Lost resilience

[SMUnz]

Hey- I just wondered if this a was normal progression as I get older (I’m now 41). Used to be really resilient, strong, able to deal with anything head on. Now things I used to take in my stride leaves me really upset eg, getting push back when trying to return something to a shop. I work in a v male environment in general it is a tough environment…well I used to take it in my stride even as a new grad…now all these years later I feel like I just can’t hack it - they way people talk and so on. I suppose that sums it all up - I just feel like I can’t hack it/I’m less than I used to be. Is this normal?

I feel similar. But personally I know it's because I have so much more going on in my life right now.

When I was a new graduate I didn't have much going on. No real financial worries, no children, no worries about ageing parents.

These days I feel as though there is always a level of stress and emotion sitting there inside me and so things I could deal with easily in the past are added on top.
Maybe this is the case for you? How is life generally?

@GaspingGekko i think you have nailed it. I think it’s the same here. But it’s hard to take that I’m past “peak strong” YY it feels like there is maybe always some kind of underlying emotion waiting for an opportunity to come out.

We all go up and down, and you are likely to be more tired generally due to life stage.

Plus it has been the shittest two years in my lifetime, with COVID and now war in Ukraine.

It could be hormonal (although I'm tired of everything being assigned to perimenopause, as though a woman can never be legitimately pissed off, it is either PMT or menopause).

Plus after a while the utter bullshit in the workplace wears thin.

And of course you're just older!

I think there's also something in what @carefullycourageous says about workplace bullshit wearing thin.
I'm in a male dominated sector and as I get older I start to see sexism more for what it is, I find it harder to laugh off the way women are perceived.

@carefullycourageous @GaspingGekko Workplace bullshit wearing thin resonates BUUUTTTT sooooo many years of work left ahead 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is not you op.
People have become so rude since the pandemic, it is noticeable almost everywhere. I have tried to continue being well mannered and giving people the benefit of the doubt.
I hardly bother now though and simply say to the shop keeper 'Would you like to ask your manager to join us so we can discuss my rights and consumer law?'
That usually stops them in the tracks. You are legally entitled to return stuff, so just go and be more forceful. Don't start with an apology, simply say good morning I am returning this item. It is about being assertive, eye contact and not taking any BS.
Someone is rude either ignore or if you are relying on the good service to get things done, then remind them that you can go and will go elsewhere.

I have become much more selective as to where I shop, and avoid 'difficult' places like the plague. House of Fraser and others are on my black list for instance. Choose not to engage if the stress is not worth it.

Change your job if you are worn down with the sexism, and tell them why.

@Swayingpalmtrees i agree with you it feels like everyone I come across in my day is near the end of their tether…and this manifests as shortness and rudeness….and on the odd occasion I respond in kind ( gah wish I was a bigger person than I am) boom the thing escalated to be 5 x worse. The interaction will probably have me in tears later on when at home sometimes even leaves me down for days.

re: job change it is specialist and has taken SO long to get to where I am and establish myself. I am loathe to give up the work I love but maybe I just need to get over that. It’s not helped by the fact I’m leading a project that will run for 3 years and be a massive CV elevator- as in about 5-10 times bigger than anything I’ve done before. But yes there are times I’d love nothing more than to tell them that it is an awful company in which to be a woman and the only reason they don’t know is because women don’t want to be seen as not hacking it, not because they have achieved their goal of inclusivity etc.

In that case I would not give up my job, but limit my interaction with the men that you find most difficult. Put some distance and silence between you and them, they will soon get the message. I think it is okay to simply say most days you are having a quiet/busy/full on day is there anything they particularly need as you need to crack on, so you can avoid small talk. Just do the job and limit how much energy you give the place.

I don't know how to deal with the short fuse so many people seem to be suffering from, but I play classical music, make time for self care, meditate and then at least I can watch and observe from the side lines rather than feeling the need to listen/participate or take things personally. If someone is rude more often than not I assume they are having a worse day than me, and maybe it is depression or mental health. I find it easier just thinking that, rather than taking them on and causing a bigger problem. It is mental health issues and functioning depression in the main, but come across as anger in some people.

I have been waiting for people to settle down and get back to normal interaction, but I must admit I am beginning to wonder now if it will ever happen....

Hormones are a lot of this OP, I had the same. Exercise and eating right helped massively as like the gym trainers say, you need to get the right hormones etc high to feel calm, happy, etc and those are the hormones that tank during menopause. When you do the right things like exercise and eating well then you get the levels back up and you feel more able to face life in all its glory again.

I also have tried asking them how they are when they are surly and engaged more not less, I try being very kind and some people actually have responded, not all, but one or two definitely and some even apologised for being so grumpy with me at the beginning. I also speak more gently, and lower the tone. The state of mental health, globally is a worry.

@GaspingGekko @Knittingchamp @Swayingpalmtrees @carefullycourageous thanks for your wise words, sometimes a bit of understanding and good advice makes all the difference.

Oh I know! I am seriously considering a career change to be self employed just to escape. At the moment I am extra irritated as have a new, awful male manager in our team which was previously pretty good on the sexist bullshit front. Luckily he does not manage me but just having him there is rubbish.

I'm in a male dominated sector and as I get older I start to see sexism more for what it is, I find it harder to laugh off the way women are perceived.

Reversely, I'm a female in a woman dominated profession and the amount of incompetence, bullshit and bitching is out of this world. Awful.

I feel exactly the same, at 39. Sick of work bullshit, have lost zest and motivation for work. No advice really other than do what you have to to get by at work but fuck it if I'm going to put in the care and attention I used to. Also agree, if someone is rude I try to pity them/be empathetic to what they might have going on. It's shit though. I also tell myself to be kind to myself and stop feeling guilty at not achieving all the things I want to, just get to the next day of it's a tough one!