smaller dividing storage bins in to make them tidier and easier to find things.

Look at declutterdollies on insta

I think a system would help you immensely. There are some great companies who do this. But you need something to help your DH do the things he is not currently doing too. Like locking cupboards and gates. I'm not sure what can help but there must be resources for those that have ADHD.

A friend of mine does this for a living, and she's brilliant at it. Really sympathetic, but brutally organised and she usually says it'll take a day or two to just get everything in the right place but you have to agree to her being a bit of a bulldozer. Once you get things straight, it's so much easier to keep on top of it all because you don't feel so defeated at the start of every day.

I'm too ashamed to ask her to come & help me because we know each other, but I think it really is worth it. Just being able to say 'put that where it should go' takes a huge pressure off you. She also does follow up visits about a month later to see if it's actually working, and if not, why not - and then gives you more solutions to cope. Spaghetti in a packet is quite orderly. Cooked spaghetti becomes a bit of a tangle.

I WANT a bulldozer!

I actually don’t think it’ll help as much as some other PP think.

I don’t know if I have ADHD but I am/was so disorganised, forgetful and messy. The only thing that has made me change my ways is that I now have a 10 month old DS who will put everything in his mouth/could hurt himself if the floors aren’t clear.

My poor mother tried everything to get me to be tidier, I found it so hard to do. When I was at uni I had to get a friend to sit in my bedroom when I was putting things away and direct me because I’d do one thing and not know what to do next or get confused or want to mess around with what I’d found and that’s as a 20yo!

As an adult with my own house what really helps me is having much much less stuff. If I have less stuff the mess can’t get as big.

Anyway the point of this ramble is to say that I don’t think paying someone to organise things will fix the problem. I think it’ll help for a bit and then things will get bad again because your DCs brains simply don’t work in that way (as I’m sure you’re away).

I think a massive declutter/hugely limiting of the amount of stuff such as toys,shoes,bags clothes etc. will help much more. It’ll make it much less overwhelming.

I think this is a great idea, and the follow-up service that the OP’s friend describes sounds really worthwhile. Presumably you’d be able to get the person who works with you to check in regularly (maybe quarterly/twice a year) and help with tweaks? Energy, space to do things, needing to do things in one fell swoop otherwise it causes distress/gets disrupted beyond recovery are all things that stop you doing it yourself - totally get it.

I relate so much to your lots in your post.

Might things like automatic door closing systems, contact alarms (will beep if cupboard doors aren’t closed, like fridges), fingerprint locks so you don’t have to worry about misplacing/spending time looking for keys, help? Sounds like you have a few similar things already. We use lots of lifestyle aids like this in our house, and whilst you often have to find something created for a different purpose and use it a bit creatively, they do help take care of things that well-meaning brains might otherwise forget.

Have you watched "the home edit" it's a joy !

Sorry, meant to add, if you can afford to save around £400 a month, might you have budget for some ongoing help? £10-15 per hour, for 2-3 hours a week? Find a good housekeeper/cleaner who is willing to do a thorough tidy and return things to the system every little while. It’s hard to fall off track, and really hard to get back on it.

In another life I’d love to be a home organiser. I twitch with desire in other people’s houses to just SORT THEM OUT. I’m the kind of person with categorised and alphabetised spices.

But! DP has ADHD too. No matter the organisation, the lack of clutter, the system, the zone, the labels… he will still scatter chaos and empty envelopes and lose keys and leave cupboard doors open and put socks in the fridge. Our partnership is proof that you can’t simply organise ADHD into submission. Your DH is always going to go “Where are your keys?” even if you have a big label saying “key”.

it does sound like you’d be better off with a housekeeper for a few hours a couple of days a week. It would free you up to look after your child and still allow you to be chauffeur / cook/carer etc. and then it’s easier for everyone to keep on top of.

@jamoncrumpets That's exactly what I thought when I read your post! It sounds overwhelming, and even if your DH & DC can't keep the house pristine afterwards, at least it won't feel so overwhelming for you. You can then prioritise cleaning this bit, tidying that bit because you've got a level to work back to. It doesn't sound to me like you can't keep on top of things, it's more that you don't know where to start.

I honestly do think it would take an enormous amount of weight off your shoulders to have someone come in and kick the arse of your house without it being your problem/shame. Honestly, you can afford it, and it would give you that breathing space. Your DH will probably never get his head around it, but it will stop feeling like it's everything everywhere all of the time.

Do what makes life easier for you.

If you could have a really good clearance first or employ someone if you're not fussy about what gets chucked before booking a deep clean, someone with experience solving storage problems.

Once that's done employ a weekly cleaner.

I'm a firm believer a messy hone creates a messy mind, clutter is stressful.